


Freedom

by orphan_account



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, French Kissing, Kissing, Love at First Sight, Multi, My First Fanfic, Oral Sex, POV First Person, Romance, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Sex, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Spoilers, Torture, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-28 17:12:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 48,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3862852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of Lady Travelyan and Cullen Rutherford from first sight to beyond the story found in game. </p><p>Evelin Travelyan has never had the luxury to make her own choices, after one fateful night, her life was completely taken away. Joining the Inquisition has given her the taste of freedom and the option to make her own life choices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fate Sealed

**Author's Note:**

> First sexual scene is not Cullen/Inquisitor. If you don't like f/f lovin' don't read the last portion of the chapter. 
> 
> Comments are appreciated as I am still new to sharing what I write.
> 
> Tossed tags on there for future reference.

The sight of my second rift. Looking at it made one wonder if one would go blind by staring at it for too long, its wisps and tendrils of green, aimlessly floating in the air were oddly striking.  
  
As I approached this Rift I saw a large warrior standing nearby. I didn't think much of it at the time, but, he was there alert and battle ready, not afraid, waiting as two Terror demons came through the rift. Watching him fight was inspiring to say the least.  
  
Our group joined the battle, Solas and I stood in the back, firing endless arrows and slinging spells at the demons. The blond warrior caught my eye again, and I couldn't help myself, I paused and watched as he hacked into the horrifying monster not set for this world. With all the fighting going on around us, I didn’t realize that I had completely stopped moving for a long period of time and jumped when a hand touched my shoulder.  
  
"Are you alright?" Solas tilted his head to the side and asked with slight concern showing on his face.  
  
I took a quick, deep breath and gave my head a shake to regain my composer. "Yeah… I- J-Just a little overwhelmed". I replied, stumbling over my words.  
  
He gave me an encouraging pat on the shoulder and softly smiled "It's okay to be overwhelmed, as long as you only let it push your boundaries and now allow it to break them". Putting a stern look on my face, gave Solas a reassuring nod that I was okay and starting firing my arrows once again.  
  
The demons had just burst up from the ground and knocked most of the party off their feet. I felt the green glow burning in my hand; it hurt so much and felt like it was going to explode right out of my skin. Remembering what Solas had done with the first time we had encountered a rift, I ran up to it and shoved my hands towards it.  
  
The bust of green energy leaving my hand and connecting to the rift was oddly satisfying as the muscles in my hand and arm exploded into a calming state after being so tense and wound up. Once the connection broke, my hand shot back from the force. I was breathless for a moment and somewhat stunned by the sudden burst of relief from the tension I felt through my entire body. Was it horrible to think that I might have enjoyed the release?  
  
Turning around, I noticed the demons weren't gone, but lying stunned on the ground and everyone was looking at me. Did they notice my enjoyment? I hope not. Closing the rifts was new to everybody, so I desperately hoped they were only shocked by the sudden pause in battle.  
  
I saw him, the blond warrior; he was staring at me, with a smirk on his face that made my heart jump to my throat. That overwhelming feeling which caused me to freeze in place before came rushing back during the moment our eyes met.  
  
The fight was soon over after that moment, I was almost a little too eager to close the rift just to experience that burst of tension and release again. I really feel quite guilty getting this type of excitement from something that is about to destroy the world, especially for a woman who was a sister in the Chantry.  
  
Solas walked up and gave me a smile “Sealed, as before. You are becoming quite proficient at this" It was reassuring to have a person treat me like someone who wasn’t a criminal, unlike everyone else I had interacted with in the past few days.  
  
"Let’s hope it works on the big one" the dwarf named Varric chimed in.  
  
The blond warrior walked over, his eyes locked with mine, my heart racing once again. He and Cassandra were talking, but I heard nothing of it. Why is he affecting me so much? It's not like he's the first good looking man I've ever seen. I grew up in nobility, surrounded by Templars and other noble families in Ostwick. Good looking men were not few and far between, nor had one made my heart race like this. Ever.  
  
When Cassandra turned around and looked at me, the words coming out of her mouth became audible again as I started to come out of enchanting fog his stare put me in.  
  
And then he spoke. "Is it? I hope their right about you. We lost a lot of people getting you here".  
  
"I can't promise anything, but I'll do my best" I stumbled over my words again, as I tried to figure out his accent. Ferelden for sure, but he had definitely spent a significant about of time in the Free Marches. Not quite a southerner’s voice, but not like anything from my home. Exquisite.  
  
As the blond hero (or Commander, as Cassandra called him) began to walk away, he rushed over to aid an injured soldier. I couldn't help but watch as he left the area, he was just as pleasing to see walk away as it was to see him come towards you. I really do hope that I get to see him again.  
  
\------------  
  
[Cullen]  
  
I always felt that people who did horrible things would somehow show their true form. They always had an unfortunate thing about them that sets them apart, and you just know they aren’t good. One would think the prisoner accused of blowing up the Temple of Sacred Ashes, and Killing the Divine, plus countless others would fit into that category perfectly, but, she doesn't.  
  
This "terrible" person made quick work of the fade rift; it was impressive to see how she used the mark with such ease. The prisoner caught me staring at her as I tried to figure out what she was about. I don't like not being able to read someone, and she is baffling me.  
  
The first attempt to interrupt the rift left me dumbstruck, as I swear I saw her enjoy the release of the green light from her hand. Now that was weird.  
  
I first officially met the Herald while planning the terms of the Inquisition, as Cassandra had so boldly started it without full documentation or any sort of guidance. It was clear that the Herald didn't truly know what was going on at first, but she did catch on quickly. She knew when to step in and when to let Cassandra, Leliana, Josephine and I yell it out. This girl was no stranger to politics and knew how to play along. Both Josephine and Leliana will enjoy that.  
  
Leliana caught me letting my stares linger too long on the Herald when she was looking away. One day, after a meeting with the war council, she pulled at my arm once everyone but us had left the room. I turned around reluctantly, knowing I was in for some sort of lecture.  
  
"Commander, a word". Her tone was serious, as was the look in her eyes. I didn't know the Spymaster very well, but I did know that it was best to keep on her good side.  
  
"Yes, Sister Nightingale?" She made me somewhat nervous, well, many things about women made me nervous, but this one, in particular, could kill me before I had time to draw my blade in defense.  
  
"What are you doing?" Her arms crossed, eyes fixated on mine.  
  
"Excuse me?" I tilted my head to the side and breathed out the words trying to act aloof.  
  
"The Herald! You! Staring at her like she's still a criminal, or like you want to mount her... I haven't figured that part out yet". Leliana glared at me with a fire in her eyes that I've only seen when she was shooting arrows through demons, "Either way.” Leliana started to pace in front of the war table, her hands gesturing at me as she spoke, “Do you know who this girl is? She certainly is not a criminal, and definitely NOT someone you can just screw and set aside, for so many reasons!” She stopped inches in front of me and pointed her gloved hand at me, “You should know these things, Commander!".  
  
I was stunned and had no idea how to reply to her accusations. "Maker's breath Liliana!” I took a step back and brought my hands up, open, in defense, “I - I have no idea what you're insinuating, but, it’s wrong."  
  
"Right" Liliana scoffed, and walked away "That's about as true as you being a blood mage" She turned around and flared an arm at me, then started to walk out the door, with one last look back she growled, "Keep your sword sheathed, Commander" Saying each word slowly and deliberately. The door soon slammed behind her.  
  
I took note of the double meaning, and will seriously take Liliana’s warning under consideration. Once I understand what in the Maker’s name I am feeling.  
  
   
  
\---  
  
[Trevelyan]  
  
Looking out to the mountains, and deeply inhaling the crisp air was my way of relaxing after the long days or sometimes weeks out in the world closing rifts and spreading the word of the Inquisition. After so much blood and violence most days, it was peaceful just to experience nothing but the chill and blocking out everything from my mind, even for a moment.  
  
It’s hard to believe that just six weeks ago I was locked up with iron around my wrists, and a very angry Seeker shouting at me, and now, people are calling me the Harold of Andraste. I hear people around Haven saying that I was sent by the Maker to save everyone. They are calling me Savour for Maker’s sake. What would my father, the pompous Teyrn of Ostwick, think of me now? Am I still a stain on the family crest?  
  
It may have been weeks since I walked out of the fade, but it’s been seven years since my father sent me to the Templars and revoked any titles or names that I had as the daughter of a Teryn. The reason for everything was caused by an amazing moment interrupted and turned into something horrifying, embarrassing and damning.  
  
\---  
  
“Shh don’t worry about a thing, let me take care of you” Her words were like honey her accent picking up a sweet Orlesian flair to it. I was 16, adventurous and had seen a close family friend in a different light after her return from the University of Orlais. Sidney Gavitt, a noble girl from Ostwick who is 5 years older than me. Originally she was betrothed to one of my older brothers since her birth. That is, until this night.  
  
I had absolutely no experience in this department, but clearly she did and reassured me constantly that this moment was all about me, and learning to enjoy myself.  
  
She bent forward from behind me and brushed her full lips against the back of my neck. My breath caught in my throat, a wave of warmth washing between my legs.  
  
Light kisses and nibbles were trailed down my neck and along my left shoulder, Sydney then, turned me around and softly kissed my lips, she bit my bottom lip and lightly tugged on it. That sent another wave of warmth down my spine and lingered between my legs, a sensation which I had never experienced before, and really liked it. Kissing me harder this time, her hands moved to my hips and I found my own hands lightly touching her sides, feeling the curve of her body already naked body.  
  
“Are you enjoying this, my dear?” she whispered against my mouth, I could only nod in reply, forgetting how to form sentences.  
  
Confident now that I would let her take over, Sydney slid her fingers under the hem of my night clothes, placing her hands on my bare skin. Her touch was electrifying, and I couldn’t help but let out a gasp and flinch as she began to move upward.  
  
Her body pressed against mine as she captured my lips again, my stomach went into a swirl as she pushed her tongue against mine and cupped my breasts. “So firm and soft, I love it!” she marveled breaking our kiss.  
  
She kissed down my neck, nibbled down my collarbone, then licked down and put a nipple in her mouth. She twirled her tongue in circles as she sucked, being sure not to ignore the other breast, she pinched that nipple without warning and I let out a gasp. I ran my hands through her dark hair and began to moan, in the safe darkness of my room.  
  
Moving her mouth to my other breast, she gave it the same treatment, her tongue slowly circling the now very hard nipple. “Mmm,” she moaned, “you could cut glass with these darling” she joked between licks and sucking. Her hands began to slowly make their way down my stomach; my core trembled as I wanted more of her touch.  
  
She took her mouth off my nipples and began to trail nibbles and kisses down my stomach until she was on her knees with her lips brushing against the top of my underclothes. I was breathing hard in anticipation, quivering at the thought of what was to come.  
  
Kisses continued along the outside of the fabric until her lips were right over my wet and throbbing pussy. I wanted it touched so badly, I was still stunned that this was a woman doing all of these things to me. All of my life I have been attracted to men, that is until she came along. With her mouth still on the outside of the cloth, she pressed her tongue quickly and firmly over my swollen spot.  
  
I let out a moan and it took all of my strength to not let my knees buckle, she’s making me weak in the knees and has hardly started. “You are so wet, your undies are utterly soaked” Syd giggled. She licked it again and again, tracing the edge of the fabric with one of her delicate fingers. Slowly, she slid her finger past the cloth and began grazing the quivering flesh of my throbbing pussy.  
  
“You’re such a tease” I let out in a gasp. She replied with a giggle and began to finally pull my soaked underclothes off. I was directed to sit on my bed; I quickly obeyed and was soon sitting with my legs open to her.  
  
Sydney began to tease me again, lightly tracing her fingers along the insides of my thighs, just grazing my wanting pussy before backing off again. Every time she got close, my breath would catch and a fresh wave of warmth would wash over me. She did this for what felt like way too long until my wetness began to soak the sheets, I was going mad with need.  
  
“Don’t stop” I quietly begged in the darkness, I rubbed one of my breasts.  
  
“Don’t stop what?” she teasingly responded with her words as much as her hands.  
  
“Touching” I paused not even knowing what I even wanted. This was my first sexual experience ever, and I had an idea what she would do but wasn’t completely sure.  
  
“What would you like me to touch?” she continued to rub my legs  
  
“… I need you to teach me what” I managed to get out.  
  
Happy with my answer, she pushed me down onto my bed and bent her head down. Without hesitation, ran her tongue over the entire length of my pussy. I put my arms above my head, rolled my head back and bit my bottom lip to stifle a cry that would be sure to wake up someone in the estate. She licked again, and again, until focusing on my spot, licking fast as she traced the outside of my pussy with her fingers. I let out a quiet moan, she let out one of her own, clearly enjoying every minute of this.  
  
“More?” she giggled  
  
“Yes, oh Maker yes” I breathed while angling my hips upwards.  
  
Slowly, she slid one finger into my wanting, no needing pussy. I shuddered at the feeling and grabbed a pillow to bite, in hopes to keep quiet. Pulling her finger out slowly and then going back in again, she continued this movement with gradually increasing speed.  
  
“Oh, Andraste’s sweet tits, you’re so tight” She mused before putting a second finger in, then continuing the pace. I bit the pillow hard while moaning and squirming on top of my bed. Maker’s breath this felt amazing, did a man feel like this too?  
  
Her tongue found my spot again, working faster and harder, moving over it as she fucked me with her fingers. The sensation was amazing; I was so overwhelmed with the pleasure that I didn’t know what to do with myself. Each lick was like a surge of magic pulsating through me, each thrust of her fingers, a wave of heat. I could feel my juices leaking out, getting everywhere on my legs and bed sheets with each push into me.  
  
“Oh.. sweet.. Maker” I moaned and quivered, I could feel her mouth smiling against my skin. She sped up one more time, with the rhythm of her fingers, I could feel a tightness building up inside of my core, it caused me to tremble even more. Each thrust building the tightness more and more before it finally all released in an explosion I felt all through my body. I held the pillow over my face as I moaned with each wave of pleasure, her speed didn’t stop until the explosion in my body and the pulses after came to an end.  
  
I was breathless when she sat up and looked at me, smiling from ear to ear. “So, how was that for your first time?”  
  
“Amazing” I replied between breaths.  
  
“Good, because now I need a little something amazing too” she looked at me with a fire in her eyes and a wicked grin on her face, still sopping with my juices all over it.  
  
“I – I couldn’t do that!” I laughed, being slightly intimidated and completely nervous.  
  
“Oh don’t worry darling, you just need to lay there and listen to me, I’ve got this” Sydney said confidently, while she sat on top and straddled me. “Spread your legs more.. yeah like that” She Sid lowered herself down just so our spots connected, she was so agile and unbelievably flexible.  
  
The rubbing of our spots together was just as amazing as her tongue, only this time she joined me in with the moaning. Grinding her body against mine, I felt the waves of pleasure much faster, it was like I actually knew what to look for and how to focus on the feeling.  
  
“Oh Maker, Eve, this is fantastic”  
  
 Our warmth mashed and rubbing together like it fit naturally, our juices mixing causing an even bigger mess. Syd squeezed my breasts hard as she rode me like she was on a galloping horse. I grabbed the headboard above me, closed my eyes and held on.  
  
“Look at me Eve” she demanded, I listened. “This is when we come together okay?” I nodded, not exactly knowing the term, but assumed as much. She moved faster and faster, grinding our spots together, harder and harder. I could feel it, the explosion, the pressure was building up.  
  
My door slammed open and Sydney stopped immediately. We both looked at who would burst in at this time of night. It was my father, the ruler – Teyrn – of Ostwick. This is the moment my life as a free woman ended, all because of some pleasure with another woman.


	2. Mind Fog

Looking at the mountains looming over Haven wasn’t enough to calm the warmth that was now lingering between my legs. That memory always made my juices flow and want so badly to have those pleasures again, but when you’re essentially handed over to the Templars and then the Chantry, the hope for any more moments like that fade quickly.  
  
“It’s a beautiful view isn’t it?” A man with a Ferelden accent asked from behind. I closed my eyes and hoped that it wasn’t him. I don’t know if I could handle the Commander’s presence and the wetness lingering below. Turning around and opening my eyes to see him walking towards me with a smile on his face, petrified me. “Maker, your face is beat red” he laughed, the sound of it causing a flutter from my heart “Did I interrupt something?”  
  
He is utterly beautiful. I studied his features as the blood rushed away from my face and nether regions. I wondered what it would be like to kiss a man. Would it be the same as Sydney? Soft and luscious or different? Would the scar on his otherwise perfect lips feel good against my skin.. his stubble.. prickling anywhere on my skin.. Stop this! I shouted to myself, you’re a sister of the Chantry and should continue to act like one.  
  
The Commander tilted his head to the side and furrowed his brow “… are you alright?” he asked slowly, then smiled again as my rosy cheeks made me completely unable to hide any sort of embarrassment.  
  
“Yeah.. uh mindfog” I blurted out looking away from him “I get like that when I send my prayers to Andraste”  
  
“Riight” the commander teased. I didn’t know what to say after that, looking around, I was desperate to find any sort of way to change this conversation.  
  
The silence started to become awkward so words just started falling out of my mouth, it was like I had no control “Do you drink?” I asked. Why would I ask that?! I don’t drink, I can’t invite him to drink, that would be weird.  
  
“I-ahem- do occasionally enjoy a drink, so yes I do” He replied, clearly confused “…do you? A Sister of the Chantry… drink?” his eyebrows raised, an amused smile on his face.  
  
Yup still awkward. What has Chantry life done to me? I was never this horrible around the opposite sex, why now? I thought to myself, clearly frustrated about the whole situation.  
“yes – NO! I-I mean no I don’t, but do you want to go down there?” I nervously pointed in the direction of the tavern.  
  
“Lady Harold, do I make you nervous?” The commander had a beautiful smile on his face, it was utterly enchanting “I mean, you’re stuttering, and I’ve seen you, battle demons, close rifts, and even walk out of the fade, but a simple conversation alone with me- ”  
  
“No” I interrupted and tried to maintain my composure before continuing, “You merely interrupted my chant and it set me off guard”.  
  
That made Cullen chuckle and nod his head in acceptance. “If both of us hardly drink, why are we going to a tavern?”  
  
“Well..” I hesitated to reveal my small secret. While weighing the consequences of my somewhat pointless mini dilemma, I subconsciously bit my bottom lip, much like I always do when I am deep in thought. “Will you promise not to laugh?” the Commander held back his grin and nodded his head, “Okay, well it’s completely childish and somewhat shallow, but the minstrel in there wrote a song about The Herold of Andraste, it’s absolutely ridiculous… and since well…” the nervous feelings were starting to arise again “I don’t know many people here, and you’re one of the few that actually treats me like a person and not some Saviour sent by the Maker…” I trailed off not knowing where my rambling was going; I am even surprised at how much of an ass I am making of myself.  
  
The Commander didn’t say a word, but rather gave me his arm and said “Shall we?” before walking with me down to Haven’s tavern.  
  
\---  
  
[Cullen]  
  
Merciful Andraste, she was stunning. Her long blond, almost white hair tied back in a tangle of intricate braids, her green-blue eyes changing depending on the light, and her lips, Maker breath, did I love her lips! When she bit her bottom lip… I melt. It takes all of my strength at the war table to not just stare at the amazing creature before me.  
  
In the light of the tavern, a sparkle danced in her eyes that moved with the flame of the candlelight. We laughed at the insane song this particular minstrel wrote of our Herald. The chat with Leliana about “sheathing my sword” made me aware that something with the Herald moved me, and not in a bad way. I started thinking about her more often than not, and I truly feel she shares at least some of my feelings, or really, really likes to chat and make me nervous around my men with invading personal questions. I was glad that I caught the Herald off guard and experienced a moment of her own nervousness. This moment, here in the tavern with her is the first time the people around us are more interested in their conversation than the one we’re having, but with our busy lives, the moment won’t last forever.  
  
Looking over to her, she was enjoying the atmosphere all too much for me to interrupt it with idle conversation, but, how could I just let this time go by without even attempting to talk.  
  
“So.. you know that horrifyingly prying and embarrassing question you asked me today? Around my recruits? With everyone listening?” I took a gulp of the very bitter ale one of my men had slung my way when I sat down. I coughed it down and looked over to the Harold, waiting for my answer.  
  
A smile lit up her face as she recalled the memory of me fidgeting in my boots. She looked at me with a grin that caused my heart to skip a beat and giggled, “I can almost honestly say that I have no idea of what you’re talking about, Commander”. I scoffed at her answer and shot a coy glare her way. “Oh! You mean about your Templar vows?”  
  
“Yes, and why?” Another gulp of the drink, another cough to choke it down.  
  
“I was merely curious and wanted to know if Templars had the same vows as women of the Chantry” She smiled and bit her lip, looking away. Her reply was cute, and her smile gorgeous, this woman that I hardly know does things to my heart which I never thought I’d ever experience.  
  
“Be it that you were training to be a Templar for four years, you would know the answer.” She pretended to look shocked as I caught her in a bold lie “ I just assume that you wanted to embarrass me.” The smile that could stop a war grew with every word I said, which caused my heart to race faster and faster, “Have you, a sister of the Chantry taken your vows of Chasity?”  
  
The smile faded, “No”, a short quick answer, then she looked away.  
  
Have I asked too much? It was only the same thing she asked me, Maker, women drive me mad. “Did I say something to offend you, Herald?”  
  
“No,” she let out a small breathy laugh and looked back at me, “it’s just not something I am really open about, especially in such a public place” The Harold looked around, the patrons that filled this room believed that she was a representative of the all holy Andraste, and one could assume that speaking about her sexual choices so publicly could be a bit taboo. “Care for a walk in the brisk mountain air Commander?” She stood up and started walking to the door before I even had a chance to reply.  
  
I followed the Harold out of the tavern and met her pace, “It’s Cullen”.  
  
“What?” The Harold shook her head like she had just come back to reality and looked up at me.  
  
“When it’s just the two of us –as friends-“ I implied, “and things aren’t strictly business” I said with a low serious voice “then you should call me Cullen” I smiled, which then she smiled, and my heart wanted to leap out of my chest.  
  
“Well, Cullen… when it’s not strictly business” she tried to imitate me with a low voice and a furrowed brow, I chuckled on reflex “I would prefer if you called me Eve, not Harold, or Lady Trevelyan, or anything that makes me higher than others, I hate it and don’t belong there”.  
  
We headed up the path and turned in front of the Chantry, our slow walk in the cool night continued.  
  
“But you’re the daughter of the Teyrn of Ostwick, AND now the Herald of Andraste, you are above people, even if you don’t like it”  
  
Eve let out a sigh and shook her head slowly, “When I was 16 and my father sent me off to the Templar order for training, I was stripped of all familial rights to Ostwick or anything, besides, I was the fifth in line of succession and only if I married a high nobleman of my father’s choosing, so my father wasn’t too concerned with shipping off his only daughter. I even had a cousin ahead of me” she laughed at the thought, “just imagine, Oswald Teyrn of Ostwick”.  
  
I joined in her light laughter in the unfortunate naming of her cousin.  
  
“But you asked why I hadn’t taken all of my vows,” she said in the low mocking tone again that made the both of us smile, in light of the conversation topic.  
  
“And why are you a Sister, not a Templar? I’ve seen you fight, with four years of Templar training and your skills in the battlefield I would think you’re just what they are-were looking for in the order. As Knight-Commander of Kirkwall, I would have recruited you immediately”. There was a still silence after my last sentence, as we were both very aware to what happened to most of the Templars in Kirkwall some years ago.  
  
Going beyond the walls of Haven, we started walking towards the frozen lake.  
  
“To put it simply, I failed. Once I had completed four years of training and was put to the test, the Knight-Commander, my father’s youngest brother, felt that I did not have the mental resistances to go against Maleficarum and Abominations. My father refused to take me back once the order had no use for me, so I was sent to the Chantry, he insisted that I take All my vows immediately. “ Eve looked forward and lost her glowing smile, she almost looked sad recalling these memories.  
  
We stopped at the docks facing towards the frozen lake, the cold wind off the ice sent a chill up my spine. Eve hugged herself and rubbed her arms she turned around to look at me, she found a smile once again, my heart never stopped racing. Maker, what I would give to just hold her and keep her warm right now.  
  
“But long story short,” She continued the walk down the dock, ”There was an appeal to the Revered mother in light of the events that happened in Starkhaven.”  
  
“All the heirs to the throne were murdered, “ I interrupted, knowing their story all too well, “leaving only Sebastian, a Brother of the Chantry that had taken vows which meant so much to him, he could not break them. This has left Starkhaven without a Prince.”  
  
“Exactly, the Revered Mother insisted that I refrain from taking all of my vows until the next generation in my family is secured, and so far, that hasn’t happened.” Eve let out a long sigh and looked more relaxed.  
  
“Will you eventually take your vows?” The choice to take the vow of chastity to honour the Maker has always been a personal one. I have never heard of anyone being forced into this sort of situation.  
  
“I have to, I fear that once the rift is sealed, and life goes back to normal or whenever this all ends, my option will be the vows or my life, and well, I do enjoy living” Eve paused for a brief moment “Even if I can’t experience everything that being human has to offer”. She let out a long sigh.  
  
What do I say to that? All I can think of is that she’s referring to the pleasure that a life of chastity takes away. Oh Andraste, I hope she never takes those vows. “Well..” I paused wanting to break the silence, but still thinking about things I would like to explore with her, and not knowing what to say next, I blurt out words and hope they make sense, “I hope that while you’re with the Inquisition you experience, everything that life has to offer” I hope to the Maker that she thinks of me as ignorant and doesn’t make the connections that I have made in my mind.


	3. Storm

[Trevelyn]  
  
Oh, sweet Andraste did Cullen just say what I hope he said? I look away to hide my big grin and start walking towards my quarters, not implying anything other than it’s really cold and I need to warm up.  
  
The walk back to the chantry was silent. It was comforting, not awkward, plus it let me swirl very unholy thoughts in my head. How I would bite his lip and nibble down his neck, feel his torso with my hands, and kiss every inch of his body. I accidently let out a moan and let the warmth between my legs pulse.  
  
“Eve, are you alright?”  
  
“oh! yes I am fine” I came back to reality, completely blushing. “Just having a pleasant memory, my apologizes”  
  
The days were passing by fast and the Inquisition was growing even faster. The organization had a very strong foothold in the hinterlands, obtaining horses, helping refugees and stopping bandits, mages, and Templars. The people were starting to flock to places which were under the protection of the Inquisition, as they felt we were the only people trying to do something… anything.  
  
We as a group were at a fork in the road, unable to pick between contacting the mages or seeking the help of the Templars. Cullen was adamant then we choose the Templars since they would be the best organization to join our ranks. After meeting with the War Council ended, Cullen waited till we were alone to give me his clear opinion on the matter at hand.  
  
"Why is this choice so difficult for you? Clearly you would pick the Templars, your uncle is a Knight-Commander for Andraste's sake. They would be a formidable force for us to be with." He touched my arm and looked at me in such a way that he knew I would melt and normally give in, "Eve you know the right thing to do". His stare lingers on me, I can't let my eyes drop either, his warm hand still touching my arm. My heart was racing; this was the first moment that he actually touched me. I just wanted all the fighting to go away, I just wanted to grab his face and kiss him, press my body so hard against his that he falls backwards into the table, as we continue to kiss. Oh, that would be so perfect right now.  
  
"Eve, have you made your choice?" His stare still on my eyes.  
  
I look down, and breath slowly, "What will you do if I don't pick the Templars?" I asked, completely terrified that I would lose a man that's not even mine. His hand dropped from my arm, the heat from his touch quickly dissipated leaving the spot cold and wanting his warmth back.  
  
Cullen walked behind the war table, leaned down on his hands looking at our most recent battle plans. The two huge, possibly life changing choices looming on the map awaiting my decision, "If you chose to side with the mages, I will respect your decision... As a Commander.” He paused with a sigh and then looked back up to me “But me, personally, I would be hurt. Even though I left the order, many of these men were family to me, I'd trust them with my life before I’d trust a group of violent rebels."  
  
My heart sank. How could I hurt him? But then, how could I make a decision that affects so many lives because I have a crush on my Commander.  
  
I walked over to Cullen, it's time I pulled on his heart strings if he can do it to me, it’s only fair. "Cullen" I stood beside him and touched his hand, he pulled his hand away and stood up, being a whole head taller than I, he looked down and focused on my eyes again, it felt like he was looking deep into my soul. I softly touched his arm, just above the elbow. He turned completely to me and stepped closer. My whole body was excited this was so perfect the closest we’ve ever been. I placed my other hand on his free arm, Cullen followed suit, his hands found a perfect spot on my hips. "Cullen, do you know why I can't choose them?" His hands shook; he was resisting taking them away. "I can't because of my uncle. He rejected me from the Templars, he's always underestimated me, and worst of all, I'll have to live under my father’s thumb once again.” I looked away trying to hold back a tear, “I-I can't live through that". He softly touched under my chin and brought me back up to his eyes.  
  
"If you choose the Templars, and your uncle still has a lot of influence within, you're worried your father will somehow bring himself into the Inquisition and lead. Essentially taking all your power and influence and leavening you as a rift closing, demon killing slave."  
  
I looked up to him, the pain on his face was heartbreaking, nodding my head, he knew my choice without me having to say the words. Leaning his forehead against mine, Cullen let out a long sigh. My heart was racing; I didn't want this closeness to end. I could hear his quickened breathing and placed my hand on his chest, his heartbeat was as fast as mine.  
  
The next moment Cullen pulled himself away and walked out the door, not looking at me as he said, "do what you want then", he slammed the door behind him. I could hear him shouting at the soldiers and anyone near him.  
  
I found myself staring at the door dumbstruck. One second, a tender moment, and the next, his anger at maximum. I was so thankful to not be at the receiving end of that.  
  
Leliana quietly entered the room, I didn't know much about her, but it was clear she knew everything about me. Her intuition was something that I would almost consider clairvoyant, it was amazing to see how she picked up on everything, tone of voice, body language, and probably more that I don't even understand.  
  
"Let me guess, you've made your choice and our Commander disagrees?" She walked up to me with a calm look on her face, as if Cullen’s outburst was something to be expected.  
  
"Only just slightly" I joked, trying to make light of the situation.  
  
"Are you okay? Experiencing the Commander’s outbursts can be a bit nerve-wracking, especially when you're not expecting it" Leliana walked up to the war table and looked to see if anything changed.  
  
"Just so you know, he didn't get like that until he left the room". I wanted to assure her that in no way was I harmed.  
  
"Oh I know" Leliana smiled "The Commander really cares how he presents himself to you. You are very important"  
  
"To the Inquisition?" I interjected.  
  
"Yes.” A smile started to show “The Inquisition... too" she continued to smile. Her way with words sometimes left me with more questions than answers, but this bit of information made my heart well up in my chest.  
  
Leliana was about to walk out the door "Let me see if I can talk some reason into him and then we will get ready to set for Redcliff".  
  
"Wait" jogging up to Leliana, "Can I try?"  
  
"Only if you dare" she laughed, "he's like a rampaging druffilo when angry." I let out a small laugh as she tried to make light of the situation "if you can't calm him down I will be near. Okay?"  
  
Nodding my head, I ran out of the war room, the people in the main hall of the chantry were picking up things that had been tossed aside. I walked up to Mother Giselle and asked where he might be, she pointed to the dungeons.  
  
Someone else piped up "I don't know why, there's nobody to yell at down there".  
  
Running down to the bottom of the dungeon, I headed towards the only source of light. Once I got closer I could hear Cullen talking to himself, I couldn't make out the words, but it definitely was his voice.  
  
"Cullen?"  
  
The voices stopped.  
  
"Please, can't I just get one single moment alone in this forsaken place?" He grumbled while sitting in a chair facing a huge pile of books. It looked as if he was trying to organize them.  
  
"No" was my reply as I walked over to him. I placed a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off. Not accepting that rejection, I kneeled in front of him and placed my hands on his knees.  
  
Cullen breathed a long sigh, "please". His head hung low, not even attempting to look my way.  
  
"Why do you want me to go away" I stared at him, his hair the perfect tone of sun-kissed blond, with curls that I SO badly want to run my fingers through.  
  
"I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want you to see this weak man whose broken and angry. Sometimes I just feel so useless unable to do anything right. ...I should be strong, I am the Commander of the Inquisition for fuck sakes! “He grabbed the nearest book at threw it at the wall, knocking over a pile nearby.  
  
"Look at me" I touched his chin and tried to lift his head, but he moved his head away and pulled my hand down into his. We sat there for a moment, him holding my hand and I just being there. Eventually, I took my other hand and touched his cheek. I felt every feature, his jaw, cheekbone, and ran my thumb oh so softly over his scar. He leaned into my hand just as I started to pull away. "We all have weak moments and times of doubt, but that's when we need the people who care about us the most to be near. I know you've had a horrible past, I don't know exactly what happened, but it must be so hard to deal with. I just want you to know that I will always be there for you, even when you run or push me away".  
  
Cullen placed one of his hands over mine on his cheek and leaned his head in. His eyes were still closed as he took a deep breath and calmed down. Finally he locked eyes with me, they were so warm and deep, I could stare at them for the rest of my life.  
  
"You have no idea how much this means to me." He stood up and helped me to my feet. Before I knew it he hugged me. I wrapped my arms around him and took in this moment. Feeling what I could through his armor, taking in his scent, and knowing this is exactly where I belong.  
  
We did save the mages, but to keep them within boundaries for everyone's safety, I chose to conscript them. We sealed the rift and the people of Haven threw a party to honour of the event that night.  
  
I was exhausted, that was the largest rift I had ever closed, and then there was the surge of energy that went through me, the final burst of pressure made me yell out. Most people thought I was in pain but it turned me on more than anything. It was hard to hide that when people came rushing up to seeing if I was okay. I locked eyes with Cullen, I was breathless, thrilled, cheeks flushed and craving. I wanted him to touch me more than ever. Right now.  
  
The look on Cullen's face as he ran up quickly went from concerned to mischievous as he read my expression and knew I certainly wasn't in any pain.  
  
"Give the Harold space for Andraste's sake!" He shouted; only a select few stayed near to help me up. Cullen lent me an arm and practically carried me to the nearby horses. "Everyone scout the area for any residual demons, and then get out of here, who knows what attention this will cause." He shouted while helping me up onto a horse.  
  
Cassandra and Leliana were helping more people get onto horses. We had no idea what would happen around the now sealed rift and wanted to spare as many lives as possible.  
  
"I will take the Harold to a surgeon immediately to make sure that final blow didn't do any harm. Please be careful." Cullen announced to both Leliana and Casandra. Then hopped onto the horse with me. Not that I was protesting, but it was a bit of a shock. "We need as many horses for the others that we can spare, I'd walk, but your safety is our first priority".  
  
The horse galloped off down the well maintained mountain path. Oh Maker this was a bad idea, my body was already in full on take me now mode, with the heat between my legs ever growing, my skin so sensitive to his touch that it sends quivers down my spine and now we have to ride a charger down the mountain together. Even though this was a horrible idea and poorly timed arousal I basked in the moment. Him holding onto me with one arm, and I making sure we don't tumble off while our bodies naturally rubbing together with the horse's trot. My beating heart wouldn't slow down, the heat below pulsated as he grinded against me.  
  
"Oh Maker's breath, not hear and certainly not now," Cullen whispered in pure annoyance. It took a moment to figure out what he was going on about and then I felt it. A bulge growing as it rubbed against by rear end.  
  
I could feel my nipples getting hard as it rubbed against my clothing, the bulge getting harder and larger. My everything wanted him, I had never been with a man, but I was ready for that right now.  
  
"Oh, Andraste" I mistakenly moaned the horses trot sped up and the rubbing got faster. He was so hard right now, I could feel all of it rubbing my ass and Like it was teasing me. "Fuck" I let out in pleasure.  
  
"We're almost at Haven" he ignored everything that was going on, was I imaging things? Who the Fade cares?! It's good.  
  
We approached Haven and the surgeon was waiting. Cullen didn't even look at me and ran into the Chantry. I yelled out his name, but he didn't hear it. Then, the thought hit me, oh sweet Maker I hope I didn't soak my pants, everyone, will be here in moments. Still breathless and trying to cool off I told the surgeon that I just needed a moment to let everything catch up with me. So he left me alone and I slowly came down from that exhilarating surge of lust and pleasure.  
  
Soon after, everyone was back in Haven and the drinking, dancing and music started. Everybody was so grateful that the immediate threat was gone. To me, this just felt like the calm before a storm.  
  
I found Cullen and Leliana In the War Room deep in a conversation about the next battle plan. Nobody knew what was going to happen, but they had to plan for everything. I walked to the table, Cullen gave me a quick glance and then was back into their conversation. Planning was important.  
  
"Harold, is there something we can help you with?" Leliana asked curiously with a coy smile.  
  
"I-uh-I was just wondering if the two of you were going to be joining everyone else in the celebration. Take a breather and relax, even for a moment" I shyly blurted out, fidgeting in place. Cullen gave me a very serious "I am the Commander" face and it made me feel like a child about to be scolded.  
  
"No time for partying." He flatly replied, "whatever made the rift will retaliate, and we have to be prepared." He looked back down at the table as if I wasn't there.  
  
"My apologies Herald, but the Commander is right. We don't know what's going to happen next and we need something.. Anything" Leliana politely said before getting back to work.  
  
Leaving the war room unnoticed, I walked right out of the Chantry and found Cassandra looking over everything. Our discussion led me to think that she too felt this calm before the storm.  
  
When the Templars started to charge Haven and we were left to retreat, I volunteered myself to swing The last trebuchet, I didn't want to put anyone else in harm’s way.  
  
The moment Corypheus hung me from my arm, the first thought in my mind was all I can smell is wretched death. Rotting flesh and gaping wounds, red lyrium bursting from his skin pulsating with every second going by. As I hung there, staring straight into death itself, I did not fear him.  
  
My heart raced as I dove for the trebuchet, knowing that my death was almost immanent, as long as I took him down with me everything would be worth it.  
Everything beyond that was a blur until my inner circle found me, lost in the Frostbacks.  
  



	4. Crave

[Cullen]  
  
   
  
Skyhold is an amazing fortress and a new home for the Inquisition. This place will go down in history, I just know it. People are flocking every day to follow the words of our new Inquisitor. Evelin Trevelyn - Harold of Andraste, Inquisitor, and the most beautifully exquisite woman in the world.  
  
Despite her beauty and how she makes my heart swell, I‘ve avoided Eve for a long while after the horse fiasco, always keeping busy, only seeing or looking at her when I had to, the inappropriateness of my actions, involuntary or not, were shameful to say the least. I couldn’t bear to relive that embarrassment again anytime soon.  
  
Our first day in Skyhold, she approached me while I was as usual, ordering scouts about. I was remorseful for the lost souls and admitted to Eve that there was no way for us to have prepared for an Archdemon, or whatever it was. She made a joke about how I am so busy that I never sleep anymore. The truth is, no I don't sleep. I obsess, we need to be prepared, we need to know who or what is out there and get a lay of the land. Plus, not sleeping allows me to avoid the lyrium nightmares, or that’s what I call them at least.  
  
Eve felt like she wasn't ready for the role of inquisitor, I assured her that she had been leading us since the beginning and it was a natural role for her. Smiling shyly, she looked away momentarily.  
  
The conversation moved to a more personal side, and it came out more awkward than it had in a very long time, my avoiding her and all personal matters were to blame.  
  
"Thank you Cullen, our escape from Haven" Her eyes went back to me and she tilted her head to the side, a look of sadness on her face "I find it hard to believe that you- that so many made it out." She stumbled on her words again, I love seeing the effect we have on each other is mutual.  
  
"As am I lingered on a thought and hesitated before opening up to her even more. She started to walk away I have to say it now. "...you stayed behind, you could have..” I couldn’t speak the thought that was on my mind, “I won't allow the events at Haven happen again, you have my word."  
  
The Inquisitor was gone for long periods of time, and I found myself missing her more and more each day. Wondering when they would be home, wanting to hear all of Varric’s stories of their triumphs. But what I yearned for most of all was her touch, wanting it to happen again, imagining what it would be like to kiss her, and experience things that didn't involve a horse...  
  
Currently, her party have been in the Emerald Graves for weeks. Leliana had her way of knowing everything was fine, but I found myself on edge, eagerly waiting for her return. I hadn't known Eve was back until she casually passed by while I was playing a game of chess with Dorian. He may be a mage from Tevinter, but if you look past that, he's extremely intelligent and a flirt always at the ready with a coy remark. In spite of me being comfortable with it or not.  
  
I almost jumped out of my seat and knocked the chess table over when I saw her pass by. My heart began to race like it did back in Haven when she touched me, or when that Maker forsaken horse inadvertently, gave us our first real intimate moment, so to speak.  
  
After besting Dorian (the sore loser), the Harold and I played for hours, irresponsibly ignoring our duties, but to spend these precious moments with her was worth it. We talked about good family memories, mostly mine, I guess, and sadly she beat me.  
  
It was from that moment that we chose to actively spend more time together. Each time I saw this exquisite woman, I never understood why she would be interested in me. My problems certainly outweigh the good things I have to offer, yet, here she is smiling at me, stealing a look or wink at inappropriate moments, touching when we have a moment alone, which always lasted just a few seconds, utter torture.  
  
I finally had a minute alone with her; we left my office in a hurry and found a private spot on the battlements. I expressed to her my concerns with us… being more than friends.  
  
"Cullen, I care about you and that's all that matters" she reassured me while stepping in close; she placed a hand on my chest.  
  
"I care about you too, and I don't want another day without you.” I instinctively held the hand she placed on my chest “But can we do this? Is it right? The Inquisitor and the Inquisition’s Commander? How appropriate is this?" I was legitimately concerned.  
  
She hooked one finger through my belt loop and pulled me close "I am not going anywhere, and I won't let you leave me." Her eyes went from concerned and serious to dark, a smirk grew on her face as she leaned in.  
  
I put my hands on her hips and pressed her between myself and the wall of the battlements. She wrapped her arms around my neck, it was exhilarating to have to so close to me again, my hands feeling everywhere, her eyes telling me it's okay, finally it's been so long our moment is here, I reach in for a kiss.  
  
"Commander!" A scout interrupted with something that I didn't care about at all right now. "Oh uh"  
  
"Can't you see I am busy?!" I growled at the scout, Eve hid her face in my chest out of embarrassment. "Leave. NOW"  
  
I immediately grabbed Eve and stole my kiss, the kiss I have been waiting so long for. She gasped in surprise at my sudden, rough kiss. I pressed my lips hard against hers like it was the last second we would get alone ever. She wrapped her arms around my neck as I let my hands search her body.  
  
Pressing her tight against the walls of the battlements, I gently grabbed her bottom lip with my teeth and pulled it away. She let out a soft moan as my tongue entered her now parted lips. Eve welcomed my tongue into her mouth by softly sucking on it then pushed her tongue into my mouth. I could feel myself getting hard, I didn’t want to stop, I wanted to push for more, but then nervously backed away.  
  
“I am sorry” I lovingly stared into her eyes “The was.. nice” I smiled. Her hands were wrapped around my neck, she had me in an Iron grip, It was clear that I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.  
  
“I believe that was a kiss” her voice was smooth as velvet, this woman was utterly intoxicating for me, “I am not sure though, it’s all a blur” she smiled then pulled me in for more.  
  
She reclaimed my mouth lightly kissing and pulling at my top lip, then my bottom. She then pulled away oh so slowly, lips barely grazing each other, I leaned in and she kept the same distance, releasing a small laugh. I let out a low rumble and she lightly pressed her lips against mine. Her hands were still holding my head, teasing me, making me want oh so much more. I sucked on her bottom lip and she pulled away.  
  
“Not fair” I growled against her mouth, she let out another light laugh; it was like music to my ears.  
  
Eve made her way down my jaw line with kisses and nibbles, it made everything below my belt stir as I grew harder. She buried herself in and kissed my neck, oh so lightly sucking. By this time, she was slowly grinding herself against my leg. I moved my leg in between hers and she moaned, in appreciation. I grabbed her face and pulled her in for one last kiss.  
  
Her tongue entered my mouth first as I felt her breast on the outside of her shirt. She explored my mouth until finding my tongue. I took control as she rubbed against my leg. She moaned my name one more time before pulling away. I didn’t want to let her go and held her for a moment she leaned back a caught her breath, as I waited for the blood to go back to my brain.  
  
Once we cooled off and regained some composure, Eve smiled, with now very plump and red lips, which drove my heart to skip a beat once again. She left the battlements with one last comment, “Sorry to have interrupted your work, Commander”.  
  
I grabbed her hand and caught her attention once more, “After dusk. Find me. Please” Eve smiled, then walked down the stairs.  
  
\--  
  
A minute didn't pass by for the rest of the day that I didn't think of her. I tried to stick to clean moments as to hold back certain urges around company. I didn't need an Orlesian Duke noticing an erection while we were working out troop deployment schedules.  
  
It was long after the sun had set, I was still busy with documents and orders, all of the mindless paperwork that came with an ever growing army of well over 200 men and women. It was small by other army's numbers, but with multiple people flocking in every day, even more when Eve and her party were out on missions, our numbers were always growing and a steady pace.  
  
Eve hadn't come to see me yet, or I was so busy I hadn't noticed her. After my candle had burned out, I decided that enough was enough and people won't die if I stop signing papers till the morning. I walked at a hurried pace to Eves bedchamber, not even taking notice of how late it possibly could be. I just needed a moment or ten of just her.  
  
The great hall was empty aside from two guards standing at her door. I walked up and waited for them to step aside.  
  
"The inquisitor has retired for the evening sir," one guard said, almost trembling in my presence. Was I this terrifying?  
  
"I have urgent news that requires her immediate attention, stand aside. NOW" I snapped. They did as they were told and gave me access to her door. "Oh and this is top secret, so if I hear any of this from your mouths or anyone else's, it's latrine duty for a month.. With spoons as shovels. Got it?"  
  
Their eyes were wide with fear as they nodded in acknowledgment.  
  
I walked up the steps to her actual room, candles were still burning, the fire was low, but she was asleep with a book in hand. My heart sank as I just wanted to spend even a small amount of time with her. Picking up the book from her grip and reading the cover "Hard In Hightown by Varric Tethras" the books condition was well worn and clearly read multiple times. I flipped open the cover only to read "if lost return to Cassandra Pantaghast -or else"  
  
"Ha!" Burst out with a louder than appropriate laugh. Eve stirred awake.  
  
"Cullen?" She asked still half asleep  
  
"Yes, I am sorry I just came to see if you were awake, I'll let myself out" I whispered, leaned over to kiss Eve on the forehead and began to leave.  
  
"Well that's not nice, wake a girl up and the leave her" she grumbled and sat up in bed.  
  
I turned around to see a mess of hair on the top of her head, and a half asleep version of the woman that makes my world shine. She still looked perfect. "What would you like me to do?"  
  
She smiled and tapped a spot beside her on her bed. I got in with her and she snuggled close. Eve fit in so perfectly right under my arm, her head on my chest.  
  
"Your heart is racing" she giggled I could feel a smile grow on her face.  
  
"Yes, I am afraid you have that effect on me.. Among other things" I cleared my throat.  
  
She cuddled in deeper and held me close. "Like on the battlements today?"  
  
"Yes" Replying with a low grumble.  
  
"And on the horse?" Her tone still groggy.  
  
"Oh, Makers breath, that was the most embarrassing moment of my life" I was feeling the shame of it all over again.  
  
"Why? I was so turned on that whole ride, I chose to embrace it" she was tracing Figure eights on my chest oh so lightly.  
  
"What had you so turned on?" I was legitimately curious, maybe some fuel for future fun.  
  
"You know when I close the fade rifts?" Eve sat up and looked at me with a big grin, "Utterly orgasmic" she gushed.  
  
"You mean you've been getting off all over Thedas and there’s nobody with you to relish the moment with?" I was utterly jealous, I've been busting my ass here and she's coming all over the land. She nodded, "okay first of all" I laughed "Not fair, second COMPLETELY sexy" she covered her face with her hands, as if to hide some shame, "and third I am joining next time" we both laughed.  
  
"I would love that, but I don't think the others would, tents don't hold secrets or noises" she pecked me lightly on the lips. "Stone walls, however..." Eve grazed her hand down my inner thy, then kissed my neck.  
  
I pushed her away before things got too far, "you don't have to do that.." I looked at her right in the eyes, I wanted her to know that she had no obligation.  
  
"I want to" she leaned in and sucked my earlobe, "you will just have to help me along the way... Since I've only had sex once.. And it was with a girl" she rubbed my chest and kissed my jaw.  
  
It was so difficult to not go completely hard with a thought like that. "Let's not go too fast here, enjoy the moment?"  
  
"I need to catch you up. By my count I have closed 10 rifts so you can think on that for a bit" her tongue found my collarbone, her hands in my hair, tugging so lightly. Thoughts, dirty thoughts clouding my better judgment.  
  
"No no, that's not how this works," she stroked my inner thy with a free hand "I need to make you come properly for every rift you close, think of it as a reward for doing Thedas a favor... Incentive so to speak." She giggled in my ear between nibbles. "What about now though, you've started something and the poor guy has been denied so many times..." I trailed off and looked at her.  
  
"Teach me" Eve said with a breathy voice so close to my ear I could feel her lips lightly graze it, it gave me goosebumps "Teach me what you like Cullen" she pecked my lips and nose and chin "Be my strict and relentless teacher" Eve emphasized on relentless, I moved her hand into my bulge, it was so hard already but Maker, her touch was good. I let out a deep breath and watched her "and if I am bad,” she bit my shoulder, hard. You have to punish me. Okay" I nodded my head in agreement. Oh,  good Maker, I've been waiting so long for this, too long.  
  
I took her hand and guided it under my pants and small clothes.  
  
"Oh Commander" she mused "it's always so great of you to stand at attention for you Inquisitor" Her eyes were filled with heat, the tantalizing grin that made me quiver returned to her face.  
  
I grabbed her head and kissed her aggressively. Pulling her body against mine, her hand stopped stroking my cock "I didn't say to stop" I said against her lips, and she started to stroke me again she smiled against my mouth. The rhythm was nice and slow, the pressure perfect. I moved again, as her hand went up and down, up and down. We took off my breeches and underclothes, and then I told her to straddle my lap. She continued to stroke slowly. I looked at her and told her to not speed up but don't stop, as the eager student my Inquisitor did everything perfectly. We leaned together for a kiss, our tongues fighting for dominance. Sliding my hands under her night clothes, I touched her hot skin, and then moved up slowly. Touching her supple breasts, I rub them only for a few seconds and the nipples grow so hard so hard in my hands. We take off her shirt, I place her hands around my neck and she instantly starts playing with my hair.  
  
Starting at her neck I nibble and lick down to her shoulder then down her collarbone. Bite, lick, kiss, bite, lick, kiss. I pull her closer, then my mouth finds a breast and I start licking a nipple while my hand works the other, circles and massaging. My tongue licks around her hard nipple then sucks on it lightly. She pulls me back up to her mouth so I take a hand and touch her stomach. This time while I explore her mouth with my tongue, my hand moves down. I touch her pussy on the outside of her underclothes. It's so hot and so wet, she moans at the simple touch.  
  
"Do you like?" I look up at her nods, bites her lip and pushes her pussy against my hand. "You want more?"  
  
"Teach me what you like Cullen, please"  
  
"Well, I currently enjoy that" I smile at her and kiss her lips. She starts to grind faster, "don't be in such a hurry" I whispered in her ear then sucked on the lobe. I guide her to her back on the bed. I soak in what I see, my blond queen wanting me so badly, her perfect body and stunning eyes looking up at me, waiting, wanting.  
  
I lay on top of her, our bodies pressed so tightly together, my cock is so hard; I use it to tease her still covered pussy while I kiss her deeply. She bites my lip and pulls my hair if there was any possible way to get harder I would be.  
  
Kissing the hollow of her neck and playing with her breasts, I kiss down between them, down her stomach and past her belly button. Sitting up, I untie her underclothes like they are gift wrap, then I see her entirely naked in front of me.  
  
I rub her hot pussy and she starts to moan her juices already spilling out, taking one finger I rub slow circles around her spot. Immediately Eve starts to squirm from my touch, she holds my free hand tight as I watch her enjoy it. Slowly slide one finger into her warm, wet and so tight pussy, my thumb on her spot and I start moving in and out. She starts to curse and match my movement. She gasps my name as I put another finger in and start moving in and out again, in and out, in her hole and rubbing up and down on her clit. I try one more finger, a sharp gasp at first then pure enjoyment. In and out, slowly going faster, rubbing up and down harder. In and out faster and faster, her eyes never leave mine as she starts to shiver. I move faster and harder, her body trembles more and more. She can't even make words now, just panting and shivering. Till her pussy gets tighter, she arches her back and yells "oh fuck the Maker".  
  
She comes down from her orgasm completely breathless and looks up at me. "Those rifts have nothing on you, love" She laughs "but what about you?"  
  
I hold myself over her and kiss her hard, "are you ready for round two?" She looks up at me, and nods "I wanted you to have some fun first, fingers and tongues don't hurt as much as a hard cock when it's your first time."  
  
She, still looking up at me and nods her head. We kiss again, our tongues moving together like they have been doing this for years.  
  
Then I push my so, so hard cock in very slowly. My eyes on her face, her eyes closed, and she gasps. I can't tell if it's good or bad. I push halfway in and slowly start to thrust.  
  
"How's this?" Her eyes still closed, she nods. I push in deeper and continue to go in and out. Feeling her tightly wrapped around my cock.  
  
"You're so tight Evelin" I breath out in pleasure. It's been so long since I’ve been with anyone; I don't know how long I'll last.  
  
I thrust my cock in deep and at a steady pace; she's looking at me again. I take that as a sign it's good. As she adjusts her hips, my pelvic bone makes contact with her clit and her moaning starts again. I feel pussy start to contract and her body tremble, being sure to keep on her clit I move faster and harder, oh Maker I am so close.  
  
"Eve, where can I finish?" It took her a moment to clue in what I was talking about and the waves bringing her close to coming weren't helping.  
  
"I want you to fuck me right through to the end" she declared just before her explosion of pleasure. Her last big convulsion made me explode in my own wave of amazing pleasure.  
  
"Fuck Evelin" I thrust a few more times to finish and then collapsed on top of her. My life felt pretty perfect right now. "Let's never leave this room again," I said while trying to catch my breath.  
  
She laughed, and we soon passed out, the first decent sleep I’ve had in months.


	5. Choices

I was taking a break from paperwork to watch the sun finally rise over the mountains. Being so deep in the Frostbacks, the peaks were much closer to the heavens and it took about an hour longer for the sun to finally come over each morning in comparison to Haven. I had been up since daybreak, signing various papers, arranging times for a fitting with Vivian’s personal tailor, signing ludicrous things that are passed on to me when my advisers couldn't do the work or give the proper answer. Cullen had left my bedchamber at first light; I could hear him yelling at the guards, telling them to wipe the grins off their faces.  
  
It had only been a few hours and I missed his closeness already. I was fortunate that the view from my balcony allowed me to see him running morning drills with the recruits. Watching him from afar, I almost forgot that he was a formidable warrior, my moments with him were either tender and alone or talking at the war table with my council. I hadn't seen him fight since the first day I saw him. In all these months, and all the time we spent together I still have so much to learn about the man who I think I am falling for.  
  
I heard the door to my bedchamber open, and the soft footsteps of one person walking up the stairs. I continued to enjoy the mountain air, not worrying about who walked up. The guards knew that only a select few could enter unannounced.  
  
"Oh fuck the Maker?" Liliana mused with a light tone to her voice.  
  
My heart jumped to my throat, my eyes open wide, why am I even surprised that someone heard me? I got lost in the moment and yelled too loud. I continue to lean against the balcony railing and look out into the morning sky, waiting for her to approach.  
  
“You have a dirty mouth for such an early hour Sister Nightingale” I joked, it was obvious she already knew I was the one who yelled out last night. “Especially for a member of the Chantry, I am shocked to say the least” I continued with my joke.  
  
She joined me on the balcony, mimicking my pose and looking into the mountains. “It is to my understanding that it was you who moaned the Maker’s name in vain last night Inquisitor”  
  
Dropping my head down I release a sigh, “how many know?”  
  
Leliana turned around and leaned against the banister, crossing her arms “From what I can tell few if any. Apart from your inner circle, most people wouldn’t recognize your voice,” She paused for a second, then laughed quietly, “Though you might want to speak with Varric, these are the sort of events he likes to put in smutty books” She started to walk away “now that kiss on the battlements, on the other hand, everyone is going on about that.” Making one last comment, just before I called her back.  
  
“Leliana, I was wondering some things” I turned to face her and she looked at me.  
  
“Yes, Lady Inquisitor?” Her voice was so kind and caring, it was very easy to open up to Leliana, she was the only one that truly knew what was going on.. everywhere.  
  
“When… when did you know that you wanted to dedicate your life to the Chantry? Completely?”  
  
Leliana thought about the question, she looked at me trying to read my face, “Well, you never just know that you want to do one thing or the other, you make the choice to dedicate yourself wholeheartedly. Look at the people you know, Cullen chose the Inquisition, both Cassandra and I chose to become the hands of the Devine when offered, even Most Holy chose to accept the position.” Liliana tilted her head to the side and stepped closer. “Why do you ask?”  
  
I played with a coin that Cullen had given me, studying it, feeling the smooth edges that had been worn down over the years. “What do you think will happen to me after all of this?” I gestured my hands meaning Skyhold and everything else associated with the Inquisition.  
  
“You, Evelin Trevelyn, Harold of Andraste, Inquisitor of a world changing Inquisition, will have many options to choose from when we find peace. Maybe you will run whatever comes of the Inquisition. The Templars and Seekers both were born from the first one. Maybe you will steal Cullen away from us” she smiled “and have many blond Templar babies” we giggled together at the thought, “or who knows maybe you will become the next Devine”  
  
An involuntary burst of laughter escaped me “I am in no way going to be the next Devine,” I looked at her and shook my head at her ridiculous notion. “as you know,” raising my eyebrow, I grinned “I enjoy life’s pleasures way too much.”  
  
“Think of it this way then, we still have a very long road ahead of us, and what will you do if Cullen dies along the way?”  
  
I looked straight forward, everything froze momentarily, the weight of her words struck me like a stone brick to the chest. I finally let out a long breath, racking my brain trying to think of an answer, I had nothing, my life without him would be nothing. “I can’t answer; life does not exist if he doesn’t”  
  
“I think you would be more than ready to become the Devine then, and I would be there to support you wholeheartedly” she smiled at me, trying to bring me away from the horrible thoughts “you love him don’t you?”  
  
I laughed lightly and nervously scratched my head, “Look at you with all of your difficult questions.” Looking directly into Leliana’s eyes, my heart gave a big sweltering thump right before I spoke “I-I think I really do, to be honest. It’s crazy to say it out loud, Maker’s breath, we only kissed for the first time yesterday. It’s too soo-“  
  
“Inquisitor, don’t finish that sentence.” Leliana interrupted and pointed a gloved finger at me “I have seen the results of love at first sight with my own eyes. I have watched it grow and blossom and bloom into something beautiful, despite all of the horrific things going on around them.” I knew exactly who she was talking about, King Alistar and his Queen, the Hero of Ferelden, “I see it in you and Cullen, do not squander it, because, it will never happen again” Leliana touched my arm, as if to solidify everything she said, “physically, your love may have just started, but it began the day you walked out of the Fade and changed your life forever”.  
  
I looked away and tried to hold back tears, she hit the target on my heart spot on. “I think I need to go see him” I smiled once at her, she nodded in approval.  
  
Running through Skyhold, I finally see Cullen and call out his name, when he turned around, he gave me a confused and annoyed look. I’ve never used his first name in public before and picked a very busy place to test the waters. Having a stern look on his face, Cullen started walking over.  
  
Just then, a horse and inquisition scout came charging into Skyhold, locking eyes with Cullen only for a moment I ran over to them; the rider slumped over his horse, barely alive. His skin was gray, eyes bloodshot, his breathing was filled with gargles, and coughing blood. Leliana quickly joined us while Cassandra and Cullen cleared the area. We had no idea what he was suffering from and the last thing we needed was it to start spreading.  
  
Blackwall took the horse to be quarantined as the surgeon looked over the Scout. “This is beyond my knowledge Inquisitor, we need a mage.” My heart sank as we had no mages in Skyhold who were specifically studying magical healing.  
  
“Maybe what we need is Cole” Solas walked up, his voice calm as normal.  
  
“Someone, anyone! Find Cole” Leliana yelled out as Cassandra scoffed and made her own negative comments about him.  
  
“Wet, I feel cold and wet, the world is fuzzy and dark and smells… musty” Cole kneeled by the dying scout on the ground. “Our men, they have men, monsters, living-dead monsters from the water. NO! Don’t let them touch you. We need to find them, Avvar. - Dead” Cole turned around and looked at me, “He was in so much pain, everything inside of him was rotten, I am glad he’s gone.”  
  
I turned to look for Leliana and Cullen, but they were already gone, most likely figuring out some plan or scouring for information. When I looked back to Cole, he had vanished.  
  
\---  
  
As soon as everyone had sufficient information, we met at the war table.  
  
“Why does she have to go? Can’t we send my men and storm the keep?”  
  
“My scouts report that the Avaar leader has specifically sent out a challenge to the Inquisitor. So no, plus there are reports of rifts in the area, which you know as well as everyone else in Thedas that the Inquisitor is the only one who can close them”  
  
I sent a sideways glance to Cullen, he looked back at me and stifled a smile. “Well then, we need to control the area before we send her party in, it’s just too dangerous”. He was using his deep and serious voice, it would never intimidate Leliana or Cassandra, but the attempt was adorable.  
  
“Why does it matter now?!” Cassandra blurted out in her typical tone of voice and all round annoyed attitude. “You could throw her in front of a rift that reached the sky, but make her fight some dead things and we need to send in the cavalry? “One of her arms flailed to the side, in a fast, strong gesture.  
  
“It’s different now,” Cullen shouted back at Cassandra, the scowl on his face matched her grimace. “We can’t send her in arrows firing everywhere. We need to know what’s going on! What if she dies, Cassandra? Are you ready for that future?!” His face was red, a vein started to throb on the side of his forehead.  
  
I dropped my glance to the table, remembering the feelings when Leliana asked me the same question. I looked at her, pleading for some of her insight.  
  
“Maybe the Commander has a point” Leliana’s eyes went from Cullen who said “thank the Maker” under his breath to Cassandra who walked away from the table and threw her arms in the air in defeat. “The future that Dorian and the Inquisitor went to could still happen. The Empress is still at risk, and we know very little about the missing Grey Wardens, none the lone how to stop a demon army. We need to be careful where we send the Inquisitor until we change some of that future.” She locked eyes with me, knowing that she was completely right.  
  
“Thank you for seeing some reason here Leliana” Cullen breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
Leliana looked at Cullen, keeping a stern face, he needed to know that he did not win this discussion entirely, “Well, the Inquisitor still needs to go there since the Avvar leader did specifically challenge her; it might be the only way we can get the missing scouts back alive. I’ll send my fastest agents out immediately,” she turned her eyes in my direction, “but you should be prepared to leave in the morning, if not sooner”


	6. No

[Trevelyn]  
  
The sun had set over the mountains, the sky a discomforting hue of green-orange. On clear nights, it was unsettling to look up at the sky as the green glow of each fade rift reflected above, causing odd colours and green tints, corrupting something beautiful.  
  
Eve knew that she needed to sleep soon, but her mind wouldn't slow down. Is he always going to be like this? Be so over protective that he's willing to send in 50 people just to make sure it's safe for me. I can see where he's coming from, but, this is a little extreme. If I could of actually had a voice in the matter, Cassandra and I would already be 12 hours into a trip to the Fallow Mire, screw the disease, I'd convince Dorian to do some sparkly magicky thing on me and all would be fine.  
  
From my view, I could see candle light flickering away in Cullen's office. If I had to be away for a week or possibly more, I was going to spend every last possible moment with him. Maker's breath, this is going to be the longest stretch of days in my life.  
  
I took the fastest way I could think of to his office, slowly creaked the centre door open, and walked in. The room was so warm and inviting. The yellow candlelight flickering in his desk, his equipment neatly organized along the walls, and every single book on his shelf categorized perfectly, his scent filling the room. I took a deep breath and instantly felt at home in here.  
  
I walked over to Cullen; he was writing letters and signing various documents. I put my hand on his shoulder; he smiled but continued to write feverously, his calm voice finally breaking the silence.  
  
"Almost done, one more." Cullen looked up to me and continued to smile.  
  
"Who's the last one for?" I asked while he grabbed a new piece of parchment and dipped the pen in the inkwell.  
  
Cullen let out a long sigh "My sister".  
  
"Oh?" things just got interesting; this man writes to his sister once in a blue moon, "what is it about?"  
  
"You." It was a short note, one line. Cullen then stood up and hugged me. He held on tight and breathed deeply. He kissed the top of my head, then, rested his chin where he kissed. This moment was sweet and tender, but all I could think about was the note, and what it said. "She keeps mentioning women she knows around here and back where she lives, trying to get me to settle down, now that I am not in the order."  
  
Letting out a laugh, "You? Cullen Rutherford? Settle down? The wild and unrestricted man that you are must be free to sow your seeds" I joked.  
  
I could feel his small laugh as he continued to hold me. "You want to read it don't you?"  
  
I nodded my head "The torture is killing me not knowing" trying to keep the mood light, I jokingly stretched my arm out behind him to reach for the note on his desk, but he wouldn't let me go.  
  
"Fine," Letting out a sigh Cullen stretched around and reached the note for me, "happy now?" he asked, holding the note out.  
  
"Not sure yet" I snatched the note from him and read the one single line about me. "There is someone, stop it -Cullen" I looked up at him almost offended "this is all I get?" I asked teasingly. On the outside, I presented as coy while inside, my heart was racing and thumping hard against my chest.  
  
"It's more than anyone else got" Grabbing the note from me, he tossed it back on his desk. That comment caused the thumping to increase, oh Maker, I loved him so much, and I was sure he was there or getting to that point as well.  
  
"I don't know if I should feel hurt or special" I teasingly laughed, knowing that this was a big move for him, and very sweet.  
  
My head was now in his hands, callused and rough, but soft and tender all at once. I put my hands on his chest and closed my eyes. There has never been a moment more than now that I have felt so safe and so at ease. He pressed a kiss against my lips then leaned his forehead against mine and oh so quietly he whispered, "You should feel loved". His touch, his words, my beating heart, everything about this moment right now was perfect, I felt lightheaded, feathery, happy, in love.  
  
I went weak in the knees, as my mind fog of happiness took over, I didn't want time to move forward. Knowing it would despite my wishes, I hugged him tightly, "You're making it impossible for me to leave tomorrow."  
  
"That's the point," Cullen dropped his hands and walked across the room to snuff the candle "It's my evil plan to keep you here with me forever... Or at least make you come home faster" a smirk grew on his face.  
  
My mind went to closing the rifts and the special deal he decided to make, the thought made my lower parts warm. All I could think about is what he could do to me, what he could teach me. My pulse sped up as I slinked over to him, a dirty smirk of growing on my face.  
  
"You have dirty in your eyes Messere," I said in a low voice, allowing my Marcher accent to come out thick. Placing a hand on his chest I started tracing figure eights on his shirt, looking up to him. He laughed at my Marcher terminology.  
  
"Messere? I know I haven't been to the Free Marches in a while, but I am almost positive that I would be Sereah to your Messere" he started to kiss my neck. It sent a shiver down my spine with each kiss, the shiver caused me to gasp, goosebumps growing on my arms. My body was so sensitive to his touch, I was already turned on and wanting, I could feel the wetness between my legs starting.  
  
"You are wrong. When we aren't talking strictly business" I said in a mocking low voice, and felt him smile against my skin "you are the Messere and don't forget it" his hands moved all over my body, while his lips lingered around my neck, his stubble prickling me as he moved. I let out a long slow breath.  
  
"Yes ma'am," Cullen said while switching sides of my neck and starting to feel my breast over my shirt. He laughed and started licking between kisses on my collarbone. "Your nipples are already hard," a smile grew on his face. His breath causing the wet spots he left on my neck to tingle with even more stimulation.  
  
"It's your fault, your presence does horrible things to me" I ran my fingers through his hair as he came back up slowly kissing my neck, nibbling my ear and ever so lightly tugging on it, tracing my jaw with is lips and finally a deep kiss on my own.  
  
It started off soft and tender, gently sucking on my bottom lip, lightly dragging his teeth and pulling at my top lip, then finally, mouths finding each other, he pushed hard against my lips and pulled me in close, our bodies pressed together, rubbing together. One of his hands runs down from the small of my back and slides down over my ass, squeezing it. The other, buried deeply in the mess of my hair, grabbing and pulling oh so lightly. I am so wet right now, everything is pulsating, and I could probably come at a simple touch. My mind blocks everything else out, just him, me and this pleasure, I lightly moan, not being able to hold back with my body being utterly aroused. Cullen's kiss became rougher, he bit my lip harder, I opened my mouth, and his tongue entered. I put my hands around his face and sucked on his tongue momentarily pulling him in more before pressing my tongue into his mouth. He growled and tightly squeezed my ass.  
  
Cullen pulled away, utterly breathless, I look up at him trying to catch my own, I feel his chest his heart pounds, he smiles at me and kisses my forehead.  
  
"We should probably go up to the loft, no locks on the doors, and the scouts walk through here day and night." He said, still breathing faster than normal, he put his hand on my face, and never dropped his stare from my eyes.  
  
About to follow me up the latter, he grabs my arm and pulls me back and gives me a long and slow kiss. I am so enchanted by him that I loosen my grip on the latter. The kiss is broken when I fall into his chest, my cheeks now beat red, and me utterly embarrassed. He laughs at me while making coy remarks about latter safety.  
  
The second floor of the tower, where he sleeps, when he does, it's very disheveled and not what I expected. I only get a few seconds to look around before I am grabbed by the arm and our long slow latter kiss –now sans latter- continues. He turns me around and starts kissing my neck while trying to unbutton my shirt.  
  
"Makers breath, these buttons are better than the lock on the front gate" He complains in my ear then sucks on my earlobe.  
  
I help him out as he slips a hand in and takes a handful of my breasts. All my senses are on overdrive as it feels like he's everywhere, one hand squeezing my breast and the other sliding down and lightly touches my throbbing pussy through my pants. He pulls me in tight against his body and began to rub his hard bulge against my ass, my soaking wet pussy starts to crave his touch wanting more, needing more. Taking his hand I guide it down to the inside of my pants, he starts rubbing me and I quiver, letting out a deep breath. His tongue, on my neck licking, breathing, and causing everything to tingle. His hand, massaging the outside of my sopping wet pussy while the other was still playing with my breasts. The sensory overload made me moan and lose balance; my knees are too weak to be useful.  
  
He swept me off my feet and I suddenly felt so small in his arms. Setting me on the edge of his bed, Cullen pulls off his shirt and I start to undo his pants. I hadn't done it before, but I was mentally prepared to put his hard cock in my mouth and lick him till he explodes.  
  
Cullen was standing in front of me and I pulled him in closer. He took a step back, looking up at him I didn't know what to say, wasn't this supposed to be amazing for men? Why didn't he want it?  
  
He chuckled at my confusion "normally, I would be more than willing" he sat on the bed, back to the headboard. "But we -no I, need to last longer than that particular act would allow"  
  
"It doesn't have to last long, as long as it's good, no?" I have no idea how these things work, oh Andraste's ass, I feel like an idiot.  
  
"It depends," he replied while helping me take off my pants and shirt. He then pulled me into his lap, straddling it and kissed my neck. My neck tingled with the sensation, his tongue moving, his stubble prickling and making everything even more sensitive. The warmth between my legs was to the max, I was so wet that I could feel it covering my pussy entirely. I could feel him hard, on the other side of my undergarments.  
  
"I need you" I quivered, so aroused that words were escaping my mind.  
  
Looking into my eyes, Cullen took a tight grip of my ass and pulled me closer. Our bodies pressed together so hard I could feel his heart pounding. Wrapping my arms around his neck, gripping his hair, I started to grind myself against his cock as he kissed me. My breasts rubbing against his perfect body. Cullen let out a low growl and gripped my ass even harder, it hurt but felt so good at the same time, I bit his shoulder to reciprocate the pain. He chuckled.  
  
I couldn't wait any longer. I took a hand, pushed the fabric over and locked eyes with him as I used my body weight to push his throbbing hard cock in. It hurt at first as I was still too tight for him, but I moved slowly and took all of him in. I was so wet the movement was easy and smooth. Being so turned on I already started to shake, my lip quivered, as he moved me up and down. I moaned and Cullen bit my quivering lip dragging his teeth along the delicate skin.  
  
The stimulation left my legs practically useless, weak and quaking, Cullen was strong enough to lift me up and down on his cock almost on his own. His hands were tight around my ass as he helped me move slowly up and down, bodies still rubbing against each other. Cullen was breathing heavily and quietly moaning with every plunge into my pussy. He kissed me deeply as I slowly went down and up. Feeling him as he filled me up, rubbing against my too tight pussy. Maker, this felt so right.  
  
Cullen's tongue found mine, as he pressed hard against my lips for one last kiss. He pulled away and asked me to stop for a moment. We each took deep breaths and exhaled slowly, I caught his glance, and on reflex I smiled, it made me let out a breathy giggle and caused my heart to skip a beat.  
  
He kissed my nose and sighed, "you are too perfect".  
  
I got off his lap and pulled off my undergarments. He kissed the spot just below my belly button and instructed me to lie on my side, facing away. I did as he said, no questions asked.  
  
He moved in right behind and spooned me. I could feel his super hard cock against my pussy. It wasn't long before he slid it in and kissed the back of my neck.  
  
I gasped as this felt different, better. Something else inside of me was being rubbed against his cock and it was very good. The amazing feeling made me moan more, and I have before, I couldn't help it as much as I wanted to. I put my hand above my head as he squeezed my breast hard and pinched my nipple. I moaned louder with each thrust and went to bite a pillow. Cullen pumped himself into me a little harder and faster than we moved before, I bite down on a pillow to hold back my noises, he laughs. This new sensation was amazing. I was utterly lost in the pleasure.  
  
He started rubbing my front spot and I went crazy, words and thoughts didn't exist, just sighs and moans. My body started to shiver and mini quakes started to surge through, waves of tenseness followed by release started, his hand moving faster on my clit, he continued thrusting joining with my moans at each tight wave and release.  
  
He slowed down and stopped again. I growled, I was so close and he stopped!  
  
"One more," he said and pulled out. He guided me to the edge of the bed and bent me over it. "Faster now ok" I grinned with excitement.  
  
He pushed his hard cock in it felt so good, nothing hurt, I felt him go in as deep as he could he started to thrust. That amazing sensation in the front was there and I moaned. Going in and out, Cullen started to move faster, joining me in the moans again.  
  
My body started to quake again. My whole body was quivering with each wave of pleasure; he picked up the pace and moved in and out. His thrusts got much harder and faster. "Oh. fuck me. Cullen" I said as quietly as I could as the tension in my core was building, everything was getting tighter. His bed squeaked in protest to the speed and strength of the pounding He went faster and harder in and out, in and out, deeper and harder, and then the eruption happened and I moaned loudly into the bed. My pussy was so sensitive it could hardly handle the thrusting, I needed him out, I couldn't handle the touch, but I didn't want it to end, I continued to jump and quiver, still bent over his bed. One hard push into me, two more hard drives, Cullen then grabbed my hair and pulled as he climaxed inside of me again. He continued to go until he was soft and then flopped down beside me.  
  
I giggled as he flopped, breathless beside me. He just shook his head and smiled. Reaching a hand over to me, he moved my hair off my face; it was a tangled mess of braids, and knots. It would take forever to get it smooth again, but totally worth it. He cupped my face with his hand and I kissed the palm, still lying in the same position as before.  
  
After a quick, and oh sweet Maker, sensual cleanup we got into bed, he held me close like before, spooning and holding me tight I fell asleep while he was kissing my back.  
  
\-----  
  
I woke up the next morning to the door in the room below opening and Cassandra loudly saying "get up" before slamming it so hard, I swear the hinges could have broken off.  
  
Cullen pulled me in tight, his arms still wrapped around me from last night. "You're not allowed to leave me" he grumbled still half asleep and kissed my back.  
  
I wiggled in closer and then felt his hard cock against my butt, I was instantly turned on. "Good morning Commander" I giggled and rubbed my bottom against it, thinking about him made me get warm between my legs.  
  
"Oh," Cullen moved back and apologized "it will go away soon, just means I had good dreams" he kissed the back of my neck then rolled into his back. "You should get ready and cleaned up, Cassandra is already growing impatient." He said now more awake than before, looking up at the hole in his roof, it was still dark out but, first light would be soon.  
  
"But Commander" I got up and straddled him, the sheets between us. "I think I need my early morning drill" I frowned at him. Wanting him so badly my pussy pulsated.  
  
He laughed at making another thing about his job dirty. "No, you need to go" he smiled at me and tried to get up. I pushed him down and started rubbing his morning wood with my pussy through the sheets. "Eve stop". Cullen protested.  
  
"I need my lesson sir" I leaned forward and kissed his chest, still grinding. I was getting wet now.  
  
"Eve, really I-I" Cullen buckled forward and let out a gasping moan.  
  
The sheets between us were suddenly wet, I didn't know what to do, he looked annoyed and moved me off of him. "Cullen. I-I what happened?" He got off the bed and began walking away, pulling the sheet with him.  
  
"Can you just go?" He wouldn't look at me, but I could tell he was mad, he started pushing things out of the way looking for something.  
  
"But I-" I sat there helpless, feeling horribly stupid, awful, hurt, just wrong. What did I do that was so horrible?  
  
"Just get your stuff and leave!" he interrupted, shouting ", please".  
  
Throwing on my clothes as fast as I could, I ran to my room, just praying to the Maker that Cassandra doesn't see me. Right now, the last thing I need is another person to yell at me.  
  
I took more time than I should have to clean myself up and get ready for the day's journey there. I don't know how to process this, I was confused and hurt, angry and frustrated all at once. My hands shook as I tried to put my armor on.  
  
Out of frustration, I throw my bow and quiver across the room, the arrows spill everywhere. I cursed Andraste's name and started to cinch my leather gear tighter as if it would hold me together and keep me from falling apart.  
  
A quick wrap on the door let me know that it was Dorian, we were close, both of us essentially being abandoned by our powerful parents because of who we slept with. Most of the days we had spent together we flirted shamelessly and made jokes about us being naughty orphans. There was something about Dorian that always made the day a bit more fun.  
  
"If you don't get your cute bottom down here post haste my dear, I am afraid that you will be running from Cassandra, not Coryphaeus." A very loud thud hit my door; it caused me to laugh, assuming that Cassandra threw something at him for the comment. "Entirely inappropriate Cassandra!" he shouted out into the main hall.  
  
Not replying to Dorian, I sat at my desk, closed my eyes and tried to calm down one final time. I could hear Dorians boots thud up the stairs; he then slowly walked towards me.  
  
"I know Cassandra can be terrifying, but I hope that bully didn't make you cry" his joyful sense of humor shining through.  
  
Shaking my head, I smile and look up, "No, just overwhelmed. Let's go" I put a cold look on my face and headed towards the stairs.  
  
Dorian touched my arm and lightly pulled at me to face him. He sighed while taking his thumb and wiping a tear from my cheek, "What sort of trouble is my orphan sister in now? We've been to future, killed countless evildoers, and don't forget that walking the fade trick you did, and after all of that, I have never seen you like this." He tilted his head, a look of genuine concern on his face, "what has you frazzled my dear?"  
  
I continued with my emotionless stare, blocking my confusion and pain. "Nothing, I am fine now, just needed to let go of something before we left". I walked down the stairs, stone-faced, emotionless, and ignoring Cassandra's obvious outburst, I head straight into the war room.  
  
Cullen and Leliana were already in there, planning a safe approach to the Fallow Mire. Cullen looked sad, it was obvious that he regretted his own outburst, but this wasn't the place, nor did we have the time to talk about it. I ignored him for the rest of the meeting for fear that I would break and chose to listen intently to Leliana as she handed over instructions and a map.  
  
The group was ready and waiting, we guided our horses out of the stables to the outside gates of Skyhold quickly; we somehow needed to make up for the lost time.  
  
Cullen called out my name and ran towards us. I leaned my forehead against my horse to hide my face, I just wanted to go and forget everything. Right now, I would prefer fighting undead beasts with a risk of contracting the sickness myself more than talking to Cullen. I needed time to cool off.  
  
"Evelin" he ran up to me and put his hand on my shoulder, I rolled it off and got the stirrups ready. "For Makers sake, Eve will you just look at me". Cullen snapped, clearly frustrated.  
  
Varric sensed the tension and suggested that he Dorian and Cassandra get moving. I would meet them down the road.  
  
"What do you want Cullen?" I turned around and retorted.  
  
He was taken back by my outburst but accepted it, he knew he deserved it. "Eve, I-I am sorry", he looked sad, and in pain. I looked away from him; I was going to resist this, him.  
  
"I don't have time for this right now Cullen; we won't make it to the Mire till after dusk now." I tried to turn around, but he grabbed my hand. I glared and tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let go.  
  
"Everything all right Inquisitor?" Dorian yelled from down the path.  
  
I tried to get my arm loose one more time, but Cullen pulled me in close. My heart welled up, the sadness coming back to my face; I closed my eyes, shook my head and looked away. Cullen wrapped his arm around mine, our arms now twisted together and placed my hand on his chest, he hadn't put his armor on yet so I could feel his heart pounding. It caused me to melt, I couldn't resist him, I couldn't be mad. I looked up at him, still hurt, still sad. He placed a long and soft kiss on my forehead and then leaned his head against mine. My eyes welled up with tears while my heart wanted to leap up in my chest.  
  
"Come back to me" he whispered, his voice wavering.  
  
"I don't want to miss you this much," I said quietly, revealing my true pain, the pain I didn't want to accept.  
  
"I'll miss you enough for the both of us" Cullen replied.  
  
Before we broke apart, Cullen slipped a note into my hand. "For your eyes only," he said with a sly grin.  
  
I got onto my horse, looked back at him once, and then rushed to catch up.  
  
The note burning a hole in my pocket.  
  
 


	7. Tap

[Cullen]

Why did watching her ride away hurt so much? Each click of the horses hooves, hollowing out my soul. I actually have an empty feeling in my chest, but, I know my heart is still there as I can feel it pounding away. I try to settle my breathing, but I do not dare blink until Eve is completely out of sight.

She’s gone. Closing my eyes, I take three very long, slow, deep breaths, then turn around and head back to Skyhold. I enter the fortress as Commander, not Cullen, not someone in love, not a man missing half his soul after just realizinge it had been missing that portion for so long.

I ignore the stares of the people who saw my rather embarrassing spectacle and go get ready for the day, but, of course, not before yelling at the recruits for not starting their morning drills. The shouting felt good.

[Trevelyn]

I had almost caught up to the party when Dorian slowed down to meet me halfway, coincidentally, just far enough to be out of earshot to the others.

“Well, that was quite the episode!” Dorian mused, referring to the emotional outburst I just had with Cullen. “Who needs Orlesian Theatre when I get to experience so much drama and emotion right outside my door!” He was clearly trying to cheer me up but wasn’t successful.

I let out a quiet laugh, “Well, it’s not as entertaining when you’re experiencing it, believe me” I looked forward, knowing that if I looked over and saw the pity on his face, my eyes would well up with water again. I almost resented Cullen for making me feel this way. Life was so much easier when he was just the Commander that made my heart flutter from a distance, no touching, no closeness, no sex, an easy and simple crush.

“You can’t let this affect you so much” Dorian said “I know love is great and an amazing, blah, blah, blah, and sex with the right person, just makes it even more real.” My cheeks flushed at the mention of sex, as hard as we tried, the secret didn’t stay that way for very long, if at all. “But you have a greater responsibility than just satisfying your needs.”

The last remark annoyed me, “Do you not think I know that Dorian?” I snapped “I was going to be a Templar, I wanted to swear my life to the Maker and serve him to protect people” Dorian rolled his eyes, then gave me an unamused look, waiting for me to continue my rant “Did you know that I lived in the Chantry for six years? Of course you did, everyone knows everything about me and my life. I served people less fortunate than I, and I preached Andraste’s words and sang the chants. All I have done for more than half my life is dedicate myself to others, and now that I get to feel something just for me, everyone gets to know about it and have an opinion.” My heart raced, but currently not in a good way, I was angry at just so many simple things that normal people took advantage of every day.

“You done yet? Or should I continue to count the clouds in the sky?” He looked over to me, rather bored.

I took a deep breath and released it slowly. “I needed that,” feeling relieved, slightly better.

“So you want privacy?” I nodded my head at Dorian’s question, “You won’t get it, you’re too important, get used to it” He said blatantly, “But, I would trade in a slight lack of privacy for a screaming orgasm any day”. He joked with that coy Dorian smirk on his face.

I held back a laugh and looked away as if I could hide my slight embarrassment.

[Cullen]

I sat at my desk in the dark. Recently I’ve noticed that the light makes my eyes hurt, everything seems brighter and it’s very uncomfortable.

I lean on a closed fist, my elbow being supported by the desk. While stare at it, I steadily tap my fingers on the hardwood, the slow rhythm is oddly comforting. If I concentrate on the tapping my hands don’t shake. Not remembering the last time I blinked, I continue to stare at the wooden box, and I hate it.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

If I don’t close my eyes, the abominations don’t enter my mind. Still can’t help but think about it, remembering every single moment of my bunkmate being flayed in front of me, pieces of his skin slowly being peeled off, he screams and I unable do anything. Can’t close my eyes, it’s just too real.

The physical pain I have is excruciating, when I try to walk, I feel stabbing pains with each step, daggers going up through my feet, tearing everything in its path up to my knees.

Holding tightly to the edge of the desk, if endure a shake that rips through my muscles. It feels as if they are being pulled right off the bone. The pain doesn’t have words, but I’ve seen the process and I can only imagine that this would match her screams.

So helpless.

It calls to me, and I want it so much. I should take it, I gave my all to the Chantry I should give as much to the Inquisition.

“No!” I yell out and throw the lyrium case across the room.

A vile glowing the most alluring blue I’ve ever seen rolls across the floor, my eyes don’t move away from it.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The slow rhythm is oddly comforting.

[Trevelyn]

We finally make it to the Fallow Mire and set up a makeshift camp in this dank, dark, and generally unwelcoming place. Setting a fire is useless in this endless rainstorm, we’re all drenched and miserable, and generally sick of looking at each other for the day.

Going into my soaked tent, I just hope that some of the water stays out during the night. I peel off my drenched gear and change into something dry, or at least dryer than what I had on. Cullen’s note falls to the floor, and I can’t believe that I had forgotten about it! My heart races, as much as it does each time I see him.

Picking it up from the floor, the first thing I notice is the parchment is soaked through. I breathe faster, each breath wavering, as the pain of missing him comes rolling back. Breaking the wax seal and unfolding the letter, my heart sinks as I see that the note is completely illegible. I stare at it, hoping to recognise something, anything! All I can make out is four washed out words and his initials at the bottom.

I yell out cursing the maker while throwing the note across my tent. I just wanted one moment, one piece of him, and the rain washed it all away.

“As someone who represents Andraste, maybe cursing the maker out loud isn’t the best thing to do,” Varric said from the other side of my tent. “Mind if I come out of this rain?”

Opening the flap for him I see an extremely soaked version of Varric step into my tent, he flicks his arms in an attempt to disperse some of the water off.

"Andraste's holy knickers! It's wet out there!" His comment makes me smile as I offer him a seat on a makeshift chair and find a spot for myself on my rollaway bed. Letting out a long sigh I look at him, exhausted, and trying my best to hide my sadness.

"Rough day?" He asks while ringing out portions of his clothes.

I sigh and nod my head, "Very rough, and I didn't even get to kill anything!" I joked trying to elevate the mood.

Varric chuckles and reassures me that tomorrow will be filled with monster slaughter. He even suggests we make a game out of it, who can hit the most baddies with one arrow. I laugh and take on his challenge. Relaxing a bit, I look around my tent, enjoying the brief moment of not feeling completely horrible.

"Varric," I say, finally breaking the silence "do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Well technically... That was a question" he joked, I gave him an unamused look "but go right ahead."

"Does it ever get better?" I knew the answer, I just wanted some insight.

"It depends on what 'it' you're referring to. If you mean the rain outside? No, I don't see that ending." He smiled, knowing it was not the answer I was looking for, "if you mean love? No. It will probably get worse, to be honest. But if you mean the Inquisition, yes. You make the world better every day. I really think you can fix blondie's mess. Just don't give up yet."

"Can I get a day off at least?" I childishly whine.

"People who save the world don't get days off." He paused for a moment and smirked "Actually, to think about it, people who are trying to destroy the world probably don't get days off either."

"If you even think about destroying the world Varric Tethras, I swear to the Maker above that I’ll put Bianca on a very high shelf and burn every ladder in existence, personally" I glared at the dwarf.

"Is that supposed to be a short joke?" He matched my glare, but couldn’t hide a grin.

"Never!" I teased and acted offended.

"I don't make fun of how all you people look alike, do I?" He stated his opinion of humans. Our conversation stayed on the side of mockingly fun for the duration of his visit. It was nice to feel normal, even for a few minutes.

\------

[Cullen]

Its four days past when Eve and her party were due to arrive back at Skywall. Leliana said that I was bad enough with the questions about what was going on in the Fallow Mire before they were late, but I became more nervous and prying with each passing day.

Morning drills were just finishing up and I left a senior member of my army to complete the training. Finding that the lyrium withdrawal was taking its toll on me and I was exhausted. I retired to my office, knowing that I had at least an hour of privacy and decided that this was a good opportunity to work on my ever growing pile of paperwork.

Trying my hardest to not fall asleep while reading a very long and painfully boring Orlesian border patrol and guard regulations document I felt a soft touch on my shoulder. I froze completely still for a moment trying to figure out if I was going mad or if the hand was actually hers.

“So are you going to turn around, or do I have to climb onto your des-“

I leaped out of my chair so fast and held her so tight at the sound of her voice; she didn’t even have time to finish her train of thought before I had her in my arms. “Thank the Maker you’re home” I whispered, kissed the top of her head and continued to hold her. Eve raised her head and smiled at me, placing her hand on my cheek. I grabbed her hand and feverishly kissed the palm, then moved up her wrist, and went up as high as her armour would allow me to touch her skin.

“I rode ahead of the group; they will be home tomorrow afternoon.” She smiled. “That means I almost have a whole day free for just me and you” she kisses my nose lightly “nobody knows I am here.”

Cupping her face in my hands, I just looked into her eyes, so beautiful, so sparkling, so happy. My heart thumped as I realized that she was just as excited to see me.

I leaned in so close to her that I could feel her heavy breathing, our lips barely grazing each other as I wanted to commit this moment to memory and never forget it. Eve shook, waiting in anticipation, our breathing matching, lips tingling from the light tough. I couldn’t resist anymore and planted a kiss on her lips. I missed her taste, her smell, her warmth and touch. I missed everything about this woman and now that she was back, my soul was complete again.

Evelin pushed her lips hard against mine and inhaled deeply. Her arms wrapped around my neck and pulled me close. “I missed you” she whispered against my mouth.

My hands moved down her body, feeling every inch of her, never forgetting any curve of her perfect form. One hand stopped on the small of her back and pulled her in close, I then pressed her against the wall. She bit my bottom lip and pulled it back, lightly dragging her teeth along the delicate skin, my body reacted to this as I started to get hard.

Pulling away from her, completely breathless, I couldn’t start this right now. “Anyone could walk in” I sighed, fighting my urges so, so much.

She looked up at me with pleading eyes, I felt a hand start to rub my semi hard cock. “I need you,” she whispered with a breathy voice into my ear and kissed my neck.

How could I say no? How could I resist? Bringing her head back to my face, I let out a growl and kissed her roughly. She moved her hand more aggressively against me, I was completely hard.

Eve dropped her pants and underclothes while released my hard cock from my own pants and sat in my chair. “We have to be fast,” I said as she sat on me and slowly guided herself down on my wanting cock. I kissed the back of her neck as she moved up and down, our breathing heavy and slow. Reaching around I squeezed her breast through her armour, annoyed that I couldn’t touch the skin.

She was tight again, the two weeks without me had made my cock too big for her again, but it felt so good and I moaned her name. Up and down she went bouncing on me, picking up the pace, tightness in my core started. “Oh keep going Eve” I breathe out, only moans come from her, I can feel her contracting. I put my hands on either side of her ass and help her move faster. Sweet Maker, this was perfect.

The door opened a fraction and we froze, time had stopped, our hearts started to race for an altogether different reason, caught in the act.

“Yes, it is unfortunate about the quality of your quarters Lady Larbasetier, I’ll see to it that you are moved as soon as a better room becomes available,” I hear Josephine on the other side, she had been stopped by an Oreslian Noble at the perfect time.

Eve dove off of me and hid under the desk. I looked at her in a panic and mouthed the words “what are you doing?” my eyes were huge with panic.

She whispered the words “It will be fine” and waved me away. I pulled in my chair and tried my best to hide my still very hard and throbbing nether regions, she giggled.

Josephine entered and started talking about something that I didn’t hear at all. My face was clammy and I was still breathless, she paused, tilted her head and asked if I was okay. I reassured her that I was a little under the weather and to just ignore it, then tried to hold back a gasp as Eve started to stroke my cock, still completely soaked with her juices.

I tried to move away, but she continued to do amazing work under the table. I tried so hard to keep my composure, but Josephine noticed something obviously wrong and said she would return at another time, and then left in a rush.

Scouts entered and bothered me with useless things, I yelled and tried to send them away, but the work wouldn’t stop and neither would Eve. I was so hard and throbbing under the desk, my annoyance is growing with each person walking in my door.

After much too long of a wait, dinner was finally called in the main hall, we might have a chance to finish this but it had to be fast. I was so hard and so ready by now, plus, I needed to teach this bad student a lesson.

I stood up and she was grinning from ear to ear under there, pulling her out, I press a hard kiss on her and tell her she’s been a naughty girl. I roughly, almost too roughly shove her against the front door, her face pressed hard against the wood. I push into Eve hard from behind, she’s been bad and needs her lesson.

Eve gasps out and says my name.

No starting slow this time, I fuck her hard, in and out, rough and quick, we didn’t have the time to be slow and romantic right now. We just needed to fuck. “Oh, Eve” I moan her name, her heat so amazing against my throbbing cock. In and out, hard and fast. The door thumps with us as I continue to go.

“Cullen stop” she whines.

“Your punishment isn’t done yet” I growl and continue to thrust hard.

Someone tries to open the door and I push it hard shut, “I am busy” I yell and continue to push into my love.

I feel her start to quiver, she says my name, I go faster each one of her quivers brings me closer, she tightens around my cock and moans. I am so close, almost done, in and out harder and faster. She could use another pounding, she’s still pretty tight.

“Cullen I can’t handle this anymore,” she says breathlessly.

I ignore her and erupt inside, then slow down. Completely breathless, I pull out and kiss the back of her neck.

She turns around but doesn’t look at me. I kiss her on the forehead then hand her the clothing lying on the floor. You should wait in the loft, Ill only be a few more hours. She nodded her head and climbed up the ladder.

Fixing myself up I continue my work, completely satisfied and extremely happy that the love of my life had returned to me.

\----

I had finished early for the day, hoping to sneak away and steal as much time as I could with Eve before her and the party had 'officially' arrived tomorrow afternoon. I still wonder how Varric and Dorian convinced Cassandra that this was a good idea, letting inquisitor leave the Fallow Mire alone. It's not like Eve isn’t able to defend herself, but she was a target for many, which poses a huge risk.

Climbing up to my loft, I found Eve asleep on my bed. Maker’s breath, she was perfect, and I am a lucky man. I crawl into bed and move in close to her, taking in the familiar scent that I missed so much. I kiss her head and place a hand on her hip, she jumps, not a normal reaction. Eve stirs awake and I feel tension almost immediately.

My heart begins to speed up, terrified, there is something wrong.

Eve sits up and moves to the corner of the bed, out of my reach. I feel the sinking feeling that welled up in my chest when she left two weeks ago returning. Her hair was dishevelled, the mess of white blond hair fell forward and covered her face and she hid behind it as if it was a protective barrier. The expression she had was nothing I had ever seen before, she wasn't angry or sad like she was when she left, it was different and it terrified me.

"You scared me earlier today," she said, still hiding behind her hair, not even looking at me.

My heart sank, all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her it's going to be alright, that she never had to be scared of me. "Eve I -" I began before she interrupted me.

"Don't even say you're sorry" She snapped and got up "you took away all of my power and control over everything." I put my face in my hands, utterly frustrated with myself. “You…” she took a deep shuddering breath, “Do you know how much you hurt me?”

Hearing those words coming from Eve.. MY Evelin was like having a brick wall land on my chest. I got up, wanting absolutely nothing but just to hold her, I just want to fix the pain. Taking a step towards her, Eve, gasps out a “NO!” raising an open hand in my direction, as if to say stop. Her hand was trembling, and as much as she tried it wouldn’t stop, and it was all because of me.

She took the trembling hand back and put it on her chest. “I was in the hands of death, Corypheus hung me in the air by my wrist!” Her voice was still shaky as she yelled at me. I stood there and just listened, frozen in place and unable to do anything but hate myself more and more with every word that came out of her mouth. “The archdemon was so close to me that I could feel it’s breath,” she looked away. “I was prepared to die, and had not one ounce of fear in my body. But what happened today shook me to the core and now I feel broken.” She turned her gaze back to me and glared when she said those last four words.

I stood there, breathing heavily and not dropping my eyes from her glare. I deserved it, I hated myself, I wanted to hit something, throw something, yell scream and jump off the tallest tower in Skyhold. I wanted everything to just end. If I wasn’t broken before, I was shattered now. The physical and mental anguish that I dealt with on a daily basis only fed fuel to this fire of self-hate and rage.

We each stood completely still, staring at each other from opposite corners of my bedchamber.

“What can I do to fix this?” I begged her for any sort of insight.

Eve’s expression slightly softened, her breathing starting to regulate. It was reassuring. “I don’t know,” her voice was still shaky.

“Is there anything in all of Thedas that I can do to ease your pain?” I meant it; I would go to all four corners of the world for her.

Sadness replaces her anger; Eve drops her stare and looks to the side. “I don’t know,”

“Do you want me to leave? I can go to the ba-“

“No” she interrupts. Hope and confusion are added to the flurry of feelings surging through me, what do I do?

“Did I break this?” I closed my eyes, my heart thumping, not wanting to ever utter these words, “did I break us?”

Eve wouldn’t look at me, but I could see her eyes welling up with water. She furrowed her brow and tried to fight the tears with no avail. Despite her efforts, the tears start to roll down her cheek. Her chin quivered as she took a deep breath. “No” squeaked from her mouth. Eve was past the breaking point of holding the sadness back.

I stepped forward, almost giving into the urge to run to her and hold her until the pain went away. It was so hard to freeze in my tracks, I shook fighting the urge. “Eve? I – Can I?”

Gasping between sobs, she nods her head, I ran over to her so fast I don’t even know if my feet hit the ground and caught her as she fell into me, sobbing. I held her so tightly and continuously whispered “I am sorry, I am so sorry.”

Eventually, Eve calmed down and hugged me back. I was so relieved so have her in my arms again. But I was still scared that this would be the last time.


	8. Warmth

[Trevelyn]

I hated myself; I hated this broken, sad little girl that I had suddenly become. It was my fault after all. I was the one who teased him from under his desk while he was trying to do official Inquisition work. When Cullen and I first started having sex, I made him promise to be unrelenting and punish me, it’s not his fault if he was just playing the role I told him to. It’s my fault, he is perfect in every way and I yell at him for hurting me when I started everything.

If I accept the blame for this, then why do I feel so, hurt?

Cullen held me close as I cried against his chest, I had already soaked his shirt from all of my tears, yet they still come rolling out. What’s wrong with me?

My breathing is shaky, as I gasp for air between another round of sobs after the realization that it was all my fault. I can hear his heart pounding away in his chest, a sound that used to comfort me, now I am just empty. He strokes my head and tries to calm me down with shushing sounds and apologies. I want to feel love, I want to feel my heart welling up with the flutter of feelings I used to get when our eyes first met after a long time apart. I want those feelings so much, but all I have is a hollow hole in my chest and the pain he left behind between my legs.

He easily picks me up into his arms and places me back onto his bed. I lay on my side and curl up tight, just holding myself, trying so hard to settle my breathing again. Cullen touches my arm, which causes my body to betray me and I flinch to his touch. He sighs and begins to stand up, but, I need him, so I quickly reach back and grab his arm, I need his heat, his scent, his heart near me. Pulling Cullen over to me, I bring his arm around and he moves in as close as he can, holding on tight.

Closing my eyes tight, I force myself to inhale slow and deeply, taking in Cullen’s familiar scent. Feeling his breath on the back of my neck sends a shiver down my spine, as I remember the sound and sensation from earlier, I begin to feel unsettled. Trying to keep my breathing slow I turn around and rest my head against his chest. This warmth is comforting. My heart thumps when he plants a soft and warm kiss on my forehead, it was a relief to know that somewhere beyond the emptiness and fear, some part of me still reacted that way to him.

How do you love someone who has made you feel so empty and scared inside?

Twisting my legs with his, just wanting more of Cullen’s heat, he starts to stroke my hair and push it out of my face. I still can’t look into his eyes.

“You mean more than the world to me Evelin,” Cullen softly whispered while softly kissing my head. I don’t reply with words, but rather move in as close as I can, just to take in more of his warmth. Darkness had fallen over Skyhold by now and the stone walls of his loft above the battlements made the room cold. At this point, I wasn’t sure if I wanted his heat just to warm up, or for comfort.

We laid there, no words being said, no eye contact and moving very little until his breathing became the familiar slow and steady breaths that took over while he slept. The breathing haunted me, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t find the comfort or safety I needed to fall asleep.

Slowly I moved out of his arms, the cold air making my body tingle with chills at the sudden temperature change. Guiding myself through the darkness of Cullen’s loft, I find the ladder and escape to my room, being a Rouge did give me some advantages when it came to hiding oneself in the shadows.

When I got to my room it was much colder than his, the darkness in here made it feel almost ominous and I felt like I didn’t belong in here alone. I missed Cullen, but I was angry, I wanted his touch, but it made me flinch. Can you feel in love and danger with the same person at the same time?

There was a war going on in my body. My head said it was my fault, I teased him into the sexual rage, my body was scared, hurt and empty while my heart wanted nothing more than to feel his warmth again.

After lighting a fire, I pulled up a chair, grabbed a quilt off my bed and curled up. At least I had the warmth of the flames and the safety of a locked door.

\----------

“Inquisitor?” Leliana’s familiar voice came to my ears as she gently shook me awake. “Inquisitor, what are you doing here? We – I didn’t know you were going to arrive so soon” I groggily opened my eyes, my neck and body stiff from sleeping in my chair in front of the fire “Where are the others? What is going on?”

The realization just rushed over me as my eyes grew wide and I remembered that I had snuck in to see Cullen and was supposed to hide until the afternoon. I was caught.

“I – I – We” I shuddered, trying to figure out something, anything to tell her. Do I lie? How much of the truth do I tell? “I rode back early” I declared, which wasn’t a lie “after being away those extra days, I felt that I would have plenty of things to catch up on and didn’t want to delay that anymore,” that was somewhat true, depending on how the context was taken.

Leliana walked away from the fireplace, her arms crossed, “Oh. Well if that were true I’d expect to find you with the Commander,” she turned around and looked right into my eyes, her own narrowing, “You’re not telling me something, I don’t like this at all.” After that, she headed for the stairs down to the door and informed me that I was to attend a war council meeting immediately.

The last thing I wanted was to be in a room with Cullen and Leliana.

\-----

“Ah, Commander I see that you aren’t as… clammy as before. I take that as you’re feeling better?” Josephine asked as Cullen joined her, Leliana and me in the war room.

Leliana’s eyes were studying each and every move and expression we made. I still couldn’t look into his eyes, knowing that I would see a change in him, one that I caused. I however, did manage to force out a meek smile.

“Commander, aren’t you happy to see Lady Trevelyn? After the scene when she left and the constant berating me –“

“I did not berate you” Cullen interrupted; using his ‘I am the commander’ voice that I used to think was attractive. Now it’s nothing, just like everything else I feel about this whole situation. Leliana, Cullen, all of my feelings.

“Regardless of what word you want to call it” Leliana retorted, “the way you two are acting is not normal”.

“You are right Leliana, they would definitely be all over each other under normal circumstances” Josephine smiled, as she clued in on what Leliana was getting to, “Especially after that spectacle on the bridge, you wouldn’t believe how many Orlesian playwrights have contacted me asking for exclusive rights.” I rolled my eyes and heard a chuckle from Cullen standing behind me, just far enough away for my comfort.

“Josie, stay on topic will you?” Leliana whispered in a light voice to her old friend. Josephine nodded her head at Leliana then turned to us with a stern expression.

“I can’t lie to you Leliana,” I said, finally breaking my silence that Cullen and I had endured since my breakdown last night. “I did see Cullen last night, and I – and we” I began to stutter, not knowing what in the Maker’s name to say next.

“We had a long conversation,” I was relieved when Cullen interrupted me, I looked down, in his direction, as if I was acknowledging him, “and decided that we needed to act on a more professional level while in the presence of others. For the good of the Inquisition”.

Leliana’s scrutinizing eyes went back and forth from mine to Cullen, she was trying to read us and see if there was any truth in the lie she had just heard. I nodded my head at her and allowed some of my pain to come back, I don’t think I could just have a professional relationship with Cullen, I’d miss the closeness too much.

Deciding that she was somewhat happy with our statement, Leliana nodded her head and walked out of the room, Josephine and myself soon to follow.

“Inquisitor” I heard his voice and froze. It hurt for him to call me that, I bit my lip and closed my eyes, trying my hardest to not feel anything. No sadness, no anger, no fear. Keep numb. “Eve can I talk to you please,” he begged. Cullen’s voice shook and my heart pounded as I reflected his pain.

I shut the door and turned around, still not able to look at his face; I chose to look at the war table and tried so hard to keep a neutral expression on my own face. There was nothing I could do about my pounding heart, however.

“Yes, Commander?” I said flatly.

“Eve,” Cullen breathed, he sounded so defeated and tired. I gave in and looked up to him, my heart filled my chest, my breathing became fast, but my head told me to feel sad. I was so confused. “Do you want what we just told Leliana?” He looked like he was in agony and it was my fault he hurt. I started to feel the pain I had last night, the eruption of sadness that came over me before I burst into tears and fell into his arms.

“I told you last night, no” I squeaked out and tried so hard not to cry again.

“Then tell me what you want” Cullen ran his fingers through his hair, clearly frustrated. “I can’t live in this silence and have you being there when I go to sleep and then not when I wake up”.

I wanted to calm him down, I wanted just to touch him and comfort him and tell him that it was going to be okay, but I didn’t even know if that was true yet.

“I need time to know how I feel Cullen,” I told him, breathing heavily, slowly walking towards him. I started to stammer as I got closer, “I – I don’t know if I am mad or sad or scared or anything right now.” Cullen tried to look away, but I took my shaking hand and placed it on his cheek, making him look at me. He was in so much pain; it was obvious that he didn’t sleep much after I left last night, that made me feel even worse. I looked into his eyes, my own filled with water, my hand feeling every feature on the side of his face, “The only thing that I know for sure,” I took a deep shuddering breath, as his hand mirrored my own and flinched at his touch, “is that my body and my soul needs you.”

He kissed me not even seconds after I said those words, my heart taking over and reacting like it wanted to, pulling him in and kissing him back. My body tensed up and I couldn’t handle all of this, these conflicting emotions were going to be the end of me. I placed a shaky hand on his chest and eased him off of me. I was so torn and hurting, but wanted him so much to hold me. I looked down and placed my forehead on his chest, not wanting to add his emotions to my already confused thoughts and feelings.

We were both breathless, my lips still tingling from his kiss. I didn’t know what to do or say, so I just stood there in silence with him.

“It’s good to know that my Eve is still in there somewhere,” Cullen said before kissing the top of my head and holding me tightly.


	9. Tiny Box

Eventually, Cullen breathed deeply, lets me go and walks out of the room. A shiver rolls down my body as it feels like all of the warmth in the room left with him.

Leaning in, I place my hands on the war table, looking at the map. Once again, two big events looming over the parchment. The difference between now and when I chose to save the mages over the Templars is that I have to participate in both of these events. It's was just a matter of time rather than making a choice.

Leliana had good reason to believe that there will be an assignation attempt on empress Celenie’s life during the ball at The Winter Palace in Halamshiral. Josephine had pulled enough strings to acquire the Inquisition an Invitation, so we just had to wait for the event to come up, as of right now, it was six weeks away.

In Ferelden, I was to meet up with the Champion of Kirkwall, who knew a Greywarden that could possibly give us more insight on his missing people. I had been to Crestwood before, and honestly it was one of the last places I wanted to be right now.

My first visit there was with Cullen, he took me to one of his favorite places and gave me something that meant the world to him, which in turn, made the location have such an important significance to me. I just wasn’t ready to be reminded of him and that special, happy moment. Being there, seeing the lake and hearing the water splash on the dock where my heart let even more of him in, would hurt more than just the pain I feel when thinking about that moment right now.

Letting out a deep sigh and trying so hard to stuff all of my pain and sadness into the little tiny box inside of my heart, just to not feel for only a minute. Staring at the Crestwood marker, I know that I will have to go there eventually and start to juggle all of my companions in my head. Trying to figure out who is available to go as soon as possible. I feel this urge that I just have to get away from Skyhold and focus on something else entirely. Something that isn't me, or anyone that could remind me of my pain. A smirk comes to my face as the thought of killing the dead things attacking the town of Crestwood should cure my heartbreak.                    

As I take Blackwall’s, Bull’s, Sera’s and my makers from Skyhold and place them on Crestwood, a scout walks into the war room.

“I am sorry to interrupt you Inquisitor, but the Commander wishes me to tell you that he is waiting for your meeting with him to begin”.

I bite my lip and close my eyes, trying to not be mad at the scout; it’s not his fault for Cullen’s impatience. Is it actually impossible for me to have a moment to think without him interrupting it? Still leaning over the war table, my eyes shift over to the scout, it was clear that he could sense my annoyance; he stood at the door practically shaking in his boots.

“Tell the Commander to un-bunch his knickers and pull them out of his ass. I need a few minutes”. The scouts eyes grow big and I can see his breathing speed up. Looking away from the scout, I cover my face with my hands, take a deep breath and attempt to cover my annoyance. “I am sorry, don’t tell him that,” I point to the markers at Crestwood, “find them and say that we're leaving for Crestwood the moment I am done with the Commander. Ten minutes tops.”

I leave the war room and slam the door so hard that people would think Cassandra was back in Skyhold.

I stand in front of the door that not too long ago I was pressed against and forced to go through something that I didn’t entirely agree too, and certainly not in the way it was delivered. My heart began to beat faster as I recalled how I had never felt so used as I did that very moment.

I place a hand on the door and pause to take a deep breath before reminding myself that I had shoved every painful feeling and confusing thought into a tiny insignificant box. I was the Inquisitor first and foremost, I need to learn how to put personal feelings aside.

Cullen’s office was darker than normal, less than half of the candles that he typically had lit were burning. The welcoming feeling that I had felt before when visiting wasn’t here now. I sensed a tension in the air, and when I looked over to Cullen he did not look well. This worried me a lot, I may have to work through some confusing feelings, but I still do care for him. I still love him or I am pretty sure I do.

Our eyes lock and my heart gives a sweltering thump that fills my chest. Keeping everything boxed up was just too difficult when he looked so deeply into me.

“You asked for me Commander.” I broke the silence and let the door swing shut behind me.

“Yes, thank you for coming here at my request Lady Inquisitor.” Cullen was acting oddly official for having nobody else around. I don’t remember him acting this rigid when it was just the two of us since back in the early days of Haven. But unlike now, back then he had tells that showed at least some of his feelings.

“Rather impatiently I must add,” I wasn’t amused by his demand and he needed to be aware.

Cullen relaxed a little but was obliviously still stressed. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, “This is important Eve, and it could be a turning point for the Inquisition, so that’s the reason for my formality.” I nod my head and wait for him to continue. “As leader of the Inquisition, you..” he sighs and looks away for a moment “There’s something I must tell you.”

“You can tell me anything, you know this.” My heart was pulling at me, it wanted me to walk up to him and just touch him, offer comfort and be there for him like I always would.

“As you know all too well, Lyrium grants Templars our abilities, but it controls us as well. Those cut off suffer- some go mad, others die. We have secured a reliable source of lyrium, but I.. no longer take it.

“You stopped?” This surprised me, I’ve heard of the horrible things that lyrium can do to Templars who stop taking it. What’s going to happen to him? Why didn’t I see it before? He’s looked so awful and never sleeps, when he actually gets sleep there is no quality to it as he’s constantly in a state of a subconscious terror. Cullen looks away from me as I can’t keep my fear for him off my face.

“When I joined the Inquisition, it’s been months now.”

This is too much information to take right now, Cullen has been suffering for the entire duration that I have known him. How Could I not know? How could I not see anything wrong with him? “You never told me anything was wrong.” For his sake, I try so hard not to show my pain on my face or in my voice.

“Why would I? I chose this. After what happened in Kirkwall, I couldn’t, I will not be bound to the order-or that life- any longer. Whatever the suffering, I accept it.” He looks directly into my eyes, and he knew exactly what I was thinking “But I would not put the inquisition at risk.” Cullen paused, his eyes still on me and I knew that he meant more than just the Inquisition. “I've asked Cassandra to… watch me. If my ability to lead is compromised, I will be relieved from duty.”

“Are you in pain?” I try so hard to hold back any unsteadiness in my voice.

“I can endure it.”

A scout walks in from the side with a message for Cullen. The lock we have on each other’s eyes breaks and I wake up from the spinning sad and painful world I was just falling into and come back to being professional.

“Thank you for telling me, I respect what you’re doing.” Not the words that I wanted to say, but the ones I had to force out.

“Thank you, Inquisitor. The inquisitions army must always take priority, should anything happen... I will differ to Cassandra’s judgment.”

It really hurt to not have Cullen in confide in me as he had with Cassandra. I don’t understand how he could be so attached to me and hold back such a big secret which came with so much pain. A secret that I may not be able to personally relate to, but I grew up around the Templars, I have family in the order, I was even going to be one. This could have been my reality, and he won’t let me in.

You think you know somebody until a page in their book is turned and this whole new side is created.

Just as I was about to walk out of the side door of his office, I turn around and see Cullen being swarmed by scouts and soldiers needing him for one thing or another.

“Commander,” I say, only wanting to steal his attention for just a few more seconds. He continued to sign a form but moved his eyes towards me. “I am heading off to Crestwood momentarily, just thought I would let the Commander know.” Looking away, I head out onto the battlements.

[Cullen]

Eve is leaving right now? Her party from the Fallow Mire is due to return within the next few hours and she isn’t even waiting for them to get back.

“Move!” I shout while pushing the recruits in my path to the side and catch up to her just on the other side of the door. “Eve, wait a minute.” Reaching out, I touch her elbow and just hope she doesn’t flinch. She turns her body to face me but continues to look away. “Why are you leaving so soon?” I was trying not to worry, but my heart was starting to race, I didn’t want to see her go when she just got home.

“Yeah, I-I have to get to the Champion of Kirkwall, he’s been waiting there for too long” She had started to stutter, and I knew something wasn’t true. Yes, the Champion was there and waiting, but that wasn’t the reason she was leaving. There was a sinking feeling in my gut that I was the reason she was going, Eve wanted to get away from me and that was heartbreaking.

Softly placing a hand on her cheek, I turn her head and lock eyes with her. The expression she had was on the verge of sadness, after this past day, I knew it all too well. My heart sank as I wished that time could freeze and I could listen to everything she needed to tell me and be there for her in every way I could. I wish there were enough hours in the day to fix all of her problems and still to work with the Inquisition.

“Come back to me.” I say to her like I did before, my voice as shaky as it was the last time we said goodbye, but if anything, I love her even more.

Eve closes her eyes, puts a hand on my armoured chest and tries to regulate her breathing. I don’t have the words to explain how much I want to be able to feel her hand, to have my heart pounding right next to her touch.

“I’ll miss your warmth,” Eve said before pulling me into her and kissing my lips. It stunned me at first and I wasn’t sure if it was to keep me from saying more or if she was actually trying to say goodbye. I allowed her to have full control. It was a long closed mouth kiss with a lot of pressure, she held me tight and breathed deeply. It made me feel good to know she could still touch me like this.

Once Eve broke away, she walked away. Not looking back, nothing, just away.


	10. Priorities

“Three,” I said as my eyes lined up the targets, my mind calculating the flight path while I knock the arrow.

“You think she will get three from here?” Bull whispers to Sera from behind, both of their eyes judging every one of my moves.

Between the big stones, one target, just past the bridge, two targets, the third, on the other side of the glowing cave moss, just giving off enough glow to push my eyesight that much further. Wait for the perfect moment. I pull the bow string back past my ear and hold steady, lifting the arrow to match my predetermined flight path.

Almost there …now. I release the string and feel the rush of air brushing past my cheek. Holding my pose, I wait for the arrow to hit a hard surface, all we hear are echoes of death coming from down the cave.

“Did she do it?!” Sera burst into a full run past me deep into the cave for further inspection. Bull and I stand and wait for her announcement, but all we hear is her laughter.

Upon her return back to the entrance of the cave north of Old Crestwood, we see a red-faced Sera still laughing.

“Well, what’s the verdict?” I asked, eagerly wanting to know the accuracy of my shot.

“Oh, you hit all three!” Sera got out between giggles “but you caught the arm of a fourth!” she laughs “’e’s down there right now pinned to a pole wrigglin' away!”

“You have to be shitting me!” Bull bursts out. “That shot was impossible, even for Ben-Hassrath,” He pats me hard on my back, to which I cough, trying to catch my breath “Good one Boss!”

“I am shitting you? No way! Go check it out for yourself Big Guy! Better yet! Come-on Inky!” Sera grabs my arm and quickly yanks me towards the cave. I look back to Bull and Blackwall looking to be saved from being pulled through a dark cave with a possibly insane elf.

“I would much rather kill the lurking demon at the end of the cave than stand around counting kills” Blackwall comments before following the rest of us.

We did as Blackwall wanted and cleared the cave. Nightfall soon came upon us and we went back to base camp. Since clearing out Old Crestwood, the dead should stop rising, thus the town should be safe for now.

I sat on a makeshift seat beside Bull near the fire; he was drinking something horribly foul and had offered me a sip more than once. I politely declined, still not having a taste for any alcohol.

Sera was off to the side practicing her archery, she seemed either impressed or inspired by my skill with a bow and arrow and was trying different shots against a nearby tree.

“Eh, Ikny! Look at this!” I looked in her direction only to see her toss two apples in the air and pierce both of them with one arrow before making the familiar thud into the tree. She looked back at me with such pride. I couldn’t help but smile.

“She likes you, you know,” Bull said in a hushed tone only for my ears.

I was surprised to hear it, not expecting that to come out of his mouth at all. The shocked look on my face must have given me away as he chuckled before taking another sip.

“How would you know something like that?” I turn my eyes to the fire, watching the orange and yellow embers dance across the charred logs.

“Get anyone drunk enough and they will tell you anything you want.” He took another sip of his horrible drink and then wiped his mouth with his arm. “She said something about someone telling her that you bumped uglies with some Orlesian noble chick when you were younger. I guess that was enough for her to think that you might want to do it again someday.”

Hearing my story coming out of someone else’s mouth as a rumor made me freeze in place. Beyond what I’ve told Cullen, I haven’t said anything to anyone about that night. Even the information he has isn’t as detailed as that.

I hope that I can play this off, but Bull was raised specifically to see through lies, so this will most likely get worse.

“Bumping uglies? Is that the official term from the Quanari?” I try play as if the statement didn’t even phase me.

“Ha!” another sip, “Nah, that’s just one of my many phrases when referring to the fun stuff. So is it true?”

I get a lump in my throat when he asks me the question I knew he had on the tip of his tongue. I never expected this to come up. It was something I did a long time ago and didn’t want it to define me as a person, a leader… a lover today.

“How much would it matter either way?” I ask still staring at the dancing heat of the fire.

“To me? Not at all, I am an equal opportunist when it comes to doing the deed, so I don’t give a damn. But to Sera, it’s a deal breaker if not true. You can’t really sample someone’s muffin if they don’t like it being tasted by someone who also has muffins, to put it kindly. And then there’s that whole Herald of Andraste bullshit, I don’t know how your followers would take to a scandal like that.”

“Do you know who told her the rumor?”

Sydney would be the only person in the all of Thedas who would have that much knowledge, and since I haven’t seen nor heard from her since that night, maker knows where she is right now.

“Nah, someone in her network I assume.” Bull casually said before finishing his drink and tossing the mug into the fire.

There isn’t a way to identify how many people know about this. Yes, some of the facts were incorrect, but, they were close enough to the truth that it could be detrimental. It really all depends on everyone else’s opinion on the matter. As usual, everyone gets to have an opinion of me, and it matters more than what I actually think of myself.

All l can do now is see what Leliana can do about controlling the rumor.

\----------------

At this point in time, the four of us have been in Crestwood for a week. We are helping to re-establish the broken town and help the people in the surrounding areas. Much like it was in the Hinterlands so long ago, people are flocking to us asking for help and looking for ways to aid our cause. It felt really good to get back down in the world and really see the change that we are making.

“What in the Maker’s name are you doing here?” Hearing her voice makes me feel like a child in trouble, as I turn around, I see a very angry Cassandra standing in the middle of New Crestwood.

“We’re cleaning up someone else’s mess, yeah?” Sera snapped at Cassandra shooting her an ‘angry face’ that would give the Seeker’s glare a run for its money.

“A mess that can be easily cleaned up by someone else!” Cassandra shouts a reply to Sera but doesn’t drop her stare at me. Her intimidation isn’t going to work, not this time. “You, Inquisitor, have much more important duties to attend to.” She walked up to me and lowered the volume of her voice, the angry tone, however, still remains. “Have you even met up with the Champion yet? You know his history of not staying anywhere for very long and yet, you choose to mess around and play with your friends?”

“Helping the little people isn’t playing!” Sera yelled in my defense, “Helping the little people makes your armies bigger!”

“Helping these people right now isn’t priority. We need to find the Greywardens and the Inquisitor is neglecting her responsibilities” Cassandra snapped.

I remained silent and tried to think of a way to justify my choices, but I couldn’t, Cassandra was correct. I was being negligent.

“Helping people should always be your priority! You big people think you can stomp around and yell at us, tellin’ us what to do and stuff, well if we just didn’t get help and weren’t there anymore, who would you boss around huh?” Sera got into the Seeker’s face.

I could see the anger growing on Cassandra’s face, she was about to explode at Sera, and it wasn’t going to be pretty. Looking over to bull, he knew exactly what I was about to ask and stepped in to remove Sera from the situation. It wasn’t easy, but eventually she agreed to leave.

“You” The Seeker sneered at me “either need to find Hawk or return to Skyhold. From there we can send troops to finish your work here.”

Cassandra is right, but she doesn’t get to tell me what to do, “No.” I say in a low growl, my heart was beginning to speed up while the adrenaline started to run through my veins.

“What?” Her rage still building from Sera’s prodding.

“Out of the two people in this conversation, I am the Inquisitor, you were one of the people who appointed me to this position. I run this Inquisition and it is not done by you barking orders at me” At the end of my rant, I was breathing heavy, my heart was racing and I was ready for whatever she was going to do to me.

“Yes I did support you for the role as Inquisitor,” Cassandra said while taking a step back from me and crossing her arms. “It was when you were making the tough choices and putting the world first. Now your heart and how much fun you have seems to be all that matters. If you choose to continue running the Inquisition this way, soon you will have nothing to be in charge of.” Cassandra walks away and hops onto her horse, “you have four weeks before we set travel for the Winter Palace, I highly suggest you use your time wisely”

I took Cassandra’s advice to heart and went to find Hawk soon after our conversation. He did as he promised and introduced us to a Greywarden named Stroud. With further investigations into what is going on with the Greywardens, we know that they are gathering in the Western Approach. Leliana has been busy with this information, and we have sent out scouts to get a foothold in the area.

\----

After being away from Skyhold for three weeks, it was very refreshing to almost be at home. I couldn’t wait to lay in my bed, and feel the soft sheets against my skin, have a hot bath and the best part of all, do all of that and more with Cullen. Cassandra can have her opinions of me like everyone else does, but she will never make me regret falling in love with my Commander.

We entered the gates, stable boys were there to give our horses a well-deserved rest, the party was greeted by various people asking questions, offering favors and helping us with our things. Apparently the talk of aiding Crestwood made it here before we did, along with many grateful new people for the Inquisition.

I walked into the war room and was surprised to see that all of my advisors were glad to see me, even Cassandra. She was happy with the progress that I had made with Hawk and Stroud and we will continue with them once we return from Halamsharal.

Cullen watched me with a soft expression on his face, it made my heart skip a beat while I tried to keep my smile from going too big. The time away from him and just setting my focus on others gave me perspective. Knowing about his suffering also gave me an understanding to his anger and frustration that I didn’t get before. The events of that night aren’t something that I have forgiven yet, but parts of me that were broken are in the process of healing. My heart misses his presence, my head wants to touch him and be close again, only my body remains confused, wanting but fearing.

We were discussing various missions and jobs at the war table when Cullen’s hand brushed against mine, the first contact made me flinch, which in turn caused Cullen to pull his hand away. I was surprised by the touch, but it did things to me. It made me miss him, it made my heart beat a little faster, it made the mind fog slowly roll in again. I missed this feeling, the feeling of exploring the beginning of love. This wasn’t the beginning of love per say, but it was a chance to restart with a fresh view on what we can have together.

At my first opportunity, I move my hand over to his leaning on the table and hold it briefly, meeting his eyes before Leliana turned from Josephine and saw anything-we hope. The rest of the war council meeting was filled with side glances, smiles, and quiet laughter. I had stopped paying attention too early in the talks to be any use as my Cullen induced mind fog returned. Eventually, Leliana couldn’t ignore the flirting and called the meeting to an end, stating that it was clear I was tired and needed rest.

As everyone began to file out of the war room, Cullen and I were the last to leave; without a word he put a hand on my back and moved it in a slow circle, then, he gradually began tracing his hand all the way down to the small of my back, where it remained as we walked out the door. His touch was like a burst of electricity tingling down my spine, waking up every single nerve along the way.

I walked to my door in hopes that he would follow, but sadly he was caught up with Cassandra in a heated discussion by the throne. A lump grew in my stomach as I was very worried that it was about his lyrium withdrawal and wondered how much pain he was actually in. It hurt me that I couldn’t do more for him in that sense. I knew that having me watch this conversation would make him uncomfortable, so I open my door and began to ascend up the stairs of my bedchambers.

At the top of the stairs, started to walk through my room and look around, it gave me a safe and happy feeling, it felt like home. The familiar smell of the mountain air coming through the balcony window, the amazingly soft bed that I longed for so much each night that I slept on a rollaway in Crestwood, and once I started it, the heat and crackle from the fireplace just made everything more perfect.

After changing out of my armor, I stepped out onto the balcony, took a deep breath and felt the crisp, cool mountain air fill my lungs; I looked out onto the frosty peaks, everything out there was so peaceful and untouched. It was refreshing to know that in spite of everything horrible going on Thedas, there were still areas like this that weren’t in ruins or touched by evil.

My door squeaked open, the sound of boots thumping up the stairs soon followed. My pulse quickened as I thought of who it was and how it was our first moment alone in three weeks. There was still some fear of this powerful man deep inside of me, but I loved him more than anything ever before and that would help me get past the fear, or I hoped it would.

I continued to look out to the Frostbacks, waiting for Cullen to approach me. My smile grew bigger as his steps towards me got louder. Then a warm hand lightly touched my arm, just above my elbow, he was trying so hard not to scare me, but it wouldn’t, he wouldn’t, I needed his touch right now. Another warm hand touched my back and sent goosebumps down my spine. The nervous anticipation of wanting more of his touch was making my heart thump even more.

Cullen moved my hair off to one side and kissed my neck. I bit my lip as his warm, soft lips met my skin and tilted my head to the side inviting him in for more. I heard a chuckle while he kissed my neck again, this time running his tongue moved along with his lips, then pausing to take in my scent.

Wrapping his arms around my waist, his kisses turned into nibbles and light pulling at my ear.

“Maker’s breath, I have missed you so much,” he whispered against the skin of my ear, his warm breath leaving a tingly feeling on every wet spot on my skin surrounding his mouth.

I was already in too much of a trance by his touch that I didn’t reply with words, “mmm-hmm” was the only thing I managed to get out while I closed my eyes and leaned into him.

Cullen chuckled then moved my head so he could kiss the other side of my neck. My breathing was slow and deep as I relaxed in his arms. His lips and tongue found my ear, and liked it before moving down and kissing my jaw, then kissing every inch of the side of my neck, each kiss making me melt a little more into him. I let out a breathy, quiet moan as the sensation seems to wake up nerve endings that I had forgotten existed.

As he continued to kiss my neck and stretch the neck of my shirt to access more skin, I reach back with one arm and run my fingers through his hair, continuing to breath heavily, being completely aroused by his touch. I missed him and wanted his warmth so much. The free hand still wrapped around my waist pulled me into him tight, and I could feel his bulge beginning to grow. It made the heat between my legs want him and that sent a shiver of fear through me. The fog that was encapsulating me into his love thinned out enough for me to wake up and remember the loss of control, the fear.

I froze; my breathing changed and began to feel this uncontrollable need to push him away. Cullen must have sensed the tension and loosened his grip on me and stopped everything other than holding me in a hug.

I was comfortable with that, it meant a lot that he was listening to me and I didn’t even say a word. Turning around in his hug, I wrap my arms around his neck and look up to him with a soft smile. The look on his face was hard to read, there was a softness in his eyes and he had a slight smile, but he also looked scared like I was going to punish him.

My heart sank at the thought. It was the last thing I wanted him to think of, especially right now.

“We need to have a discussion,” I said softly before planting a light kiss on his lips.

He barely pulled away from me to reply, our mouths were so close that they skimmed each other when he spoke. “I know, but not tonight, please.” He kissed me again, pulling my bottom lip with his mouth, “just not tonight, I need it to be just us,” another kiss, this time his tongue traced my top lip “just us, just like this.”

I pulled him in this time, my mouth pressing against his, I thought of how I missed this so much, the passion, the love, the wanting. His arms hugged me tighter, I was surrounded entirely by his warmth and it was perfect. I dragged my teeth lightly against his bottom lip and invited his tongue in. My heart sped up while my whole body warmed up to him. His hands moved all over my torso, feeling every inch, making me want skin to skin contact even more.

Pulling away for just a moment caused him to send out a low rumble in his throat. Placing his face between my hands, I look deeply into his eyes, they were fiery hot and I could see that he was entirely under my spell. I was trying to catch my breath as he reached in for a kiss, to which I backed up and giggled. “I need you to know that I might not be able to do … everything just yet.” I looked away embarrassed that I couldn’t give everything that I used to be able to. Even if in my mind I really wanted to give him everything and more.

Cullen let out a long breath and moved my head to his chest. His heart was pounding so fast, that I could feel it. I closed my eyes and just listened to the fast thump and his velvet voice, “I know and I will try very hard to make you feel safe with me-all of me- again. We only do what you’re comfortable with. Small steps to being back to how we were, is better than not trying at all.”


	11. Baby Steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated. :)

_Cullen let out a long breath and moved my head to his chest. His heart was pounding so fast, that I could feel it. I closed my eyes and just listened to the fast thump and his velvet voice, “I know and I will try very hard to make you feel safe with me-all of me- again. We only do what you’re comfortable with. Small steps to being back to how we were, is better than not trying at all.”_

 

“Small steps?” I say quietly against him.

“Mm-hmm” was his reply, with a kiss on the top of my head.

“Baby steps?” I start rubbing his chest with an open hand.

“Whatever you need my love” he hugs me tighter.

“Sexy steps?” I smile and look up to him, he met my gaze with his own smirk before kissing me again.

After his kiss, he took my hand and led me across my bedchambers to a small room where the brass bathtub that Josephine had oh so graciously requisitioned for me when we first moved to Skyhold. There were hot coals in a nearby furnace which was keeping buckets of water hot for me. I was delighted to see that someone had prepared this prior to my return and wasn’t surprised to find out it was Cullen.

“Oh, I am so honored to have such an important Commander draw me a hot bath” I playfully say to him as he starts to pour the water into the brass tub. “I hope I don’t have to bathe alone, it would get lonely offly fast in this large tub’.

Cullen chuckled and turned to me when he was done moving the water. “You are so adorable when you’re trying to flirt,” he said before moving my hair out of the way and kissing my neck again.

My brain went fuzzy as I let out a sigh, how is it possible that I just melt at the touch of his lips? His mouth moves down my neck, then collarbone. I arch my head back as he kisses the hollow in the middle. My breathing becoming deeper and my heart is beating stronger. His callused hands start to work the buttons on my shirt while he kisses each new inch of revealed skin down my front until he reaches just under my belly button, where my body betrays me and flinches to his touch.

Without a second thought, he comes back up to my face and kisses me before he takes off his own shirt. I watch as his toned body is revealed, his muscles rolling with each movement he makes, his body is so beautiful, that I can’t help but stare. It takes a moment for me to return and hear what he’s saying.

“Eve, are you going to join me or just watch?” he laughs while waiting for me to take off the clothes that my body wouldn’t let him touch. Going red in the face from the embarrassment, I wonder if I was always this awkward around him or was it just this ‘new beginning’ we are trying. The smile on Cullen’s face grew when he saw my rosy cheeks, he then kissed me slowly one more time before climbing into the tub.

He helped me in, as I nervously joined him in the water. It took a minute for me to get over my slight self-conscious moment, but once I had the hot water surround me and his arms holding me tight, I instantly melted in. I let out a relaxed moan and was on the brink of falling asleep in the soothing heat.

Then my neck felt his kisses again and I went to a different place of relaxation, one that had me alive with a fiery heat growing beneath, but soothed from the sensation of his lips.

More relaxed sighs left my mouth as he chuckled, and gently sucked on my ear.

“I think I found your magic spot,” he said quietly between kisses on my jaw.

“That’s just one of many that you have discovered” I breath out, not even thinking exactly of the words coming out of my mouth.

I could feel him smile against the sensitive skin on my neck, his stubble prickling me, making it even more tingly, “and might I ask where the other ones are located?” one of his hands started to feel one of my breasts, another sigh is released out of my mouth and he smiles again.

“I think you have a good idea where they are” I breathed, my eyes closed, focusing all of my concentration on the pleasure his lips and hands were giving me. Reaching one of my hands behind, I lightly touch the skin one the back of his neck and run my fingers through his hair. Cullen growls lowly as he bites my shoulder, each bite replaced with a kiss soon after.

Cullen takes a cloth and lightly washes my skin. He touched every inch of my body with it while I almost fell asleep in his arms and continued to let out sighs of utter relaxation.

One he was done, he kissed my neck again and started to move his hands to my breasts. I put my hands on top of his as he fondled them and squeezed them. By then, the heat between my legs was throbbing, I wanted his touch, but I was worried I would flinch. I wanted what he could give me, but worried about the fear. Giving in to my need I turn my head to the side and grab him to kiss me. I pull on him wanting more, his body reacts and he kisses me harder.

Pulling away and facing forward again, I take one of his hands in mine and guide it down my stomach.

“Eve, you – don’t have to”

“I need you to,” I breathe out,

Cullen hesitantly starts kissing my neck again and holding my breast with one hand, while I guide his other hand down to the amazingly sensitive area between my legs. Opening my legs to him, I hang one over the side of the tub and get move so he can reach better. I feel him getting hard behind me, and it makes me want him even more.

Keeping my hand on his arm close by, Cullen starts to massage my pussy under the water. The warmth of everything making the feeling even better. He then moves up and starts to massage the area just below my belly button, I bite my lip, wanting him to touch me more. He then moves slowly and starts to massage my legs moving up and down with both hands. I reach down to touch myself if he’s not going to.

“Not yet,” Cullen whispers in my ear and pulls my hand back. I growl in response.

He chuckles and starts to massage my inner thy, closer to where I want him to be, but my body is throbbing, wanting, needing.

“Please,” I breathe out. Cullen chuckles again and kisses my neck.

“Show me where you want me to touch you” he whispered between kisses.

I guide one hand to my front spot, it was so sensitive when his hands first touched it, I moaned and thought I was going to explode right now. He rubbed the outside of my pussy and then moved his fingers in a circular motion over my front spot. My body instinctively moves with him to get a better feel. He continued the circular motions on my front and I moaned this touch.

Not knowing what to do with my hands and hold his other arm that was wrapped around my waste. My nails clawing into the skin as the pleasure he was causing got better with each circle around my clit.

I moan out his name as the shivers start in my core. My breathing becomes faster while I sigh and bite my lip. I feel his rock hard cock against my back and want so much for him to slide it in and fuck me hard. Knowing that would probably end in disaster on my behalf, I just continue to enjoy this sensation.

Cullen bites into my shoulder as he rolls circles over my clit faster and faster. My body starts to twitch more and the mini explosions start to roll up my spine. Just as he is about to change it up and plunges a finger into my pussy I explode. Yelling his name, forgoing any care about getting heard.

He continues to rub my clit and pushes his fingers into me as my orgasm finishes off, with smaller twitches of pleaser and explosions.

I pull his hand away and kiss it, then put each finger into my mouth, sucking on each one and then slowly pulling it out before moving to the next finger.

“Maker’s breath Eve” Cullen watches me in intently as I suck on his fingers. “I don’t think there is an once of innocent Chantry girl left in you.”

I laugh before getting out of the now cold water; Cullen soon followed and pulled me into a hug while wrapping a bath sheet around me. He held me there in a comforting silence, my hair in a complete wet mess piled on top of my head, I lean into him and listen to his heartbeat, the silence was nice but all I could think about was the raging hard-on he had pressing against my leg. Pulling his head down to me for one final kiss before retiring to my bed.

When my head finally hit a pillow, I realized how utterly exhausted I was. The ride back from Crestwood was a long one and my bed was just so comfortable, it was hard to resist the urge to pass out then and there. Cullen slid into my bed next to me, laying on his back. I move in closer and rest on his chest, my head listening to his heartbeat and his slow controlled breathing. With the one arm he had wrapped around me, Cullen starts slightly tracing shapes on my back’s sensitive skin. I giggled as his touch tickled me and sent waves of energy through my body.

I moved up and kissed his neck, just the same way he had to me. Soft kiss, light suck, tease with my tongue, over and over again, tracing a path down to his collarbone.

“You’re not helping,” he said with a low voice, but not stopping me in any other way.

“Helping what?” I giggle out and slowly trace my tongue along his collarbone, his hand still tracing shapes on my back, the other on his stomach.

“I am trying to cool off after hearing you moan my name for the past half hour,” replied, his voice low and eyes closed, really enjoying what I was doing.

I move up his neck and pull on his earlobe with my lips “Cullen” I whisper into his ear.

“Don’t” he growled, his eyes still closed, his breathing still slow and deep.

“Cullen, do something for me?” I kiss his jaw, my breasts pressed against the side of his chest. He is utterly putty in my hands and I love it.

“Touch yourself,” I let out a breathy whisper and back up waiting for his reaction, my hand rubbing back and forth on the lower portion of his stomach.

For the first time in the past ten minutes, Cullen opens his eyes and gives me a sideways look, raising one eyebrow. “Bull was telling you things while in Crestwood wasn’t he?”

I burst into a laugh and hide my face into his chest. “Guilty,” I say while still giggling, losing my sexy composure altogether.

“You should listen to him more because it’s really working for me,” he said before grabbing my head and kissing me.

He laid on his back and pulled me closer to him, my breasts pressed hard against his side, my mouth on his neck, my insides getting warm all over again. Cullen’s breathing sped up as I licked his neck and rubbed just below his belly button with my hand. I watch as he takes his free hand and grabs a hold of his throbbing cock. Cullen started stroking himself slowly, just like he had told me what to do on our first night. Watching him was making me want myself touched too.

“What are you thinking of” I whisper and go back to kissing his neck.

“You,” he breathed, his stroking still steady, his cock getting harder and bigger.

My mouth trailed kisses down his neck and down his shoulder, I listen to his breathing and it starts to slowly speed up. Being completely turned on, take a hand and feel myself. My pussy is getting wet and hot, oh it wants to be touched again so badly. Sliding my finger into myself, I feel the juices all over.

“What am I doing Cullen,” I breath against warm skin, then look down to see him stroking a little faster, going all the way from the dark tip, down to the base, he moans.

I remove my fingers from my wetness. He was watching me as I brought my hand up to his mouth and made him taste my juices. Then started kissing his chest, I hear his stroking getting faster, his breathing matching the pace.

“You’re riding me, hard, calling my name with every moan,” he starts to pant, and his stomach starts to twitch, he is close.

I move up to his ear and start to moan his name “oh Cullen,” he growls in reply “mmm Cullen, it feels so good” I suck on his ear. “Cullen, I want you to come, I want it all over me, explode on me Cullen.”

Before I could finish my thought he had moved above me, on his knees, straddling my hips and was stroking himself, hard and fast. I was utterly turned on. “Please Cullen,” I said and watched his red face, as he burst all over me, with a deep throaty moan coming from his lips. White spurt, after white spurt came from his cock as he continued to stroke himself. While slowly finished, I lay beneath him with evidence of his explosion on my stomach, arms, and breasts.

Breathless, Cullen leaned forward on his hands with me under him, and kissed me. He made a joke about how I needed a second bath and then helped me get cleaned up.

By now it was late and most of Skyhold’s residents had gone to sleep. I should have been exhausted, but I was so charged and so aroused, I wasn’t exactly sure what to do. Watching Cullen get off like that made me want more, but I wasn’t about to ask, it wasn’t fair and he was probably just as exhausted.

I locked the balcony window after finding a silk robe to throw on myself before and tossing another log on the fire. Cullen walked up from behind and pulled me into another, him now wearing the bottom half of his day clothes.

“You should have those kinds of conversations with Bull more often” he joked, it was obvious that he enjoyed the tips.

“I missed you a lot” I replied and leaned back into him, watching the fire consume the new log. “Especially on the days we closed the rifts,” I grinned remembering how turned on they made me.

Bull being as perceptive as he was, picked up on the effect that the rifts had on me almost immediately. He did make a comment about how if I wasn’t with the Commander, he would help me with my ‘rift issue’ anytime. It actually made me laugh since he made a joke about me becoming a profession bull rider. I chose to blow off the advances, much like how Dorian and I shamelessly flirted it felt that they were harmless. One night when it was just us around the bonfire, I asked for him to be a friend and help me out with some pointers, to which, he was more than happy to oblige.

Cullen laughed out an “I bet” before kissing the back of my neck and pulling me back to my bed. I would have been more than happy just to fall asleep in his arms right then and there, but Cullen kissed me in a way that I knew he wasn’t ready for sleep.

The kiss was slow and deep, his tongue moved in my mouth like it had before and I pulled him in closer. His response was to slowly push me on my back and straddled me like before. On hands and knees, he looked down at me, right into my eyes.

“Do you want to go to sleep?” he kissed my neck, I responded by tilting my head just so he had more room to do his magic. “I am behind on the rift count again you know.” His voice was low and scratchy again, and it made me throb between my legs just listening to him.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want-“

“I always want to” he interrupted, looking back into my eyes, so deeply. He pushed the hair out of my face and kissed me, biting my lip, making me wetter. “If I help you out quickly, we might not have to remedy myself after either” he smiled and lowered his mouth to my collarbone. He dropped one hand smoothly down my body and rubbed the outside of my warm pussy, and it made me squeak out a moan. I felt a smile against my skin, “you are so wet already,” Cullen then brought up his hand and watched as he placed a finger in my mouth. The taste of myself was different, I haven't known a flavor like that before if anything, tangy and salty? I wasn’t sure. I sucked on his fingers and bobbed my head while he continued to watch. “Oh you are too good at that” he joked and pulled his hand away.

Cullen started to kiss down between my breasts, his hands rubbing each, first in circles, then using his fingers to massage each whole breast and then finally he lightly pinched the oh so sensitive and hard nipple. Letting out a gasping moan, I grab his head back up to my face and kiss him.

Pulling away, Cullen’s mouth found one of my nipples, he lightly sucked on it before swirling it around with his tongue, then moving to the other one. My breathing becoming faster and my moans becoming more frequent.

He moves down to my stomach, kissing slowly, licking between each kiss. His tongue always touching where his lips had previously. Cullen’s hands start to rub the inside of my thighs as he slowly kisses down to my bellybutton. I bit my lip and watched him as he looked up to me before oh so slowly kissing down past the point where I would normally twitch. I worried that it would happen again, the fear was at the top of my mind, just ready to ruin this whole moment. His hands were still rubbing my thighs, making every nerve ending tingle. He continues to kiss down lower, and lower, the prickles of stubble poking the sensitive skin of my throbbing pussy. Cullen stops just above where the wetness begins and looks up to me. Wanting permission before continuing.

“Oh please don’t stop now!” I said, almost too loud. He laughs and continues.

The kisses go around the outside of my oh so wet and wanting pussy, his hands still rubbing my legs, I was so wet and wanting, I wanted him to stop teasing me now. Adding tongue to each kiss, Cullen trails his lips up the inside of my leg, all the way to my knee, then moves back down, kisses the outside of my pulsating pussy and drags his tongue up the length of it, causing me to sigh in pleasure, excited that he was going to start soon. The teasing continues as he starts to kiss up my other leg.

“Cullen, please” I beg him, wanting him so much to start.

“Not yet,” he grins against my leg and continues to kiss and lick up and down it.

Once getting back down to the oh so wanting and wet heat between my legs, he kissed the outside first. Then moved himself into a more comfortable position. Going in close, Cullen licked the outside again; he stopped at the top and kissed it. His tongue slowly started to swirl around my front spot and I instantly began to moan. He lightly started to suck and do the swirling action and my heart started to beat faster, the pleasure was so great that I wasn’t sure how long I would last.

Two of his fingers replaced his tongue as he continued to gently draw circles around my clitoris; I couldn’t control my heavy breathing, a moan coming out with almost every swirl. Cullen sucked on the rest of my pussy while he continued to stroke my clit. He then stuck his tongue inside of me; I wasn’t expecting the sensation and had to grab the sheets. He laughed while inside of me and that made a whole new and strange feeling.

Moving his mouth back up to my spot he licked it like it was a frozen treat from the sweet shop in the Val Royeaux Market. Two of his fingers pushed into me, causing another moan, I was fighting the urge to tighten my legs around him, my muscles already starting to contract.

His fingers started to stroke the spot inside of me and I was putty in his hands. With every come hither motion he made, the tightness in my core building. Cullen’s tongue started to move faster on my clitoris, pressing harder, I place a hand over my mouth to stifle the moans.

Cullen starts to use the tip of his tongue; it flicks faster and faster, his fingers still pushing against the sensitive inside spot, matching pace. The pulses of excitement become more frequent, with each surge he moves faster and harder. My moans are constant; I haven’t felt anything like this before. This man seems to surprise me with each new encounter.

Each breath a new moan, each quiver a faster pace. My legs start to shake, as I get closer, he pushes harder and I arch my back as my body becomes entirely rigid and a wave release comes over me. Each muscle tightening and releasing, twitching and tingling as he continues, to lick me, my legs twitch, my core tightens, I can’t help when my legs get tighter around his head. I don’t know what to do with my hands, hold the sheets, grab the headboard, squeeze a pillow, it doesn’t matter, they are just useless and distracting right now.

His tongue pushes harder, and his fingers continue with stroking my front spot, my moans start with cursing the Maker and calling out his name as my whole body tightens one more time and then explodes in one final and huge release.

I am absolutely breathless. Cullen crawls up and pulls me into a hug, my body still getting the odd twitch as it recovers.

I run my fingers through his hair as he cuddles in, his head almost resting on mine. “How come you are so perfect?”

“Believe me, I am not,” he says and then kisses my shoulder.


	12. Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i must apologize as i had posted work that was still actively working on. Too much wine and trying to post something don't mix well. Again i am so sorry for my mix up.

The preparations for what seemed like a small army of people to begin the journey for Halamshiral were almost complete. Josephine and I were settling the last few arrangements before my head found a pillow for the night. That or I pass out from exhaustion, whatever happens first at this point. There was one detail that we couldn't agree upon and both sides felt that their opinion was the better one, leaving us at a somewhat standoff.

“I will not empty the Inquisitions coffers on this trip Josephine. We will make camp each night, and that is it” I snapped. This probably was the first time I actually pulled rank with Josephine but at this point of our unreasonably long conversation, I was out of patience and she wasn't listening. “Four nights travel is expensive as it is, plus two days in Halamshiral, and that’s not even including feeding the large amount of people we’re bringing. How much do you intend on spending?”

“I understand your reservations Inquisitor, but if you want to show Orlesian nobility some power… then you will need to be willing to let go of some sovereigns. Money means power in Orlais and if you're spending it like there is no end to it, then you hold plenty of power.” Josephine replied, keeping her cool no matter how loud I got.

“But to do that we would have to spend more than a few sovereigns,” I sat in a rather comfortable chair in Josephine’s study, rubbing my temples in circles hoping to coax my headache away. We were just talking circles around each other, neither of us giving an inch.

“Yes... that would be the problem we keep finding ourselves in” She still had a calm voice, never wavering to frustration.

Then an idea came to mind, I stood up and walked over to Josephine’s desk, almost excited to finally have this conversation over. “Fine we will spend the money and as much as we need to keep our reputation.” Josephine almost looked relieved, a side of me thought it might also be because she really was not the tenting type. “But we spend it how I say. Deal?”

“How would you suggest we spend it Lady Inquisitor?” She had pen and parchment in hand, ready to make notes.

“For every night that we stay in a town that has a tavern or an inn. We rent all of the rooms and give them to the men.” I crossed my arms and waited for her reaction. The shock of my statement had her scratch the feather pen across her parchment, it was somewhat amusing to see her have an imperfect moment. “They deserve to have a soft bed for at least a few nights.”

“That is very generous of you Inquisitor, but what of.... “

“Myself, and everyone from my inner circle will set up camp just outside of the town.” I started walking towards the door, finished with this conversation. “If the Orlesians want to gossip about me I might as well give them something good.”

Once I close the door, I flopped against it, letting my head thud when it made contact with the hardwood. Considering the pins and needles that my head currently had, it probably wasn't the best idea. I was just was hoping to release some of the stress.

Aside from a few guards, the great hall was empty. It must have been a lot later than I first thought, which evidently meant less sleep for me tonight, and a very long first day on the road through the Frostback mountains and then eventually Orlais.

I walked out of the front doors of the great hall and just took in how empty the courtyard was. It was late enough for everyone to be asleep, even the tavern windows were dark, if I hadn't known better, it would it would seem unusually quiet, but, with the big ride starting tomorrow, it seemed like everyone was getting an early night. That is except for Josephine, myself, and by the looks of the candle light still coming from Cullen’s study, he was pulling another an all-nighter.

My heart sank a bit when I thought of the reasons why he wasn't sleeping, he would brush off extra work as an excuse, but I knew better. His nightmares were getting worse and some nights I could see the pain he was in while he dreamed. It was those nights that I didn't know what to do, should I wake him up? Should I get out away from him, just in case he starts to flail and hurts me. He would hate himself if that happened, or do I just lay there and wait for him to ride it through? I wish I could ask these questions, but, Cullen wasn't one to talk to me about this particular subject on the personal side of our relationship.

I walk into his study, it had the warm and inviting feeling again, I was happy to have that back. I looked around and everything was just as it had to be, in its own special place, always well maintained, and meticulously organized. Walking over to the front of his desk Cullen doesn’t look up from his work but knows I am there.

“You should be sleeping”, he grumbled while still scribbling down something.

“As should you,” I ignore his annoyance, I knew it was directed at his work and caused by the lack of sleep. Leaning over his desk where he is sitting down at on the other side, still not looking up. "Cullen” I whisper, with the breathy voice I know he can’t resist. I bend right over, practically laying on the surface, trying my hardest to not mess up any of the parchment that I currently am pressing myself against.

“Evelin what are you doing?” he asked, still not looking away, but perfectly aware that I am messing up the perfect piles of papers he has on his desk. I know it’s driving him crazy.

“Cullen, look at me, for Andraste’s sake” He finally lifted his head to look at me, I had crawled up close enough that we were nose to nose.

Once I finally got his attention, my heart skipped a beat, and a big smile grew on my face. I giggled out a “hi” before tilting my head in for a kiss.

It was long and slow with lots of pressure, but not rough. I let out a quiet sigh during the kiss, and he pulled away.

“You can't make sounds like that when I need to concentrate.” He grumbled and watched me as I got up and started snuffing the candles around the study. He was going to sleep, whether he liked it or not.

“No more thinking, we sleep now,” I demanded, before grabbing his hand and start pulling him across Skyhold to my room. I wasn't ready to sleep in his loft yet, too many bad feelings up there, avoiding the loft was the best way to ensure that I wouldn't have my own reoccurring nightmares.

“Eve, I have so much to do before we leave tomorrow,” Cullen wasn't happy that I took him away from the work, but at the same time, he wasn't resisting my demands.

“Are people on the brink of death if you don’t finish those papers or whatever seems to hog all of your attention these days?” I wouldn't let go of his hand while I lead the way. I looked back to see him smiling at me, despite the hour and utter exhaustion.

“No, I have two men taking care of my responsibilities while I am away. Things should be fine.” Cullen grumbled when he knew he wasn't going to win this discussion.

“So why work this much before leaving?” I turn around and look at him just before I reach to open my door.

Cullen uses some of his strength and pins. He moves in only inches away from me, his eyes studying my face, one hand tucking a stray hair behind my ear while the other slowly rubbed my thigh. He tried to lean in for a kiss, but I smiled and tilted my head to the side.

“No more talking” he whispers and tries to kiss me again, I found it amusing how hard he was trying to start something when I just really wanted to sleep. That or I was so tired, everything was making me giddy.

“We need sleep,” I whisper just before he plants a really soft kiss on my lips. He pulls away only so far that I can still just graze his skin. Despite being beyond tired, my heart starts to thump and I want more.

“Four nights there,” one soft kiss “two nights in Halamshiral,” a second kiss, this one lasting twice as long as the first “then another four nights back.” Another slow kiss, his tongue tracing my lip, “That’s how long I have to wait to touch you like this again,” his lips moved to my jaw, his hands found the bit of exposed skin between my shirt and leggings, the warmth of his rough, calloused hands made my skin tingle.

I didn't think about that, having to treat Cullen as just the Commander for ten days. It was difficult enough getting through one war council meeting without a side glance or, an arm rub, and that always ended with a kiss that left me breathless after everyone else had left the room.

I let his hands wonder as mine ran through his hair. My neck tingled as he lightly trailed his tongue along the delicate skin, he then pressed his lips softly down the same path. Cullen knew the neck was my weakness, one that he exploited it as much as he could. A hand pulled my leg around his waist, then ran down my thy, stopping on my bottom, pulling me in close.

As it was, we would be getting maybe four hours of rest, which was going to make it almost impossible to stay awake through an 8-hour ride.

“Sleep now, and maybe fun in the morning?” I try to bargain with him, utterly breathless, my heart pounding as he is kissing my collarbone. I was lucky enough that he was still wearing his armor, or there would be no doubt that I would be feeling a bulge rubbing against me, making me think about it, think about him.


	13. Less Sleep

Once in my room, I flopped down, face first onto my bed, breathless and exhausted. Cullen joined me in a flop on the soft mattress only a few seconds later. With some of his armor already on the floor, he pushed a mess of hair out of my face and just looked at me. I watched his eyes, as they were studying every feature on my face; he continued to run his fingers through my hair as he seemed to be memorizing the patterns of freckles on my cheek bones.

I was stuck, frozen in place staring at this beautiful, perfect man, who was utterly in love with me. He loved my mistakes, accepted my fears, and wanted to grow with me, to become better together. My heart thumped, as he continued to look, finally pushing me to become self-conscious and my cheeks turning red, just as I hid my face in the sheets.

“Nope, not allowed” Cullen stated while rolling me over and pinning me to my back. He then leaned forward and our lips met. His chest pressing into me, half-dressed and me with my shirt undone. His hands lightly holding my jaw as my lips felt the pressure of his tongue brushing against them. Him wanting me so much to open my mouth, to allow him to start something.

I lightly push him away and he grumbles in response, still trying to hold my head and kiss me. I laugh and pull away my head. “Sleep now, then quick fun for you in the morning, I promise.” He takes the bait and lets me slide under the covers, much too tired to care what clothing I am wearing.

Cullen strips down to his underclothes and crawls into my bed behind me and pulls me in close to him. I wriggle into my comfortable spot within our spooning while being completely distracted by kisses on my neck and a hand down my shirt, trying to wake up a nipple.  I get comfy, and then feel it, him pressing against my backside, he is not even trying to deny it or make it go away.  The thought of him wanting me makes my lower region get warm, his manhood brushing against me and trying so hard to turn me on in return.

I close my eyes and let out a slow and long breath, trying to sleep, but not stopping his advances. Oh, Maker, I want him so badly. I want him to make me come, I want his mouth to touch me everywhere, most of all I want his tongue on my clit.

His lips pull on my ear, as I feel a tongue lightly touch the skin, goose bumps form on my arm, a shiver is sent down my spine. My body getting warmer and warmer, my breathing, deeper and slower.

“If you want me to stop I will,” Cullen whispers in my ear between nibbles. His hand still teasing a breast, one finger tracing around the now hard nipple, making it ever more sensitive to his touch.

“No. Don’t stop” I breathe out, not wanting to think about words but just his touch and wetness starting to gather between my legs. I take a free hand and grab his head, pressing it hard against my neck, just hoping and wanting him to bite harder, lick more, and kiss faster. I hear a low laugh come from him before he practically reads my mind.

I grind my ass against his hard cock as he continues to fondle my nipples and tear into my shirt, buttons be damned. His mouth sucking on my neck causes me to curse and breathe out harder, my pulse begins pounding.

Guiding his hand down off my breast he stops on my stomach and pulls me in deeper, he joins in the grind and starts to breath hard. Wanting his touch on my pulsating lower half I push his hand down and he begins to massage it on the outside of my pants. His lips are still causing every nerve on my neck to be alive and on fire. My breathing is fast and sharp while my body goes into overdrive with lust, want, and utter need for him to make me come.

He rubs his fingers hard on my clit through my pants and undergarments. The sensation is not the best, but it’s better than nothing. Still feeling Cullen’s so hard cock growing and rubbing against my ass, I begin to slide off my pants.

“Eager are we?” Cullen laughs, removing his hand and helping me. His hand starts to rub my thigh as we remained spooned. My mind constantly thinking about how much closer his hard cock is to my skin.

I can only reply in quick, sharp breaths. Turning my head, I grab his and mash his lips to mine, needing the pressure against me. His tongue enters my mouth as his hands begin to massage my oh so wanting pussy. So wet, so hot and pulsating. I rotate my hips and open my legs more so he has better access, his cock now rubbing against the side of my leg, so hard. I begin thinking about it, wanting to give him the pleasure he gives me it just makes me want more.

Cullen’s eyes study my face and watch every expression I make as two of his fingers trace the outside of my undergarments, teasing the sides of my pussy. My bottom quivers, as I think about wanting him so much.

He adds a third finger teasing up and down the middle while others still massage the side. Up and down, with varying pressure, some rough, some hardly grazing the fabric. I just want a finger to slide under so much.

“Please” I beg him, out of breath, my heart pounding.

“Please what?” He teases.

“I want you to make me come so hard Cullen” I demand before pulling him in for another kiss, my tongue not waiting for permission enter his mouth.

He pulls back with a huge smile on his face, still stroking my pussy, his cock still rubbing my thigh. “How?” another deep kiss, our tongues fighting for control.

“How do you want to?” I pull away and ask, being utter putty in his hands.

“Oh, that’s a loaded question Love, how about I just kiss you.” Without my reply, Cullen starts to trace kisses down my chin and jaw letting his tongue momentarily tease every inch of skin as he moves down while he still massaged my now very wet pussy.  

Not knowing what to do with my hands, I fondle my breasts, letting the hard nipple brush against my palms. I squeeze and rub them while, Cullen nips at my neck then licks the tingles away. I moan his name at the sensation. He lets out a low chuckle.

His lips trace down my collarbone, he then slowly moves between my breasts. He comments on how he likes when I play with myself and kissed a hand before moving to my stomach.

A Long slow lick followed by kisses,  a small burst of cold air tickled the wet spots his tongue had made. The new sensation on my very warm body made me tingle and gasp, my heart still pounding. I want him to hurry up so much, my pussy is throbbing so much its almost uncomfortable.

He Kisses down my belly button, down past till he reaches the top of my undergarments. I feel his lips kiss the top of my pussy through the cloth and I let out a slow breath in anticipation.

A tongue presses in through the fabric and lightly rubs my clit, the sensation makes me angle more and rub back. I feel a smile pressed against my pussy as he likes my eagerness.

Not wanting to wait anymore, I pull down my undergarments. He laughs and kisses the outside, letting his tongue trace the skin. I can almost feel it and want it so much more. Finally, I feel his hands separate me and I feel his face go into me. His tongue licking the entire length of my pussy I moan in satisfaction.

His lips wrap around my swollen clit and I gasp, it is so sensitive from waiting that I feel like I might come too fast. A tongue traces around and then goes over. I grab the sheets tightly with my hands, as they have become useless to me in any other way. Cullen’s tongue pushes harder against my clit and I jump from the wave of sensitive pleasure, another gasp. I feel his lips around my clit and he starts to treat it like it was my tongue fighting for control with his. Rolling it around, sucking on it, pressing hard against it.

A tightness in my middle begins, along with a twitch in my inner thigh. I feel the edge of his tongue start flicking against my spot, hard and fast. Oh, Maker, so fast.

I moan out his name and the tightness pulls me in more and breathing becomes even more difficult. His tongue moves faster. I start to feel a finger enter me, another moan. He starts to move his finger in a come here motion and the other amazing sensation joins in on the waves of pleasure, causing me to large twitch and feel the tightness grow, I get so excited waiting for my explosion that I don’t notice how tight my legs are around him. He moves faster, and harder, adding in two fingers into me and starts to thrust hard. His name comes out of my mouth again as the explosion takes over and sends a wave of release through my center and all the way down to my toes. Waves of explosions follow as Cullen doesn’t stop. I beg for him to, but he continues to go fast and hard with his tongue and the waves continue as my core starts to shake, I can’t breathe, I can’t control my legs and the huge wave of an unexpected burst hits me.

A very loud “Ohhh!” escapes my mouth as I finally gain control of my body again and go utterly limp. My pussy so sensitive to his touch now that I pull him away, not being able to handle anything anymore.

Disappointed that he couldn’t continue to make me scream, he kisses my stomach, and licks my nipples, then presses his lips against mine, making me taste myself all over his mouth.

All I can think about is how perfect he is and how he just knows what to do. How did I get so lucky?

I was in the mind fog of post orgasm ecstasy as Cullen crawled up to my face, a hand and a knee on either side, his hard cock tracing against my skin as he moved up. Our eyes met, and I had a shy smile break out, even with how close we were, I still got nervous and had a flutter in my stomach when our eyes met.

“Oh you have no idea how much I want to be inside you right now” Cullen said quietly, not in a way to push me into something, but more so telling me how much he wanted me. It was a nice gesture, but I wasn’t ready. I wanted to explore each other more first.

I went up on my elbows and kissed him lightly. Small, light kisses with my tongue just tickling his lip, I couldn’t help but smile while kissing him, he made me just so happy, and I was still in this lovey dovey mushy cuddly phase I got into right after he made me come.

“Do you remember our first night?” I asked between kisses and pushing myself to sit up, Cullen straddled my legs resting on his knees, his erection pressing against my stomach. He pulled away from my mouth and looked me in the eyes, looking deep into me, him burning with heat and lust. “I want you to teach me more,“ I whispered before putting his cock in my hand and letting it slowly slide up and down. 

I squeezed a bit harder and twisted my hand and it continued to go up and down.  Words weren’t leaving his mouth, just heavy breathing. I took that as a good thing and continued to stroke him. For not knowing what I was doing, I actually enjoyed this. Being this close to him, listening to what I was doing for him. It excited me in a way that made me just want to try more.

“What else should I do?” I asked while never stopping the firm up and down motion I was doing on his cock. I squeezed harder and he moaned, his stomach twitched and I thought that as a good sign.

“Stop for a second,” he moved to get up, his breathing erratic and his face now red. I stopped, disappointed that I had hurt him or something.

“Why? What did I do wrong?”  I dropped my hand and pushed myself away, suddenly feeling extremely exposed and stupid. Cullen grabbed my face and pressed his lips hard against mine, taking me by surprise.

“It was too good.” He pulled away and breathed, “I needed a moment to slow down, don’t want to finish yet.” He smiled and kissed me again.

Cullen pulled me to the edge of the bed and a pillow on the floor, he then instructed me to kneel on it. I eagerly did it, excited to learn. He started to stroke himself slowly and watched me as I moved into position. I absolutely loved watching him touch himself, and took in a few more seconds before kissing him and replacing his hands with both of my own.

His breathing sped up as he let out a low gasp.  I twisted my hands to move in opposite directions as I stroked him up and down again, after a few more slow pumps. I made my left-hand tighter than my right as I pushed them up his cock, he sighed clearly enjoying the change. Then I made my right tighter than my left going down, feeling every vein, feeling his heat radiating. Oh, Maker, I was enjoying this.

“Oh, Maker, Eve” Cullen sighed and placed his fingers in my hair. He was breathing so heavily, it was turning me on again just enjoying his pleasure.

I looked up to him, he was watching every move and smiled when our eyes met, my heart skipped a beat at his smile while my hands still going up and down his hard cock.

“Do you want to finish, or do you want me to do something else.” I didn’t know what else to do.

“Never stop,” he said between heavy breaths, in the same motion he took one of my hands and placed it on his balls, still looking up not having a clue what to do with the odd feeling pile of skin. “Lightly massage them” he instructed, emphasizing the word lightly.

I listened and he immediately breathed harder, one of his hands still in my hair, he held on tight. It hurt, but it was an okay sort of pain. My right hand continued to stroke him and I got this urge to taste his cock.

Ever so slowly, I removed my hands from his sack and held his cock while my mouth made contact with the head. He said that I didn’t have to do that, but I ignored him and wanted to taste more. My tongue traced around the firm head, it tasted a little salty, he moaned. Then I licked the very tip, he moaned more, and I had more of this strange salty flavor in my mouth.  Kissing the tip, I lightly sucked on it and he quivered.

I forced it through my lips, pushing his member deep into my mouth, brushing against my tongue, it was strange, at first, but I pushed on forward, feeding more of him into my mouth, then, realizing that I went too deep, I coughed and gagged.

Cullen immediately woke up from his pleasurable mind fog and was right there asking me if I was okay. I took his cock out of my mouth, feeling absolutely stupid I turned red and didn’t feel like doing that anymore.

Trying to keep me in the moment, Cullen pulled me to his face and kissed me. His hands holding my head, and his mouth pressed hard against mine until I melted and calmed down. He reassured me that it was amazing, and then kissed me again, being so grateful for what I tried to do.

“What would you like to do?” he asked, stroking my hair kissing my neck.

“I like watching you touch yourself,” I whispered, being slightly embarrassed. His kisses got harder before he started to stroke himself, his moans hard and fast once he pulled his mouth away from me.

I kneeled in front of him again and rubbed his legs watching so closely as he handled his cock with precision. I wasn’t finished tasting him, I wanted to taste it. I wanted his explosion in my mouth, even if I couldn’t cause it on my own.

“Come in my mouth Cullen,” I whisper, and he pumps himself harder and fast. I feel the wetness in my legs coming back as this turns me on.

He started to gasp and pulled my head to him fast, my mouth too in his cock as I locked my lips around it and his hips thrust himself into my mouth as I tried to move with him. His balls contract and I feel his cock stiffen against my tongue then the explosion hits and spills over, filling my mouth.  I swallow the evidence, not knowing what else to do with it, and desperately trying to get it off my tongue.

Cullen is out utterly out of breath and lies back on my bed, I cuddle into him and he kisses my forehead while he regains energy. Both of us exhausted from a long day and amazing orgasms, I wasn’t sure if I should tell him that I was getting turned on again.

We move back into my bed and take our typical position of him wrapped around me, as I the little spoon feel utterly safe in his arms.  Cullen brushed his hands over my sides, tracing my hips, brushing my bum, feeling my stomach, and then discovering my very hard nipples, revealing my aroused state. Cullen laughed and kissed my back.

“It’s a never ending circle isn’t it?” he asked while massaging one of my breasts, it felt so good and didn’t help my current state of mind.

I joined in with a chuckle and turned around to face him, my forehead pressed against his chest, his head resting on mine. “Yes, but we really need sleep.”

He tried to object but in the end I finally got to sleep.  


	14. Camp

\--------

[Cullen]

I walked into the library. It had a familiar scent to it, dust, paper, old leather. I guess some people would enjoy the smell, to me, it was just another room in the Circle Tower, my current assignment.

A group of initiates nervously look up from their books as I walk by. Remembering my instructions, I keep an emotionless face but acknowledge their presence. I wanted to feel their fear and respect as I walked by the mages who hadn't yet taken their harrowing, it was easier that way. Everything was harder if you were forced to kill an abomination who used to be a friend. The risk of them turning was always there, but during the Harrowing was for most, their first real encounter with demons and I've seen more abominations during that test than I have any other way, in my short time of being a Templar.

The Circle Tower had a good grasp on controlling blood mages, so much that I never truly feared seeing an enchanter, or anyone who passed the Harrowing of really turning into an abomination. We were always to be on guard and to always think that it was a possibility, but there were mages like Wrynn that you just knew wouldn't turn demonic.

I continued my patrols of the tower until I saw her. The beautiful blond initiate who made my heart skip a beat each time I laid my eyes on her. Knowing it was wrong I tried my hardest to avoid her at not fall into the spell she must have on me.

As the weeks went on and she got more familiar with the tower, I often caught her looking at or following me. She even made requests to Head Enchanter Irving for me, specifically, to accompany her while she left the tower run errands for her superiors. I tried to play off being sick or too busy with the guard to bother helping an initiate, but she saw right through it and got her way eventually.

I hated myself for it, for me falling for her, stealing moments alone, waiting to hold her hand. Knowing this was all wrong. Knowing I might have to cut her down if she failed to safely return from the fade.

She was my first and I felt like I was in love. This forbidden fruit knew so much and made me feel so amazing.

One night, when most people had either gone to sleep or were busy with helping one of the senior enchanters, she pulled me into a storage room where her lips hastily found mine and her hands removed my lower armor even faster. At this point, we had become very good at the quick gratifying fuck and then going about our day.

I pulled her robes up to her waist and scratched her thigh digging deep, punishing this bad mage. Wrapping her leg around my waist I shoved myself into her hot, warm pussy and thrust fast. She moved with me and whispered dirty things in my ear which made me come way too fast for her get any joy out of it, but she didn't care. I pulled out of her breathless, she kissed me and left the closet. I got dressed and waited our decided time before getting out myself.

The room was different. It smelled different, books, paper and old leather was replaced with rotten flesh and old blood. I gaged to breathe and called out her name. She didn't reply, but I did hear fighting down the hall. Unsheathing my sword and readying my shield as I enter the room.

Demons. I say a prayer to the maker and cast a Templar spell to cancel any magic. My body is frozen in place and despite how hard I try, I can't move anything, I can't even blink.

A demon with voluptuous breasts, chains attached to its nipples and a head of flaming purple hair hovers over to me.

"It's okay," it says while cupping its breast, "I can make it all go away."

I have this feeling of my thoughts softening, my vision changing, I yell out "no!" and resist the images this desire demon is trying to force into my brain. My head starts to throb in pain as she tries harder to dig past my mental resistances. This continues for Maker knows how long, it feels like years, but it could have been minutes.

Abominations enter the room, one comes charging over and pushes the desire demon out of the way. The demon lets go of my holding and I drop the floor, sword still in hand. The horrific abomination stands there looking at me as I stand up. It's skin curdling, goo dripping from various holes in its flesh, bones peeking out. I am so enraged and disgusted by it that I swing my sword in one great horizontal slash, cutting the monster in half.

Without a second thought, I charge to the demon ready to kill anything in my path.

"Tisk tisk" it hums in my brain "that's not nice" the desire demon freezes me in place and turns me around to face the dead abomination laying in pieces, black and red blood gurgling out of the pieces on the floor.

The chunks start to morph and vibrate, they shrink, and my heart sinks as I see pink flesh emerge from the rotting ooze. Blond hair forming from the black, and then finally I see her dead face morph from the abomination that I just killed without a thought. My insides rip through me with a pain I've never experienced before as the demon laughs and begins to send flashes of her dying in front of me, me killing her, me fucking her, her dead eyes fixated on me. I try so hard to fight it, but I don't know how long it will last.

Another demon picks up the torso and throws it in my face.

Immediately sit up, my heart racing, my breathing uncontrolled. I look around. The room is different; I am on a bed, naked.

"Cullen!" A woman grabs my face in the dark and I fight to get away. "Cullen look at me!" She fights back and straddles my legs, she's undressed too. I see the blond hair and can't look, I can't handle seeing the dead eyes and try to push her away, but her grip is too tight. "Cullen! It's me, Eve," we're nose to nose, her hands like a vice grip around my face.

Realizing where I am and who it is, someone who I am deeply in love with, not just a young man's infatuation, I whisper her name and pull her into a tight hug until my breathing and heartbeat returns to normal.

She hugs me equally as tight and reassures me that I am okay. She runs her hands through my hair, I listen as her heartbeat and breathing slows down as well. Our embrace still tight, the skin to skin contact making everything feel even better.

Her hair trickles down my back as she adjusts and pulls me in closer, still on her knees, still straddling my legs. My ear rests on her heart; her breasts nestled around my head and neck. My arms completely wrapped around her body.

I finally calm down and let her go. She rests her bottom on my legs and looks at me with a concerned face, her hands still running through my hair.

"You really scared me," her voice shaky, "are they always that bad?"

I never liked talking about this with Eve, it made me feel weak, but the longer I went without lyrium the worse and more vivid the nightmares got. It was getting clear that I wasn't going to be able to avoid the subject for much longer.

"They are much worse when you're not here," I said quietly, feeling ashamed.

She looked sad; I kissed her forehead and pulled her down to sleep again. Eve cuddled in and kissed my chest before closing her eyes and trying to bring on sleep. I just laid there and watched her, reluctant to close my eyes.

 

\----------

[Trevelyn]

Traveling through the Frostback mountains was never something I enjoyed. We had established the path from Skyhold to Orlais months ago and it had been well traveled by now, but the constant change in elevation and steep angle of the ground gave any expert rider a challenge. It was even worse being this exhausted. I was thankful for Dorian and his constant natter with Varric. If I concentrated on that, I could stay awake much longer and avoid the risk of leading my charger right off the path.

Cullen had insisted that he and his soldiers leave early and ensure safe passage for everyone else on the path. We had said our goodbyes just before dawn despite my instance that we travel as one party. Leliana, a few of her scouts, Josephine, my party and I started our journey a few hours after. Cullen’s group had taken most of the supplies, so we just had to travel from point A to point B and hope we don’t encounter any problems. Cullen’s words, not mine, I probably would have been more awake if a fight began and my adrenaline started to pump.

Nearing the end of the day, I was relieved to see a town at the edge of the foothills. By this point, everyone was tired and our horses needed a good, long rest. The soldiers that Cullen had taken were setting up our camp on the outside of the town, close to a river and had good vision to spot out any ambushes.

Josephine, my party and I had walked to the tavern looking to find rooms for the soldiers, and for Josephine, if she so wished, not being the outdoor type. I walked up to the innkeeper and dropped a small satchel of coin in front of him. He looked down and then slowly up at me, clearly unamused. After traveling all day, I didn't look like the sort to have much spending power. I preferred it that way.

“How much to rent a room for a night,” I asked politely.

“More than the few Crowns you have in that satchel,” he replied dryly in a thick orlesian accent while crossing his arms.

Dorian laughed in the background, “why don’t you look in the bag before you make assumptions my good friend.”

The innkeeper eased the satchel open with one hand, he looked back up to me once he saw it filled with gold coins, Royals as they were called in Orlais.

“I must apologize for my hasty assumptions, most travelers who come over the mountains from Ferelden have very little to barter with. You and I, however, we could make some arrangements.”

I didn’t like this man or his greed and if I had the option, I would have walked out and picked another inn or tavern, but as that wasn’t going to happen, I had to make this work.

“I want all of your rooms for one night, and one upon our return in ten days.” His eyes went huge as I continued to talk, “plus enough food and drink to give my people their fill”.

“Done.” He interrupted.

I raised one finger telling him to hold off for one more moment. “… and given your hasty assumptions, I want this at a discount good sir. Unless you want to insult the leader of the Inquisition.”

“Ten percent isn’t a problem at all my lady.” The orlesian nodded his head.

“Thirty,” I demanded, crossing my arms, knowing that I had the power in this conversation now.

“Oh my lady,” he cowered down as if to hide the shame “I am but a humble businessman, I could not do more than fifteen percent without taking a loss”

“Would you consider twenty, considering we will be back in ten days for the same offer?” Josephine finally stepped in; I knew she was practically hiding her face at my bartering for a discount and wanted to end this conversation quickly. She was the type to use money as power despite the cost. I wanted to use it as power, but still not break the coffers.

“Oh, yes, yes I could live with twenty percent off,” this now very humble man was almost ready to drop to his knees and kiss my boots.

“Good, my people will be here momentarily, I suggest you find someone to cook a feast,” I suggested after looking around and seeing only him serving.

We left after my instructions and headed back to our camp, Cullen's small group of soldiers were already heading for the tavern.

\--------------

At the campsite just after dusk, four of my companions, the advisors and I were resting around a large bonfire. I stared at the crackling fire, it moving along the charred wood, I was almost hypnotized by the glowing embers changing colors flowing through the wood as if it weren’t a solid object. By this time I had been awake for so long, I must have been on my third or fourth wind of energy and opted for this rare moment to spend time with my favorite people in such a peaceful setting. Even if it’s for one night, we can at least feel at ease and not worry about the world crumbling around us.

“This was one of my favorite parts of traveling with the warden,” Leliana broke the silence. She rarely spoke of her time during the blight so everyone around the fire gave her their attention, “even with all of the death and horrible things going on around us, we could find a place that was safe and make it our home, even if it was just for a few hours,” sitting on a stump, Liliana leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees as she looked into the fire. Though the company this time is different I enjoy it just as much.” her eyes shifted to me. “Just promise me that you won’t be like the warden and keep everyone up all night by making her blond Templar moan her name,” she giggled, “Tents don’t make good sound barriers.” Leliana then smiled at her apparent joke.

Cullen was on the other side of the fire from me and thus far into the trip, we have been keeping everything strictly professional as we had intended. I wasn’t sure where that comment came from. Looking over to him, I met his gaze, he was clearly as confused as I. The silence grew awkward as we didn’t know how to reply.

“Oh, common!” Dorian finally broke the silence, “you can’t act like you didn’t intend to canoodle every night and make those faces at each other.”

“I –uh – we actually packed separate tents and planned on being professional for the trip”, I studdered to get the words out.

A roar of laughter filled the air as everyone minus Cullen and I laughed out loud at my declaration.

“The two of you can’t keep your hands off each other unless one of you isn’t in Skyhold, and yet you expect us to believe that story? I thought I knew my orphan twin better than that,” Dorian pretended to be disappointed.

“I respect the decisions you have made for the inquisition, Lady Inquisitor” Leliana spoke again “but considering you could be a target I would suggest we have you guarded during the night,” I nodded my head at her, it did make sense, even if I was just as lethal as any guard “… and I can’t think of anyone more suited for the position than the commander himself.” She smiled at me.

I felt weird. It was embarrassing getting permission to spend the night with the man who has been sharing my bed for months as it is. I still didn’t know how to react, so I smiled and then excused myself, told them I needed to stretch my legs.

Knowing that someone would follow and try to see what's wrong, it was just a matter of time and who it would be. Cullen would be the first to stand up, then Dorian would insist, but I know that..

“You didn’t like my comment did you” Leliana walked up from behind, as I kept moving forward down the gravel path.

I continued to look forward, trying hard to keep a blank expression on my face, “it annoyed me, yes,” I crossed my arms to stay warm as a cool breeze made my skin tingle with shivers. “I don’t even know how to react to that. What did you expect?”

“I thought I was making a sweet gesture, knowing what the two of you intended, I just wanted to let you know that you can be yourselves and not just be the Inquisitor and the Commander, “ she looked down hiding her normally cold face. “I am sorry, Evelin, but please, be comfortable around us, we are the people who you’re closest to, we’re your friends and to some you’re part of our family.”

Her words were sincere, and they made me feel guilty for getting annoyed, I smiled. Coming to the end of the path, there was a small clearing and a large rock perfect for watching the river just down the hill. I took a deep breath and let out a long, slow sigh, my exhaustion taking over again. Leliana never joined me, I assumed that she walked back to camp because the next set of steps I heard were much heavier and had a longer stride.

Cullen sat beside me, leaning forward, elbows on his knees; he didn’t say anything but rather just let out a sigh equal to mine only moments ago. I leaned my head on his armored shoulder and closed my eyes, feeling a wave of sleep slowly creeping up. He pulled me in and wrapped his arm around me.

“We should get you back to a tent, or I guess our tent, now that we have been given permission,” Cullen said quietly only for my ears. His voice was so soothing to me, no matter how many times I heard it, it still made me just feel warmer, or better, or maybe just plain happy.

“No” I shook my head from under his warm hold, “here is just you and me, over there is you, me, and all of them,” I wasn’t trying to say that I didn’t like my closest companions and advisors, but just to have a moment alone with my favorite person in all existence was precious. We went quiet; it was relaxing to listen to the wind moving through the trees in the forest and the river flowing away.

I looked around; the forest was getting dark as the night’s sky had almost replaced the sunset entirely. We could hear the nearby river babbling away, but without any illumination, it too would soon be swallowed entirely by darkness. It was milder on this side of the Frostbacks, we were nearing wine country and soon the weather would be warm, a nice refreshing change from the cold mountain air.

“I have been thinking about something,” Cullen broke the silence, between the two of us. I look up to him from my warm, comfy place under his arm. “About your uncle, the Knight-Commander and what may have been going through his head when he decided to disallow you into the order.”

I tensed up at the mention of this topic; it was one of the moments in my past that really bothered me and for a long time after I was extremely self-conscious and unsure of myself in so many ways. In fact, it wasn’t until I joined the Inquisition that I regained my full confidence in the battlefield.

I stood up and started to slowly walk back to the camp, hoping he would drop the subject, but I was wrong, he continued to talk as we moved.

“I think he was trying to protect you,” Cullen said, not even looking at me, not caring what my reaction would be.

I stopped and looked at him, dead in my tracks and for the second time this night left without something to say. I felt angry. I was furious at what happened back then, I was mad at my lack of skills, and now annoyed that Cullen would try to make sense of old wounds.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about Cullen. How would you know what he was thinking? I was just a burden for him and he tossed me aside when he had the chance to make the choice.” I shook my head and looked down to the ground, just wanting this conversation to be over.

Cullen put his hands on my shoulders and waited for me to look up to him, but I refused. I didn’t want him to see this pain. I felt him tuck some hair behind my ear, and then heard a long sigh.

“How long ago did you take your Templar competency exams?” his hand ran through my hair while he used the soft voice that was reserved for my ears only.

I finally looked up at him, trying to stay mad. I was so angry, but those feelings melted away when we locked eyes. “Nearly seven years ago now, why does that matter?”

Cullen pulled me in under his arm to keep me warm and we continued to walk back to the camp. “Because it was around seven years ago that red lyrium was discovered and brought to the surface in Kirkwall. Nobody thought much of it, but look what it’s doing to the Templars now.” The path was so dark now that only the green glow of my anchor lit the way. “This was also a time when the violence between mages and Templars was just beginning to escalate, and then you add in his knowledge on how lyrium affects Templars in the long run.” He let out a long slow breath before continuing. “Why would he allow a family member to share that pain?”

“Why would he take me in then? Train me for four years and then leave me to the Chantry of all places?” These were questions I always wanted to ask. It would be nice to finally have some closure.

“Well..“ Cullen paused, trying to arrange his thoughts, “Being trained to fight as a Templar without the side effects would make you a very formidable foe on the battlefield, and we know that you are blessed with those skills” he looked down and smiled at me, I smiled back with a big thump in my chest. “So maybe he wanted just that and if I recall correctly, your father made him take you to the chantry.”

“So he didn’t want me to be a Templar, but he did want me to fight like one, to get some of the best education and training in Thedas?” I guess it could make sense, that uncle was always one to put family first, even if he had to hide his true intentions. I lump in my stomach grew as I felt the guilt of being angry at him for so many years.

“Exactly.” We were at the edge of the camp and heading towards the small tent that was designated for me and apparently my ‘bodyguard’. “Plus, I am glad you weren’t accepted into the order… on a more personal level.”

A big smile grew on my face, “Oh is that so? Commander?” I attempt to use a flirty voice, but always failed.

“Yes, since your uncle and I often rotated new Templars between Ostwick and Kirkwall, in order for them to get a more rounded education, I would have met you, as a recruit and that would have been it. As Knight-Captain, I kept all personal relationships very far away from the order if I had any at all.”

“So even with the instant connection we had at the very beginning, you would have ignored it?” It stung to even think about that life, one where he denied what had driven us together so powerfully.

“Yes, I vowed that I would never have personal feelings for anyone under my charge… if something were to happen…” he drifted off into a silence and stared forward.

I watched his face, wondering what he was thinking, why the sudden pause.

“If something were to happen?” I try to bring him back to the conversation, but he started to look like he was in pain. “Cullen?” I touched his face and brought him back to reality.

A few seconds later her looked down to me and smiled. Kissing my forehead, he suggested we finally get a good night’s sleep and brought me to our tent. I never pushed to find out what he was going to say. I just dropped the subject and fell asleep soon after entering the tent.


	15. Maker, save the Empress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I am writing way too much smut.

His lips found my neck again, causing tingles down my spine, heating me up all the way down to between my legs. I let out a sigh and move to expose more of my neck, sighing at the pleasure. Every morning in the tent was like this, not that I was complaining, but it was so difficult to stay quiet. Cullen would kiss my neck and lightly drag his fingers along my arms and stomach making me want him so, so much. I would feel his semi hard cock rub against me, and I would drive me mad with want. I want to touch it, hold it in my hands and make him moan while I lick it.

“You have to stop,” I whisper while still holding his head against my neck. My head knows I should stop him, but my body wants so much more.

Cullen quietly laughs while his tongue traces down my neck, his breath tickling the trail left behind. “You say that every morning,” a hand goes further up my shirt as he reaches for a breast. I do nothing to stop him, in fact, I start grinding against his cock, his breathing gets deeper.

“We can’t, people will hear,” I continue to rub against him, knowing want I want and saying the opposite, I turn around to face him, my hands lightly touching his chest. Our breathing is equally heavy, my lip quivering, wanting him to kiss me. He looks down at me, that half smile, that scar, his perfect eyes. It all made me bend to his will.

Cullen placed a hand on my jaw and traced his thumb on my quivering lip. He smiled, his eyes filled with so much lust. I didn't want to resist, but I had to. Still ignoring the logic in my brain, I put his thumb in my mouth and suck, never taking my eyes away from him. My mouth slowly takes his entire thumb in and then while my tongue pressed firmly against it, I slowly pull it out of my mouth. Without time to think Cullen pressed his lips against mine, pressing hard, and pulling at my bottom lip, coaxing my mouth to let his tongue in. All the while his leg pressed between mine, and my tingling and warm pussy rubbing against his leg. I wanted so badly to take off my clothes and get him to make me come right here right now, only minutes before people started to move around just outside our tent.

He pulled away from our kiss, breathless. “Oh, Maker Eve,” he whispered “I want to be inside you so badly right now” he kissed my jaw and collarbone. Me still rubbing against his leg, the sensation was good, but not what I wanted. Cullen pulled me on top of him, both of us still wearing night clothes, I straddle him and feel his hard bulge against my pussy.

Moving my hips, I rubbed myself against him. We didn't have time for sex, and I know I would make too much noise, especially considering people sometimes hear me in my bedchamber. The grinding felt good, we both were trying to stifle our heavy breathing, Cullen’s hands on my hips helping me move the way he needed me to. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the feeling, trying to make the tightness come.

I could feel Cullen’s stomach twitch and his muscles buckle. I looked at him and could tell he was close. So I quickly climbed off and pulled down his shorts. I couldn’t wait any long I needed to finish this for him. I wanted to make him come so badly to have him putty in my hands.

 Taking his throbbing cock in my hand, I started to move it up and down the shaft, feeling every vein, massaging his balls. I watched his face and he was trying so hard not to make noises. The hand closest to me, touching my back and scratching at my skin with each of his quakes.

Leaning forward I started to lick his cock. My tongue touching the head, going around it slowly while my hand continued to stroke him right from top to bottom. Next I took my tongue and licked the body of his shaft. Pressing hard against it with my tongue and completely concentrating on his pleasure, I was taken by surprise when Cullen started to pull down my undergarments. His hand then caressed my ass while it was in the air, with me leaning over his cock, in our small tent.

I pressed his hard cock through my lips and let my tongue glide against it as I took in as much as I could. Leaning further forward, I also now felt a thumb rubbing against my wet pussy. Keeping his cock in my mouth suppressed my moans. I moved my head faster up and down, his body started to twitch, with one free hand massaging the portion of the cock that I couldn’t fit into my mouth and the other gently playing with his balls. I pushed to bring him to come, his teasing was driving me mad, and I needed my own explosion.

Soon enough, his hand stopped playing with my pussy and he squeezed my leg, telling me he was so close. I tightened my lips around it and made my hand stroke him faster until he fought a moan and I felt the result of his explosion hit the back of my mouth. I continued to stroke him till every last drop was running down the back of my throat. I swallowed hoping to be rid of the taste that I still haven’t been able to get used to.

I lied back down beside Cullen, his arms wrapped around me. He kissed my forehead and then was still for a few moments, enjoying his post orgasm ecstasy.

My pussy was sopping wet almost to the point that I could feel the juices starting to run down the outside. I was more than ready for a good and hard fucking. A first in a long time to think like that, but I really wanted it. This just wasn’t the place to get it, we would have to wait for Skyhold.

Cullen started to play with my hard nipples, his fingers pinching them, his tongue making circles around them. I grabbed his hand and pulled it down to where I needed the attention. “No more teasing,” I whisper in his ear, just before he kissed me and pushed me onto my back. “Fast” I begged, he laughed and pressed two fingers into me.

Never taking his eyes off me as I made faces of pleasure and tried to keep my breathing quiet, Cullen worked two fingers deep inside of me, petting my inside spot just the right way. I was amazed at how he knew my body so well. His thumb started to rub against my clit, causing me to close my eyes and bite my lip. Cullen kissed me as I shook beneath him, the tension slowly building below my bellybutton.

I grabbed his head and kept it tight against my lips as he rubbed me faster and harder, I moved my hips with him, causing an amazing sensation, and my legs to twitch. My core begins to twitch, sending small explosions through me, my back stiffening, I felt it so close, he pressed harder and faster. Until I couldn’t handle it anymore, my toes curled, and my head swung back as a massive explosion overcame my body, my lower half instantly feeling soaking wet. He continued to rub, trying to push another one, but I was so sensitive, that I couldn’t handle the touch. My body had a few remaining twitches of mini bursts of relief for a few second after. The only thing that kept me from screaming was the deep kiss at the last moment.

He put his sopping wet hand on my stomach and looked at me, smiling, just before kissing my nose. I suddenly felt self-conscious as the bedroll I was laying on was now completely soaked, as if I had messed myself. My cheeks went red and I tried to hide my embarrassment, Cullen softly pulled my attention towards his eyes and reassured me that it was a very good thing that just happened to me. In fact, it was now a new goal for future fun.

I was happy that we set camp just outside of Halamshiral for the night. It means that we could enter the city and have the whole day to prepare for the ball at the Winter Palace. Josephine had made arrangements for the final fitting of our ridiculous formal wear, apparently having all of us match in these horrible colors will make us look like we stand as one.

All I could think about as we rode into town and headed for the estate that Josephine found was a hot bath. getting clean in the river each morning was okay, but nothing made me feel better more than a hot bath in a marble tub.

  
\-------------

  
The ball was something for someone who enjoyed politics, and playing the game. For me, I couldn’t be bothered to care about the opinions of these people, well that is until I am reminded by Leliana and Josephine that I have to care.

Cullen had his small group of soldiers at the ready near the palace if we needed them and for most of the day I hadn’t seen him. My thoughts kept lingering on this morning, on how he made me lose all control of my legs and curled my toes. Whenever someone said his name, my mind went to him kissing another part of my body. Each memory making me want to relive that moment, keeping me lingering on the point of arousal.

During the event, I was a good little inquisitor and ran about the palace finding secrets and notes, before the night was halfway over I had opened most of the doors and walked through almost all of the rooms. I had found out all of the scandal that I could at this point, but when I went to deliver some of the news to Leliana, my mind blanked on all of the news when I saw Cullen staring at me. He was circled by women asking him various questions and he was completely ignoring them. Leliana brought me back to her attention and asked for me to return when anything came to mind, knowing that the Commander standing a few feet behind her had taken my attention.

I turned around and walked away, looking only once behind me, to which he was still starting, I laughed and he mimicked my smile, it was obvious he too had dirty thoughts in his mind. This could be fun. Walking around to the eastern side of the ballroom I found a spot to lean against the banister and just watched as the women flocked around him. Leliana noticed Cullen ignoring all of the questions he was being asked and whispered something in his ear to bring him back to their attention, with his eyes drifting off to me every so often.

It was amusing to watch him as they pried into him, asking personal questions that made him nervous. It was almost like reliving the moments of our first few conversations in Haven all over again, only this time, I get a front row seat. I bit my lip as I watch my delicious Commander try to keep his composure in front of all these people.

Breaking our stare, I begin to slowly walk to the vestibule, hoping he will follow. It was only fair that he could have a chance to break away from the droves of women fawning over him. Continuing through the vestibule, I walk all the way to the end and look out the window. One thing that Orlies does have over Ferelden and the Free Marches is how beautiful it is, the Orliesians definitely didn’t think about expenses when building the High Quarters in Halamshiral.

I feel a hand momentarily touch the small of my back just before Cullen stands beside me at the window.  
His lips found my neck again, causing tingles down my spine, heating me up all the way down to between my legs. I let out a sigh and move to expose more of my neck, sighing at the pleasure. Every morning in the tent was like this, not that I was complaining, but it was so difficult to stay quiet. Cullen would kiss my neck and lightly drag his fingers along my arms and stomach, making me want him so, so much. I would feel his semi hard cock rub against me, and I would drive me mad with want. I want to touch it, hold it in my hands and make him moan while I lick it.

“You have to stop,” I whisper while still holding his head against my neck. My head knows I should stop him, but my body wants so much more.

Cullen quietly laughs while his tongue traces down my neck, his breath tickling the trail left behind. “You say that every morning,” a hand goes further up my shirt as he reaches for a breast. I do nothing to stop him, in fact, I start grinding against his cock, his breathing gets deeper.

“We can’t, people will hear,” I continue to rub against him, knowing want I want and saying the opposite, I turn around to face him, my hands lightly touching his chest. Our breathing is equally heavy, my lip quivering, wanting him to kiss me. He looks down at me, that half smile, that scar, his perfect eyes. It all made me bend to his will.

Cullen placed a hand on my jaw and traced his thumb on my quivering lip. He smiled, his eyes filled with so much lust. I didn’t want to resist, but I had to. Still ignoring the logic in my brain, I put his thumb in my mouth and suck, never taking my eyes away from him. My mouth slowly takes his entire thumb in and then while my tongue pressed firmly against it, I slowly pull it out of my mouth. Without time to think Cullen pressed his lips against mine, pressing hard, and pulling at my bottom lip, coaxing my mouth to let his tongue in. All the while his leg pressed between mine, and my tingling and warm pussy rubbing against his leg. I wanted so badly to take off my clothes and get him to make me come right here, right now, only minutes before people started to move around just outside our tent.

He pulled away from our kiss, breathless. “Oh, Maker Eve,” he whispered “I want to be inside you so badly right now” he kissed my jaw and collarbone. Me still rubbing against his leg, the sensation was good, but not what I wanted. Cullen pulled me on top of him, both of us still wearing night clothes, I straddle him and feel his hard bulge against my pussy.

Moving my hips, I rubbed myself against him. We didn’t have time for sex, and I know I would make too much noise, especially considering people sometimes hear me in my bed-chamber. The grinding felt good, we both were trying to stifle our heavy breathing, Cullen’s hands on my hips, helping me move the way he needed me to. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the feeling, trying to make the tightness come.

I could feel Cullen’s stomach twitch and his muscles buckle. I looked at him and could tell he was close. So I quickly climbed off and pulled down his shorts. I couldn’t wait any longer I needed to finish this for him. I wanted to make him come so badly to have him putty in my hands.

 Taking his throbbing cock in my hand, I started to move it up and down the shaft, feeling every vein, massaging his balls. I watched his face and he was trying so hard not to make noises. The hand closest to me, touching my back and scratching at my skin with each of his quakes.  
Leaning forward I started to lick his cock. My tongue touching the head, going around it slowly while my hand continued to stroke him right from top to bottom. Next I took my tongue and licked the body of his shaft. Pressing hard against it with my tongue and completely concentrating on his pleasure, I was taken by surprise when Cullen started to pull down my undergarments. His hand then caressed my ass while it was in the air, with me leaning over his cock, in our small tent.

I pressed his hard member through my lips and let my tongue glide against it as I took in as much as I could. Leaning further forward, I also now felt a thumb rubbing against my wet pussy. Keeping his cock in my mouth suppressed my moans. I moved my head faster up and down, his body started to twitch, with one free hand massaging the portion of the cock that I couldn’t fit into my mouth and the other gently playing with his balls. I pushed to bring him to come, his teasing was driving me mad, and I needed my own explosion.

Soon enough, his hand stopped playing with my pussy and he squeezed my leg, telling me he was so close. I tightened my lips around it and made my hand stroke him faster until he fought a moan and I felt the result of his explosion hit the back of my mouth. I continued to stroke him till every last drop was running down the back of my throat. I swallowed, hoping to be rid of the taste that I still haven’t been able to get used to.

I laid back down beside Cullen, his arms wrapped around me. He kissed my forehead and then was still for a few moments, enjoying his post orgasm ecstasy.

My pussy was sopping wet almost to the point that I could feel the juices starting to run down the outside. I was more than ready for a good and hard fucking. A first in a long time to think like that, but I really wanted it. This just wasn’t the place to get it, we would have to wait for Skyhold.

Cullen started to play with my hard nipples, his fingers pinching them, his tongue making circles around them. I grabbed his hand and pulled it down to where I needed the attention. “No more teasing,” I whisper in his ear, just before he kissed me and pushed me onto my back. “Fast” I begged, he laughed and pressed two fingers into me.

Never taking his eyes off me as I made faces of pleasure and tried to keep my breathing quiet, Cullen worked two fingers deep inside of me, petting my inside spot just the right way. I was amazed at how he knew my body so well. His thumb started to rub against my clit, causing me to close my eyes and bite my lip. Cullen kissed me as I shook beneath him, the tension slowly building below my belly button.

I grabbed his head and kept it tight against my lips as he rubbed me faster and harder, I moved my hips with him, causing an amazing sensation, and my legs to twitch. My core begins to twitch, sending small explosions through me, my back stiffening, I felt it so close, he pressed harder and faster. Until I couldn’t handle it anymore, my toes curled, and my head swung back as a massive explosion overcame my body, my lower half instantly feeling soaking wet. He continued to rub, trying to push another one, but I was so sensitive, that I couldn’t handle the touch. My body had a few remaining twitches of mini bursts of relief for a few second after. The only thing that kept me from screaming was the deep kiss at the last moment.

He put his sopping wet hand on my stomach and looked at me, smiling, just before kissing my nose. I suddenly felt self-conscious as the bedroll I was laying on was now completely soaked, as if I had messed myself. My cheeks went red and I tried to hide my embarrassment, Cullen softly pulled my attention towards his eyes and reassured me that it was a very good thing that just happened to me. In fact, it was now a new goal for future fun.

I was happy that we set camp just outside of Halamshiral for the night. It means that we could enter the city and have the whole day to prepare for the ball at the Winter Palace. Josephine had made arrangements for the final fitting of our ridiculous formal wear, apparently having all of us match in these horrible colors will make us look like we stand as one.

All I could think about as we rode into town and headed for the estate that Josephine found was a hot bath. getting clean in the river each morning was okay, but nothing made me feel better more than a hot bath in a marble tub.

  
\-------------

  
The ball was something for someone who enjoyed politics, and playing the game. For me, I couldn’t be bothered to care about the opinions of these people, well that is until I am reminded by Leliana and Josephine that I have to care.

Cullen had his small group of soldiers at the ready near the palace if we needed them and for most of the day I hadn’t seen him. My thoughts kept lingering on this morning, on how he made me lose all control of my legs and curled my toes. Whenever someone said his name, my mind went to him kissing another part of my body. Each memory making me want to relive that moment, keeping me lingering on the point of arousal.

During the event, I was a good little inquisitor and ran about the palace finding secrets and notes, before the night was halfway over I had opened most of the doors and walked through almost all of the rooms. I had found out all of the scandal that I could at this point, but when I went to deliver some of the news to Leliana, my mind blanked on all of the news when I saw Cullen staring at me. He was circled by women asking him various questions and he was completely ignoring them. Leliana brought me back to her attention and asked for me to return when anything came to mind, knowing that the Commander standing a few feet behind her had taken my attention.

I turned around and walked away, looking only once behind me, to which he was still starting, I laughed and he mimicked my smile, it was obvious he too had dirty thoughts in his mind. This could be fun. Walking around to the eastern side of the ballroom I found a spot to lean against the banister and just watched as the women flocked around him. Leliana noticed Cullen ignoring all of the questions he was being asked and whispered something in his ear to bring him back to their attention, with his eyes drifting off to me every so often.

It was amusing to watch him as they pried into him, asking personal questions that made him nervous. It was almost like reliving the moments of our first few conversations in Haven all over again, only this time, I get a front row seat. I bit my lip as I watch my delicious Commander try to keep his composure in front of all these people.

Breaking our stare, I begin to slowly walk to the vestibule, hoping he will follow. It was only fair that he could have a chance to break away from the droves of women fawning over him. Continuing through the vestibule, I walk all the way to the end and look out the window. One thing that Orlies does have over Ferelden and the Free Marches is how beautiful it is, the Orliesians definitely didn’t think about expenses when building the High Quarters in Halamshiral.

I feel a hand momentarily touch the small of my back just before Cullen stands beside me at the window.

“Enjoying the party?” I ask being extremely amused at his torture.

“No,” He replies dryly. Cullen leans in to whisper in my ear, especially when I’m trying not to think about you and watching me from across the room. How was that fair?”

I laugh, “Life isn’t fair commander,” I make a sad face, and start to walk up the stairs to my left “you just have to pick the moments that make life more enjoyable,” turning over my shoulder, bite my lip and look back at him, hoping he follows one more time.

I had unlocked the doors to the great library moments before talking to Leliana. It was unguarded and held so many secrets inside, I couldn’t resist stealing a few minutes alone with the commander. I started to walk down the library seeing all of the books and finding the odd note for Leliana when Cullen finally opened the door and joined me.

“We can’t be in here.” He whispered, being very alarmed.

Rushing back to him, I lock the door to the vestibule then wrap my arms around his neck. “If that were the case, then I have been very bad.” I press my lips against him, teasing them with my tongue.

“They will notice us gone.” Cullen tried to push me away, but I held on tight, his hands now on my hips.

“Then we shouldn’t waste our time,” I whisper in his ear with a breathy voice, my mind only on one thing, him and wanting to feel him inside of me, right here, right now. I trace my lips down his jaw, his stubble tingling me driving me mad. I hear his breathing speed up as his hands start to move about my torso, pulling me in closer.

“Is this revenge for this morning in the tent?” he asked while trying to undo the waistband tied around my jacket.

“Revenge?” I lick the hollow in the middle of his collarbone while one of my hands move down to massage his growing cock. “Maybe more like repaying the favor.”

The comment pushes Cullen over the tipping point and I know that he’s putty in my hands now. I pull him into a section further back into the library, our clothes, leaving a trail along the way. Leaning against a sturdy bookshelf, Cullen starts to suck on one of my hard nipples. I quietly gasp as he bites down too hard, each nibble sending a bolt of electricity, though me, I suck on his ear as I feel him massage the heat between my legs.

“Oh Maker, you are already so wet.” He says while switching to my other breast, biting equally as hard.

“Cullen” I breathe out, already trembling with need, “please, the time.” He chuckles and starts to move, down my stomach with kisses. “No, come back up here” I order him, and he obliges though slightly confused. I answer his question with no words but a deep kiss and wrapping a leg around his waist.

Cullen’s eyes grow twice their normal size as he realizes what I mean, “you.. we?” he stutters, as I rub myself against his hard cock. We hadn’t had full on sex since the night he broke my trust months ago, I had healed for long enough and needed him now.

“Please..” I pull him into a deep kiss, still rubbing against him waiting for him to push in “I need you Cullen” I whisper. Cullen takes over our deep kiss, then pulls away breathless as he pressed his cock into my throbbing heat. I let out a sharp gasp at the initial pain, as he starts to move slowly into me, his eyes never looking away from mine.

One of his hands on my leg holding it up, the other squeezing my ass, pressing it hard against him. The feeling of him inside of me again slowly started to feel good, my breathing matched pace with his thrusts. I held on tight while he lifted me up and wrapped both legs around him, everything completely in his power now.

“Deeper?” he asked my permission before moving forward, all I could do was nod, words missing from my mind, this moment was so perfect.

Cullen took his right arm and hooked it under my leg on the same side, lifting it up and pressing it into me, his thrusts deepened and he let out a moan, my nails tight into his shoulders as his cock pounded into my wanting pussy, in and out, pushing me to a moment of pure desire. He then took his other arm and did the same thing; I now practically folded in half, with my legs over his arms. His strength pushing my arousal even further.

We both groan as he pushes further in and begins to move faster in and out of me, I move my hips with him and then feel the connection, his pelvis rubbing in the right spot, and I let out another moan, my moans intensify as he creates the perfect momentum for me, rubbing my clit hard and fast, my body quaking, my pussy pulsates around his cock, with each step closer to my orgasm, Cullen’s breathing intensifies as I throb around him. I am so close, my body shakes, in anticipation for the release of tension. Then it hits me, the wave of tension instantly releasing me from its tightness, I bite down on his shoulder and moan against his skin while Cullen is also pushed over and explodes inside of me. He continues to push in and out until he is empty.

When he stops thrusting, with himself still in me, he looks at me and we both laugh. Completely breathless, he kisses me and helps me down.

My body starts to ache from the awkward position and being pressed against a bookshelf. A pain on my upper back starts to burn through as I feel a small trickle of something roll down my skin. Ignoring the discomfort and assuming it was sweat, ran to get dressed. I had been out of sight for far too long and was risking being kicked out if I didn’t get back soon.

Before making a mad dash for the back entrance to the terrace, where I should slide down a trellis and act if nothing had happened, I pressed a hard kiss against Cullen’s lips. He was still half-naked by the time I was gone, but I couldn’t risk being absent anymore.

  
\----

  
I was just in time for the dance, and flawlessly got the court's approval. It wasn’t long after that we discovered the corruption and outed the Empress’s cousin as the one who wanted to assassinate her. There was a large battle and, of course, the inquisition prevailed, making a good bond with Orlies, and more importantly, stopping a portion of Corypheus’s plan.

 

\----

 


End file.
